Rating: NC-17 for Darco slash
Summary: The relationship of Marco and Dylan as seen through Dylan's eyes.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I wish I did. They're yummy.
A/N: These two have inspired the slash monkies of olden times- of Buffy times. Let me know if you like it.

Dedication: Thank you SO much to luvluv for all your help with sparking my muses and your awesome feedback!!!

THANKS TO: BROOKE & ashley for the feedback!!!!

ALSO TO: Diamond, luvluv, Amy, annakas, & Psumathgirl!!

41

After a very long time I finally moved and got into my car and just sat for a while more.

He *had* moved on. If he could see me and not- and not even flinch? And hug me and not be affected by me? It meant he'd moved on. It meant that I had hurt him and four years later he had let go of it and was involved with someone and had dogs and a life and was happy.

And as I sat in my car I decided I wouldn't move until I was able to accept that he was happy and that's what I had wanted for him. It's why I did what I did- so he could be free to have his own life. And now he had it.

I kept thinking that over and over in my head. He's moved on. He has a wonderful life. He has family and probably friends and a close lover, if not more. I kept telling myself I had to accept the fact that whatever we had was truly over.

It's over.

It's over.

It's over.

It's over.

I said it in my head and I said it out loud.

"Marco and you are over. He's moved on. He in love and he's happy and he's moved on and you are over."

And when it finally started sinking in, I started the car and drove home in the middle of the night. I crawled into bed and sobbed for another hour before crying myself to sleep.

When I woke the next morning I sat in bed for a while, repeating to myself what I'd said the night previous. He had moved on and I had to as well, which meant hockey. It's what I chose instead of him long ago and it's the only thing I had left.

I headed downstairs and Paige was sitting on the couch. "Hey, Homo."

"Hey, Bitch," I replied and shoved her head a little on my way to the kitchen.

"There's a party tonight. Interested?"

"Where?" I asked.

"Actually… at your old place."

"Paige…"

"Relax. It's just a big Christmas thing- Alex owns the place now."

"Are you serious? Alex? Your ex-girlfriend, Alex?"

"Yeah- when the woman who owned it died, her son wanted to sell it someone who loved it. So she bought it. Ellie and her man live there too and they're having a huge party and-"

"And Marco will be there, Paige- I can't… you know I'm still… I just- I saw him yesterday."

"Oh? You didn't tell me?"

"I got home late. I… just sat in the parking lot for a while. I saw him with his dogs."

"Aren't they *so* adorable? God, they're such sweeties."

"I really don't want to go to a party where I'll keep running into him and his boyfriend."

"I don't know if his boyfriend is with him. I'm not sure."

"Still. I don't wanna-"

"Dylan," she said softly. "There will be way more people than the usual ten, okay? It'll be a huge party- all of Ellie's newspaper freaks will be there and Alex knows a *ton* of people, Hon. You can always leave if you don't like it. But I know it'd mean a lot to *me* if you came."

"You just don't wanna drive. But you can't try and set us up, okay?"

"No. I know," she said honestly. "I stopped my meddling after what happened the last time I meddled, okay?"

I debated about going all day but in the end? If I was really going to get over him, I needed to see him and really feel the fact that he wasn't mine. I thought the torture would be good for me- for driving home the point that it was really and truly over.

So I threw on a sweater and headed out with her to the old house and Alex and Ellie must have really been fixing it up because it was all painted and decorated. It was really beautiful- what I would have liked to do to it.

"You can leave whenever, okay?" she said as we headed up. "I'll get a ride from someone else."

"Okay," I said and the door opened and Alex embraced my sister tightly and then she hugged me too.

"I'm so glad you came! See? This adds credibility to the party!" she yelled. "I've got Hercules Michalchuk here!" she announced and everyone turned and started clapping and cheering. "Our hometown hero, Everyone! And Alex hooked you up!"

Paige was right- there were a TON of people and they all wanted to talk to me and ask for my autograph and things like that. I didn't even *see* Marco for the first couple hours until I headed upstairs to see what changes had been made and to use the washroom.

As I was walking up, he was coming down. I thought about turning quickly, but-

"Dylan," he smiled pleasantly.

"Hi," I said. "Came up for this bathroom. The other has a line of ladies already and you know how long they take to pee and check their make up."

"Yeah, good call. I was just checking on the babies."

"Oh they're here?"

"Yeah- I'm staying here while I'm in town since my parents are in Italy this year."

"You didn't want to go there?" I wondered.

"I was just there for Thanksgiving and I wanted to be here for our annual Christmas bash. You… your party for me- it started a tradition of Christmas fiestas."

"Oh," I nodded and his lips were still ever so inviting.

