Buffy Season Two: Part Two

Welcome to my Buffy Season Two Quote page! This is the continuation of the Season Two Quotes since it was getting a bit long... and I'm only up to Reptile Boy!

Check back often for updates! Click Here to go to the new stuff at the botom. WARNING! The link will lead you to a new part of the page everytime I update so don't expect to get to the same stop everytime you click it!

Buffy: (turns back around) Hi! I'm...

Angel: Late.

Buffy: Rough day at the office.

Angel reaches up to her hair and pulls out a piece of straw.

Angel: So I see.

Buffy: Hey, it's a look. A seasonal look.

Buffy: Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but I recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight.

Larry: You and Buffy, you're just friends, right? Xander: I like to think of it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.

Larry: Do you think she'd go out with me?

He turns to face Xander with Buffy to his back now.

Xander: Well, Lar, that's a tough question to... No. Not a chance.

Larry: Why not? I heard some guys say she was fast.

Xander: I hope you mean like the wind.

Xander: Oh, I'll forget about it. (follows her) In maybe fifteen, twenty years when my rep for being a sissy man finally fades!

Buffy: (stops and faces him) Xander, don't you think you're...

Xander: (interrupts) A black eye heals, Buffy, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life. Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot for *your* help.

Willow: Poor Xander. Boys are so fragile.

Buffy: But I've overstepped my bounds. It's none of my business, you know. (stammers) What was I thinking? My God! Shame, (Willow goes out the door) shame. I gotta go. (quickly walks out)

Cordelia: So, Buffy. You ran off last night and left poor little Angel all by his lonesome. But I did everything I could to comfort him.

Buffy: I'll bet.

Cordelia: (gets out her blush) So, what's his story anyway? I mean, I never see him around. (brushes some onto her cheeks)

Willow: Not during the day, anyway.

Cordelia: Oh, please. Don't tell me he still lives at home. Like, he has to wait for his dad to get back before he can take the car? (puts the blush away)

Buffy: Cordelia, I think his parents have been dead for a couple of hundred years.

Cordelia: (touches up her lip gloss) Oh, good. I mean... (faces them) What?

Buffy: Angel's a vampire. I thought you knew.

Cordelia: (turns back to the mirror) Oh, he's a vampire. (puts away the lip gloss) Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Carebear with fangs?

Willow: It's true.

Cordelia: (steps over to them) You know what I think? (crosses her arms) I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer.

Buffy: It's come as you aren't night. The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild with no repercussions.

Willow: Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.

Willow: What'd you get?

He pulls a toy military rifle out of his bag and holds it up for Willow to see.

Buffy: That's not a costume.

Xander: (gives Buffy a look, then turns to Willow) I got fatigues from an Army surplus at home. Call me the Two-Dollar Costume King, baby!

He smiles at Willow. She smiles back.

Buffy: Hey, look, Xander... (he points the rifle at her) I'm... really sorry about this morning.

Xander: Do you mind, Buffy? I'm trying to repress.

Buffy: Okay, then I promise, from now on I'll let you get pummeled. (puts her chin on his shoulder and pouts)

Xander: (rolls his eyes) Thank you. (Buffy smiles) Okay, y'know, actually I think I could've t...

Buffy is distracted by a costume. She slowly starts walking over to it.

Xander: Hello! That was our touching reconciliation moment there.

She keeps walking over to a frilly, red, billowy 18th-century gown.

Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just... Look at this.

Willow: It's amazing.

Xander: Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex.

Spike: Here it comes. (watches) Rewind that. Let's see that again.

Spike: (chuckles) She's tricky. Baby likes to play.

Spike: You see that? The way she stakes him with that thing? That's what's called resourceful. Rewind it again.

Drusilla: (comes from the other room) Miss Edith needs her tea.

Spike: C'mere, poodle. (holds his hand out to her)

Drusilla: (takes his hand) Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?

Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet. That's why I've got to study this Slayer. Once I know her I can kill her. And once I kill her you can have your run of Sunnyhell. Get strong again.

Drusilla: Don't worry. Everything's switching. Outside to inside. (breathes at Spike's neck) It makes her weak.