"So… can I… ask a favor?" he asked.

"Anything for you," I said a bit more… lovesick than I intended.

"Can I get your autograph?"

"What?" I asked, it was so weird. "You've- you had to have my name written on tons of shit- cards and stuff unless you threw them out."

"No, I know that. But… I have a friend, he's a huge hockey fan and he would *kill* me if he finds out that I ran into you and didn't get your signature."

Now I had to sign something for IT?! For him to give to IT and probably get exciting and hot thank you sex?!

"Yeah, no problem."

"Here- I think I have some paper or something in here."

It was his old room. I thought back to the last two days I spent there with him- kissing him, him pleading with me not to go. I blinked the RMTs away.

"They've changed a lot, huh?"

"Yeah, they really have. It's nice, ya know? I was worried about leaving Ellie here alone but-"

"You don't live here?"

"I'm in New York right now."

"Yeah, I know," I admitted. I couldn't keep it quiet. I couldn't pretend I didn't know.

"Did Paige-"

"No, she kept her promise. But I… was there this past weekend meeting with my agent. I went to the Rangers game, thought I saw you. And the next day I was at Rockefeller and-"

"Oh," he said as he looked up. "Then you saw-"

"Yeah," I replied. "You- looked happy."

"I am."

Those two words sliced into me like nothing ever had before.

"Good, then that's… let me- sign the-"

"Dylan," he started.

"Don't, Marco. I… I'm glad you're happy. I'll sign the thing and leave you to your-"

"This doesn't have to be awkward."

"How can you say that, Marco?"

"It's been four years, Dylan. We've both moved on."

I wanted to say "only I haven't" but I didn't. I held my tongue, rather difficultly actually.

He handed me a piece of paper and I wrote: To a great hockey fan! Love Dylan Hercules Michalchuk

I dropped the paper and escaped from the room quickly and out of the house just as fast.

I ran out quicker than I think I'd ever run. I'd never run away as fast from Marco Del Rossi.

42

I ran as fast as I could and as far as I could before I was gasping for breath and nearly passing out from lack of oxygen. I realized I'd run to the rink where I used to skate. It was locked but me and the guys had found ways around that- a back door that was very faulty. Luckily it was undone and I went inside. I found some skates and threw them on and started doing laps as fast as I possibly could until I was too tired to move my legs anymore.

I finally stopped and just glided over the ice until the momentum I'd built ebbed and I- "OH god," I yelled when I saw a figure standing near the ice. "Shit."

"I knew I'd find you here. You took off- Paige saw you, she got worried, so…"

"So they sent *you* of all people?" I asked as I glided over to where he was standing.

"I figured it was me-related, so-"

"I just didn't really want to go to begin with," I laughed quietly. "But if I've got you alone, can I… Marco, I need to say some stuff to you; that I should have said and-"

"I don't need to hear it, Dylan. Honestly. I'm okay. What happened happened. It's been four years- we're both- we're different. I mean… who ever thought 'homochuk' would be in the first draft?"

"You… follow that?"

"My friend is a huge hockey fan."

"You… looked happy."

"He's a great guy. He's a really good friend."

"And you're living with him? In New York?"

"No. He's got a place and I'm in campus housing."

"Campus?"

"Columbia."

"WOW!" I gasped. "Marco, that's… incredible."

"Thanks. I've- I ended up graduating a year early actually. I spent six months in Madrid and a few months in Paris studying. Spent some time in Germany as well. And then I applied to Columbia and have a free ride."

"How long have you… been with him?"

"Couple years maybe? Give or take," he shrugged. "I'm really… proud of you, Dylan. You… you're a hometown hero. There's a lot of buzz- thinking if anyone could ever take over Gretzky records, you might be our closest shot."

"You're paying attention to my career?"

"Of course, Dylan," he said softly. "Like I could forget you?" God, that made my heart sing. He hadn't just… hated me for years?

"Marco, I really need to tell you things- something. I just… I need to say it- for you to know it, okay?"

"You don't have to."

"No, I do. Marco… that night- when I called…" I just needed him to know. I doubted that it would change anything. But I needed him to know regardless. "What I said… about sleeping with someone. I *never* cheated on you, Marco. I *never* cheated. I… I lied. I wanted-"

"I know," he nodded slowly.

"*What*?" I gasped.

"I *know*, Dylan. I… the few weeks after the call… I got… I was pissed, hurt, confused… but I got up- started going to classes, made up all my work. I was sitting one night, looking at a picture of us at Christmas, wondering how you could ever do something like that to me and I was thinking about how I had actually been expecting a proposal or something that Christmas and it just… I realized I didn't believe you *would* cheat on me. I called Paige and she confirmed that it was a lie."

"*What*?" I asked, confused completely. "You *knew*?"

"I told her not to tell you I knew. I… Dylan, you did what needed to be done- what I wasn't strong enough to do. You set me free. And I did the same for you. So we could have our own lives- our own dreams. I don't… I don't hate you for it. I *thank* you."

I had *no* idea what to say to him. I had been under the assumption that he'd been hating me and moving on with his life because he didn't have me. But he… he *knew*? And that meant he'd *really* chosen to move on without any past complication? Without any residual feelings? Without-

"Dylan?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "Then… you're welcome. I'm… I'm happy for you then."

"I'd like to be friends," he said quietly. "If you want. I… I'd like hearing about your career or-"

"Yeah, no problem," I replied. "Friends. We're friends."

"Good, then you should come back to the party because I made cannolis and there are tons of other sweets that they're putting out now and if we don't hurry, we don't a sugar fix and I'm still very much a fan of the sugar high."

"Yeah," I laughed as his eyes just sort of… softened and it looked like the Marco I had once known. "Okay. I just gotta… put these skates where I found them."

So I did that and he drove us back to the party and I couldn't believe it.

I'd never imagined that he'd have *known*. That was never in my plans.

It had never occurred to me that the truth would be obvious.

But I hadn't remembered that I was lying to Marco Del Rossi.

43

We got back to the party and he was right- there was a TON of food and he went one way and Paige pulled me to the other room where a few guys were actually watching a game.

I watched for a bit but got bored because it wasn't a very good game. I got up and headed to the kitchen to look for food but I stood on one side of the wall when I heard Alex say- "So, Marco, please do tell us about your hunky honey," she laughed. "I mean… he's seriously hot."

"I know," I heard him laugh. "Lord do I know."

"So you've been together what? Two years?"

"Sort of I think. Around there. I mean… we met in Madrid on the study program. You know that, Alex."

"We know but you're still with him. Are you serious?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah, do I hear wedding bells in Marco's future?" I heard Paige ask.

"God, you guys are *so* nosy!" he complained. "And *no*. No wedding bells, Ladies. Sorry. Marco has no ring on his finger, okay?"

"Why not? I mean… Marco," Alex said. "Let's look at this rationally, okay? He buys you all kinds of shit. He sweeps you off to the Caribbean for a weekend getaway or to China for Chinese food. I mean… he's prince charming."

"He's certainly that." What?! Was he loaded? "He does buy me pretty pretty things and I am a fan of pretty things, but… it's not like that. He's… he's not looking for a husband or anything."

"Marco, dear Marco, *please* explain this to me," I heard Paige asked and I knew I shouldn't be listening but… then they shouldn't be talking at a party where I was.

"He's career oriented, Paige. And a husband or kids is *not* what he wants."

"So what? What are you then?"

"I'm a distraction."

Now *that* hurt me. He… wasn't happy? But he sounded happy. He looked happy.

"Marcooo," one of the girls said in that sad kind of pity-type tone that I was thinking in.

"No, it's not- look. Okay. Fine. Yes- he's a hottie, that's for sure. Of all the guys I've been with, he's one of the best. And he's extremely generous and has a shit load of money and no one to spend it on. And I love him. He loves me. But… it's companionship- not like… eternal love."

"What happens when he wants to stay in New York and you go elsewhere?" Ellie asked.

"Or you mentioned you were thinking of doing another abroad thing this summer?" Paige added.

"Yeah, so? If I leave, I leave. It's… he'd visit me a weekend maybe. I don't know. It's… we're really good friends, okay? He doesn't want a commitment. He wants a career. And I'm just… passing time- having fun. He makes me happy, okay? I can be busy and come up here for a weekend and not worry about him calling or being angry that I was gone."

"So what? You're friends with benefits?" Alex attempted to sum it up.

"We're… yeah, we're… beneficial friends, okay? Exclusive type friends. I mean… I don't sleep with anyone else and neither does he. He doesn't have time. I'm happy with him and it works for us. It gives me great sex and someone to hang with and go out with without the hassle of dating or the threat of heartbreak. It's uncomplicated."

"But… don't you miss being in love?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah, don't you miss-"

"Don't say it, Paige," he stopped my sister.

"But he's *here* and he's…"

"Paige…" he said quietly.

I waited on baited breath for a long time, waiting to hear his response to their prodding.

"You're telling me you don't still have any kind of feeling for him?" she prodded further.

"Of course I feel something for him, Paige. Seeing him again… took my breath away, but… we're doing our own thing. We had a couple really amazing years. But our lives are incompatible."

"Dylan, my man!" I heard someone shout and turned to see *Jay*?!