Spike: Really? Did my pet have a vision?

Drusilla: Do you know what I miss? Leeches.

Spike: Come on, talk to Daddy. This thing that makes the Slayer weak? When is it?

Drusilla: Tomorrow.

Spike: Tomorrow's Halloween. Nothing happens on Halloween.

Drusilla: Someone's come to change it all. Someone new.

Ethan: Chaos. I remain, as ever, thy faithful, degenerate son.

Xander: Private Harris reporting for... (sees Buffy in her costume) Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!

Cordelia: Oz. Oz.

Oz: (looks up at her) Hey, Cordelia. Jeez, you're like a great big cat.

Cordelia: It's my costume. Are you guys playing tonight?

Oz: Yeah, at the Shelter Club.

Cordelia: Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to-show- up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna be there?

Oz: Yeah, y'know, he's just going by 'Devon' now.

Cordelia: Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that I didn't even mention it. And that I didn't even see you. So that's just fine.

Oz: So, what do I tell him?

Cordelia: Nothing! Jeez! Get with the program. (walks off in a huff)

Oz: (sarcastically) Why can't I meet a nice girl like that?

Xander: Okay, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood?

They all nod their heads.

Xander: Okay, troops.

He turns and faces down the hall. The kids follow his lead.

Xander: Let's move out.

Buffy notices a picture on a table and goes over to look. She picks it up, and sees it's of her wearing a spaghetti strap top. She turns around as Willow comes over to her.

Buffy: This... this could be me.

Willow: It *is* you. Buffy, can't you remember at all?

Buffy: No! I, I don't understand any of this! Uh, uh, th... This is some other girl! (puts the picture back) I would never wear this, that low apparel, and I don't like this place, and I don't like you, and I just wanna go home!

Willow: You *are* home!

Buffy is practically in tears. Willow turns back to Xander.

Willow: She couldn't've dressed up like Xena?

Cordelia: Wait a... What's going on?

Willow: Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.

Cordelia: That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?

Spike: Well! This is just... neat!

Buffy: Surely there's somewhere we can go. A safe haven.

Xander: Lady said stay put.

Buffy: You would take orders from a woman? A-are you feeble in some way?

Xander: Ma'am, in the Army we have a saying: sit down and shut the...

He sees a picture on the floor

Xander: Whoa!

He picks it up. It's of the three of them.

Xander: She must be right. We must have some kind of amnesia.

Buffy: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often!

Xander: How do you explain this?

Buffy: I don't! I was brought up a proper lady. I-I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me. Possibly a Baron.

Xander: This ain't no tea party, princess. Sooner or later you're gonna have to fight!

Buffy: Fight these low creatures? (snotty) I'd sooner die. (crosses her arms)

Xander: Then you'll die.

Angel comes in from the kitchen.

Angel: Oh, good! You guys are alright. It's total chaos out there.

They both look at him.

Buffy and Xander: Who are you?

Willow: I'm a ghost!

Giles: Yes. Um... w, uh, uh, uh, the ghost of what, exactly?

Spike: Do you hear that, my friends?

Spike: Somewhere out here is the (cut to Buffy running down the alley) *tenderest* meat you've *ever* tasted, and all *we* have to do is find her first!

Xander: (to Angel) It's strange, but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure.

Spike: Look at you. Shaking. Terrified. Alone. Lost little lamb.

Spike: I love it.

Cordelia: Hello?! It felt like I was talking, my lips were moving and...

Xander: (shakes his head). Give it up, Cordy. You're never gonna get between those two. Believe me, I know.

Sorry for the huge pause. I slacked off and I'm a bad, bad, bad girl! Now on to the Buffy! *pause* *Twich* The chunks I'm posting are just getting bigger and bigger....I sense I'm going to need a LOT more then just two Season2 pages....

Sunnydale Park after dusk. The playground is deserted. The carousel slowly turns, and the swings move in the light evening breeze. The only person there is a boy sitting on the jungle gym, waiting for his ride home.

James: C'mon, Mom. She's always late.

The camera pans around him until Drusilla can be seen slowly walking toward him from behind.

Drusilla: Are you lost?

James: (looks back at her) No. My mom's just supposed to pick me up is all. (climbs out of the gym)

Drusilla: Do you want me to walk you home?

James: No, thank you.

Drusilla: (touches the gym) My mummy used to sing me to sleep at night. (slowly walks around the gym as she sings) Run and catch / The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch... She had the sweetest voice. What will your mummy sing when they find your body?

James: (looks at her nervously) I'm not supposed to talk to people.

Drusilla: Oh. Well, I'm not a person, see, so that's just...

Angel suddenly steps between her and the boy.

Angel: (to the boy, sternly) Run home.

The boy only hesitates for a moment before running off. Drusilla watches him run away in dismay. Angel takes a breath and turns around to face her.

Drusilla: My Angel!

Angel: Hello, Drusilla.

Drusilla: (slowly approaches) Do you remember the song mummy used to sing me? Pretty.

Angel: I remember.

Drusilla: (senses) Yes, you do.

Angel: Drusilla, leave here. I'm offering you that chance. Take Spike and get out.

Drusilla: Or you'll hurt me?

Angel looks down at the ground.

Drusilla: (senses) No. No, you can't. Not anymore.

Angel: If you don't leave it'll go badly. For all of us.

Drusilla: My dear boy's gone all away, hasn't he? To her.

Cut to the roof of the building across the street from the park.

Angel: Who?

Buffy walks along the roof keeping watch.

Drusilla: The girl. The Slayer.

Buffy senses something and heads for the edge of the roof. Cut to the park.

Drusilla: Your heart stinks of her. (puts her hand on his chest) Poor little thing. (cut to Buffy) She has no idea what's in store.

Buffy looks over the edge and sees them standing close together. She can overhear.

Angel: This can't go on, Drusilla. It's gotta end.

She tilts her head and reaches up for a kiss.

Drusilla: Oh, no, my pet. This is just the beginning.

She pulls away without kissing and gives him an evil smile. She keeps her head turned to him as she slowly walks away. Buffy swallows at what she sees. Angel watches Drusilla go for another moment, then turns to leave also. Buffy steps away from the edge of the roof and runs off.

Giles: Well, I, I... Uh, how will I know what to wear?

Jenny: (looks at his tweed suit) Do you own anything else?

Giles: Uh, w-well, not as such, no, um...

Cordelia: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed...

Xander: I think you mean 'oppressed'.

Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're, like, 'Let's lose some heads'. Uhhh! That's fair. And, and Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake!

Xander: Who's friendly?

Buffy: No one.

Willow: Angel and a girl.

Buffy: Willow, do we have to be in total share mode?

Xander: Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing somethin' wrong, I wanna know. 'Cause it gives me a happy! (smiles)

Buffy: Mm, I'm glad someone has a happy.

Xander: Aw, you just need cheering up. And I know just the thing! (does a wild move) Crazed dance party at the Bronze!

Buffy: I dunno. (crosses her arms, depressed)

Xander: Very calm dance party at the Bronze? (Buffy gives him a glum look) Moping at the Bronze.

Ford: I'd suggest a box of Oreos dunked in apple juice, but maybe she's over that phase.

Buffy uncrosses her arms and turns around.

Buffy: Ford?

Ford: Hey, Summers!

They embrace.

Ford: How ya been?

Buffy: Oh, my God! What are you doing here?

They let go and hold both hands.

Ford: Uh, matriculating.

Buffy: Huh?

Ford: I'm finishing out my senior year at Sunnydale High. Dad got transferred.

Buffy: This is great!

Ford: I'm glad you think so.

Xander is not pleased.

Ford: I didn't think you'd remember me.

Buffy: Remember you? Duh! We only went to school together for seven years. You were my giant fifth grade crush.

Xander: So! You two know each other.

Buffy: Oh! (turns to Xander and Willow) I'm sorry. Um, this is Ford! Uh, Billy Fordham, this is Xander and Willow!

Buffy and Ford go to sit on the other couch.