"So now it's Dylan? Not Homochuk?"

"I'm reformed," he said.

"You mean you want an autograph and I'm sure you can guess where you can shove it," I laughed as I headed in to the kitchen because they must have heard him yell my name. "Hey, Ladies and-" I looked at Marco "Lady."

"Ha ha," he laughed. "You're such a jerk!"

God how I missed hearing him say that!

"I know, I know. I just needed some sugar because that game in there is incredibly boring."

I had no idea how to process what I'd heard.

Did that mean… I could have a shot with him or something? I had no idea. But he'd said himself that he wasn't in love with that guy or making plans with him long-term. I had no idea what it meant for me.

But I needed to find out. I needed to know if I actually had a shot with Marco Del Rossi.

44

"Okay, okay… I have to walk the babies!" Marco laughed after a couple shots of peppermint snops.

There weren't many people left at the party- maybe fifteen people, but we were all sitting around laughing and drinking, talking and catching up.

"Marco! Those dogs are uncontrollable!" Paige laughed. "If you go out there in the middle of the night, we may never get you back!"

"Send Hercules!" Ellie giggled. "HERCULES!"

"Bless my soul!" Paige shouted.

"Herc was a roll!" Alex sung.

"Undefeated!" all the girls sang.

"Riding high!"

"And the nicest guy!"

"Not conceited!" they all sang in unison.

"Okay- this is my cue to say, Marco, I'll help with the dogs!"

He brought them down on their leashes and I took one and he took the other and we headed outside and down the road.

"God, they are goofs! It's like they never got *out* of high school!" he laughed into the cold night air.

"Not like us jetsetters, huh?" I asked as we walked slowly. "Marco… did… when did you get the dogs?"

"The day after Paige told me the truth. I… was lonely. I needed something so…"

He *had* named them for me- maybe as a way of remembering? For the first time, I was starting to maybe get hopeful. I wasn't sure how I should proceed. I wasn't sure if I should tell him I still wanted him or not.

I also knew that if there was any time to try and get that answer out of him, it was *that* night since he'd had quite a few more drinks than me.

"So… what about the guy?" I asked. "You guys serious? You looked serious."

"Seriously *hot*!" he laughed as we walked. "He's *seriously* hot, Dylan. God… I can't even describe how hot it is with him."

"Please don't," I requested softly.

"Oh come on- he's… you saw him. He's incredible! Almost like-" He stopped suddenly.

"Like?" I asked and he didn't respond. "Almost like me?"

"*Us*," he corrected. "You… you can't take credit for all of it, Monsieur."

"Do you… ever think about it?" I asked quietly. "Us?"

"Dylann," he groaned softly as he stopped walk to turn toward me.

"Do you?" I requested again.

"I'll… occasionally have a random Dylan thought- now and then. Do you?" he asked.

Oh god that nearly made me choke. Random Dylan thoughts? He had RDTs like I had R*M*Ts?!

"All the time," I answered honestly and I leaned forward and was about to press my lips to his when his *phone* started ringing.

"Sorry, I-" He glanced at the ID and smiled. "Hey, Baby. What's goin' on, you? Oh yeah? I'm just… hangin' out with some friends, you know… doing the Christmas thing."

I sighed sadly as I realized my chance was getting slimmer and slimmer. I'd blown it.

"Oh really? You're gonna come up? But… your family is… I mean, I guess they wouldn't mind. Yeah, I… okay. I'll pick you up. When? Tomorrow morning? Bien, 'Rique. Te quiero también, mi amor. Nos vemos."

"He's… coming up for Christmas?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Well… Gretzky went already, so… we should…"

"Yeah, Hero's done," he confirmed.

Yeah, Hero's done. I thought to myself. There went my chance to steal him back or to make him fall in love with me or to at least make him see that I was ready to be what he needed.

Then again- I still had a career. But I'd… could I really walk away from an American team like Detroit or Anaheim to settle for the Maple Leafs? Granted, the Maple Leafs were not bad at all but they played in the same league as Detroit and Detroit was a solid team and people were saying it'd be the only contender for the Stanely Cup, with or without me. I still wasn't sure. Why was I never able to choose between hockey and the love of my life?

We got back to the house and he announced he was turning in and took the dogs up with him and I just watched until I heard the door close.

"Paige, I'm going home," I announced. "Coming?"

"No, I'm gonna stay with Alex," she giggled.

"Fine," I said and took off. I went back to the rink and just skated more until I really felt tired enough to go back to my parents and be able to sleep a dreamless (or nightmareless) sleep.

I didn't ever want to dream of him again. I didn't want him plaguing my dreams- day *or* night. I wanted to just purge myself of everything Marco Del Rossi.