Xander: Hi.

Ford: Hey.

Willow: Nice to meet you!

Buffy: Uh, Ford and I went to Hemery together in L.A. (to Ford) And now you're here. For real?

Ford: Dad got the transfer, and boom, he just dragged me outta Hemery and put me down here.

Buffy: This is great! Well, I mean, it's hard, sudden move, all your friends, delicate time, very emotional, but let's talk about me! (puts her hand on his knee) This is great!

Willow: (smiles) So, you two were sweeties in fifth grade?

Buffy: Not even. Ford wouldn't give me the time of day.

Ford: Well, I was a manly sixth-grader. I couldn't bother with someone that young.

Buffy: It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'.zz,p. She realizes how what she just said could be taken and casts a nervous look at Xander and Willow.

Buffy: Of course, I had no idea what it was about.

Ford nervously scratches his temple with his finger. Xander just smiles and nods.

Buffy: (to Ford) Hey, are you busy tonight? We're going to the Bronze, it's the local club, and you have to come.

Ford: I'd love to! But if you guys already had plans... Would I be imposing?

Xander: No, only in the literal sense.

Ford: Okay, then! I, I gotta find the admissions office, (gets up) uh, get my papers in order.

Buffy: Well, you know what, (gets up) I'll take you there, and I'll see you guys in French! (takes Ford's arm)

Ford: It was good to meet you. (they go)

Xander smiles at them until they've gone. Next to him Willow has a thoughtful look on her face.

Xander: (sarcastically) This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?

Willow: (realizes) Oh, that's what that song is about?!

Willow: Buffy, Ford was just telling us about the ninth grade beauty contest, and the, uh, swimsuit competition.

Buffy: Oh, my God, Ford, stop that! The more people you tell, the more people I have to kill.

Ford: You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets.

Xander: Care to make a small wager on that?

Buffy: Hi.

Angel: Hey! I was hoping you'd show.

Buffy: (sees he has a drink) You drink! I mean, drinks. Non-blood things.

Angel: There's a lot about me you don't know.

Buffy: I believe that.

Cut to the pool table. They're racking them up. Ford sees Buffy with Angel.

Willow: That's Angel.

Xander: He's Buffy's beau. (sarcastically) Her special friend.

Ford: He's not in school, right? He looks older than her.

Xander: You're not wrong.

Buffy: So. What'd you do last night?

Angel: Nothin'.

Buffy: Nothing at all. You ceased to exist?

Angel: No, I mean I stayed in, read.

Buffy: Oh.

She goes back to the pool table without another word. Angel stands there confused for a moment, then follows her.

Ford: Didn't want that soda after all?

Buffy: Not thirsty.

Willow: Hey, Angel.

Ford: Hi.

Buffy: (turns to Angel) This is Ford. We went to school together in L.A.

Angel: Nice to meet you. (shakes Ford's hand)

Ford: Whoa! Cold hands!

Xander: You're not wrong.

Buffy gives Xander a look.

Angel: So, you're here visiting Buffy?

Ford: No, I'm actually here to stay. Just moved down.

Willow: Hey, Angel? Do you wanna play?

Buffy: Y'know, it's getting really crowded in here tonight. Um... I'm a little hot. (to Ford) You wanna take a walk?

Ford: Um, sure! That'd be nice.

Buffy: Okay, then, um... (to the others) I'll see ya tomorrow. (leads Ford out past Angel)

Angel: Good night.

Ford: Take care.

Xander: Okay, once more with tension.

Angel: He just moved here?

Xander: Yeah. And, boy, does he move fast.

Willow: Well, Angel, we could still play.

She moves the rack into position, and when she looks back up Angel is gone.

Willow: See, you made him do that thing where he's gone.

Ford: So, that was your boyfriend?

Buffy: No. Uh, yeah. Maybe. Could we lay off the tough questions for a while?

Ford: Sorry. So! What else do you do for fun around here?

She hears noises coming from around the corner and suspects a vampire.

Buffy: Um, my purse. I-I, I left my purse at the Bronze. Uh, could you get it for me?

Ford: Uh, okay. (heads back)

Buffy: Good. Run! Thanks!

He starts to jog. A second later she starts running in the opposite direction and around the corner. Ford looks back and stops when he sees she's gone. He can hear a woman crying. He starts to walk back. When he's almost there a woman comes running around the corner and past him. He continues on, and is startled by a metal trashcan flying in front of him and into a stack of crates. He can hear punching and grunting. He sees someone hit the pavement face first. He peeks around the corner and sees a vampire get up and take a swing at Buffy. She ducks the punch and kicks the vampire in the face. The vampire swings again, and Buffy grabs his fist and holds on while she punches him in the face. Ford watches as she pulls out a stake and thrusts it into the vampire's chest. He staggers back into the wall and explodes into ashes.

Ford: What's goin' on?

Buffy is surprised and spins around to face him.

Buffy: Um... uh, there was a, a cat. A cat here, and, um, then there was a-another cat... and they fought. The cats. And... then they left.

Ford: Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire.

Buffy: What? Whating a what?

Ford: I know, Buffy. You don't have to lie. I-I've been trying to figure out the right time to, to tell you. I know you're the Slayer.

Ford: Marvin...

Diego: Diego! C'mon, man, it's Diego now.

Ford: Diego. (takes out a pill) Ritalin. Everything's gonna be fine.

Willow: Oh! (opens the door) Angel! What are you doing here?

Angel: I wanted to talk to you.

Willow: (looks around) Oh, well...

She gestures for him to come in, but he just stays standing there.

Willow: Well?

Angel: I can't. Unless you invite me, I can't come in.

Willow: Oh! (nervous) Well, okay, I invite you. To come in.

She turns around as he comes in, and a look of horror appears on her face when she sees her bra just lying there on her bed out in the open. She quickly rushes over, grabs it and stashes it.

Angel: I-if this is a bad time, I...

Willow: No! I just... I'm not supposed to have boys in my room.

Angel: I promise to behave myself.

Willow: (still nervous) Okay. Good.

Angel: I guess I need help.

Willow: Help? You mean like on homework? No, 'cause you're old and you already know stuff.

Angel: I want you to track someone down. On the 'Net. (eyes her laptop)

Willow: (smiles) Oh! Great! I'm so the 'Net girl. (goes to sit at her desk)

Angel: I just wanna find everything I can. Records, affiliates, I'm not even sure what I'm looking for yet.

Willow: (types) Good. What's the name?

Angel: Billy Fordham.

Willow: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, (faces him) do you promise not to bite me?

Angel: Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous?

Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way.

Angel: You know, I never used to. (sits on her bed) Things used to be pretty simple. (Willow types) A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin' guilty... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. (Willow faces him again) Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.

Willow: (nods) Okay. (turns back to the laptop) But if there isn't anything weird... Hey, that's weird.

Angel: What?

Willow: I just checked the school records, and he's not in them. (Angel stands up) I mean, usually they transfer your grades and stuff, but he's not even registered.

Angel: He said he was in school with you guys, right?

Willow: Let me just see if I can...

Mrs. Rosenberg: (off camera) Willow? Are you still up?

Willow: (gets up) (to Angel) Ack! Go! (to her mom) Iiiiiii'm just going to bed now, mom!

Angel goes back out onto the balcony. Willow holds the door.

Willow: Come by tomorrow at sunset. I'll keep looking.

Angel: Don't tell Buffy what we're doing, alright?

Willow: You want me to lie to her? It's Buffy!

Angel: Just don't bring it up until we know what's what.

Willow: Okay. I-it's probably nothing.

Angel: That'd be nice.

Buffy: What's up?

Willow: Nothing.

Buffy: Do you wanna hang? We're cafeteria-bound.

Willow: (jumpy) I-I-I'm gonna do work in the computer lab on school work that I have, so I cannot hang just now. Hi, Ford.

Ford: Morning.

Buffy: Okay, Will, fess up.

Willow: What?

Buffy: Are you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this.

Willow is surprised and happy that an explanation for her nervousness has presented itself, and laughs out loud.

Willow: It makes me jumpy. I have to go. Away. (hurries off)

Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.

Angel: Could you *not* call me that?

Xander: In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs.

Angel: Let's look around. You guys check out downstairs.

Xander: Sure thing, Bossy the cow! (they start down)

Willow: Okay, but do they really stick out?

Xander: What?

Willow: Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, 'Wow! That baby is sore!'

Xander: You have too many thoughts.

Willow: The Lonely Ones?

Angel: Vampires.

Xander: Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones. (Whoops got my site name wrong...huh. I could have sworn it is Evil pointy bitey ones!)

Angel: I've seen enough. I've seen this type before. I mean, they're children making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark.

Willow: Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark. Sometimes you need a story.

Angel: These people don't know anything about vampires. What they are, how they live, how they dress...

A young man dressed exactly like Angel comes down the stairs behind him and looks him up and down before continuing on. Angel clears his throat.

Giles: Uh, honestly, I, I've always, I've always been interested in, in, uh, monster trucks.

Buffy: You took him to monster trucks?

Jenny: I thought it would be a change!

Buffy: (picks up the picture) Who's this?

Giles: Um, she's called Drusilla, a sometime paramour of Spike's. She was killed by an angry mob in Prague.

Buffy: Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's alive. I saw her with Angel.

Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is talking to her bird as the camera pans around the cage.

Drusilla: You sing the sweetest little song. Won't you sing for me, hmm? Don't you love me anymore?

The bird is lying dead at the bottom of the cage. Spike comes into the room behind Drusilla.

Spike: Darling! I heard a funny thing just now. Lucius tells me that you went out on a hunt the other night.

Drusilla: My tummy was growly. And you were out. (to the bird) Come on. (whistles) I'll pout if you don't sing.

Spike: (puts his arms around her) You, um, meet anyone? Anyone interesting? Like Angel?

Drusilla: Angel.

Spike: Yeah. So... (kisses her forehead) What might you guys have talked about, then? Old times? Childhood pranks? It's a little off, you two so friendly, him being the enemy and all that.

Drusilla: (to the bird) I'll give you a seed if you sing.

Spike: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one.

Drusilla cowers and whines.

Spike: Oh, I'm sorry baby. I'm a bad, rude man. I just don't like you goin' out, that's all. You are weak. (takes her hand) Would you like a new bird? One that's not dead? (sucks on her finger)

Ford: This is so cool!

Spike looks up to see him standing among some crates.

Ford: I would totally live here.

Spike: (loudly) Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? (walks toward Ford) Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?

Ford: I know who you are.

Spike: Yeah, I know who I am, too. So what?

Ford: I came looking for you, Spike. You are Spike, right? William the Bloody?

Spike: You've got a real death wish. It's almost interesting.

The blonde vampire comes in, walks up to Spike and hands him the book she stole. Spike begins to leaf through it.

Spike: Oh, this is great. This'll be very useful. (to Ford) So, how did you find me?

Ford: That doesn't matter. I've got something to offer you. I-I'm pretty sure this is the part where you take out a watch and say I've got thirty seconds to convince you not to kill me? (smiles) It's traditional.

Spike: Well, (slams the book and strides to Ford) I don't go much for tradition.

He grabs Ford by the ear and lifts him.

Drusilla: Wait, love.

Ford is in obvious pain, but doesn't scream. Drusilla puts her hand on Spikes's shoulder, and he lets go.

Spike: Well?

Ford: Oh, c'mon! Say it! It's no fun if you don't say it.

Spike: What? Oh. (rolls his eyes and bobs his head) You've got thirty seconds to convince me not to kill you.

Ford: Yes! See, this is the best! I wanna be like you. A vampire.

Spike: I've known you for two minutes, and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you livin' forever. (to Drusilla) Can I eat him now, love?

Drusilla shakes her head.

Ford: Well, feature this: I'm offering you a trade. (Spike turns back) You make me a vampire, and I give you the Slayer.

Ford has their undivided attention. Spike smiles.

Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. (turns back, but doesn't make eye contact) Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste...

Buffy: And you made her a vampire.

Angel: First I made her insane. (looks at her) Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. (Buffy looks away) She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.

After a moment something clicks in Xander's head.

Xander: Angel was in your bedroom?

Willow: (nods) Ours is a forbidden love.

Ford: You nervous? (pours goblets of wine)

Chantarelle: Yes. No. I'm ready for the change. Do you really think they'll bless us?

Buffy: (starts down the stairs) I'm sorry, Ford. I just couldn't wait till tonight! I'm rash and impulsive. It's a flaw.

Ford: We all have flaws.

Buffy: I'm still a little fuzzy on exactly what yours is. I think it has to do with being a lying scumbag. (reaches him)

Chantarelle: Why are you fighting this? It's what we want!

Diego: It's our chance for immortality.

Chantarelle: This is a beautiful day. Can't you see that?

Buffy: What I see is that, right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.

Diego: Okay, that's it. I think we should gag her.

Buffy: I think you should try.

Buffy: I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here! Do you understand that? You're going to die! And the only hope you have of surviving this is to get out of this pit right now, and, my God, could you have a dorkier outfit?

Diego is offended. Chantarelle smiles.

Ford: I gotta back her up, D. You look like a big ninny. (his alarm goes off) 6:27. Sunset.

Spike: When we get there, everybody spread out. Two men on the door, first priority's the Slayer, everything else is fair game, and let's remember to share, people. (meets Drusilla ) Are you sure you're up for this?

Drusilla: I want a treat. I need a treat.

Spike: And a special one you'll have. Lucius! (hold up his keys) Bring the car around.

Buffy: Well, I've got a news flash for you, braintrust: that's not how it works. You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house, and it walks, and it talks, and it remembers your life, but it's not you.

Spike: Take them all. Save the Slayer for me.

The vampires run and jump down the stairs to the people below and begin feeding. Spike grabs Chantarelle by the neck and bites her violently. Buffy wakes and gets up, and Ford tries to hit her with a crowbar. She grabs his arm in mid-swing and pulls him around, making him hit his head on a concrete pillar. He falls unconscious to the floor. She looks at the mayhem going on around her and spots Drusilla standing by herself on the balcony. She takes a running leap off of a couch up to the balcony railing, quickly climbs over, grabs Drusilla from behind and holds a stake to her chest.

Buffy: Spike!

Spike stops feeding on Chantarelle and looks over at them. Drusilla stares at the stake poised in front of her.

Spike: Everybody STOP!

They all stop feeding.

Buffy: Good idea. Now you let everyone out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray.

Drusilla: (frightened) Spike?

Spike: It's gonna be alright, baby. Let them go!

They all let go of their victims, and the people hurry up the stairs and out.

Buffy: Down the stairs.

Spike slowly backs down the stairs. Buffy forces Drusilla ahead of her, still holding the stake ready. When Buffy reaches the top of the stairs she stares at Spike for a moment. She looks at Drusilla and shoves her down the stairs at Spike. He catches and steadies her as Buffy turns and rushes out the door. He starts to give chase as Buffy swings the door shut behind her. Spike slams up against it. He looks for the way to open it.

Spike: Uh, where's the doorknob?

Ford: What happened?

Spike: We're stuck in a basement.

Ford: Buffy?

Spike: (comes down to him) She's *not* stuck in the basement.

Ford: Hey, well, I delivered. I handed her to you.

Spike: Yes, I suppose you did.

Ford: So? What about my reward?

Spike and Ford just stare at each other.

Buffy: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get.

Giles: I believe that's called growing up.

Buffy: I'd like to stop then, okay?

Giles: I know the feeling.

Buffy: Does it ever get easy?

Ford suddenly rises from his grave, a vampire just like he wanted, and attacks Buffy. She plunges a stake into his heart with no more effort than swatting a fly. He steps back and looks at the stake protruding from his chest. He looks back up and bursts into ashes.

Giles: You mean life?

Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?

Giles: What do you want me to say?

Buffy: (looks up at him) Lie to me.

Giles: (considers a moment) Yes, it's terribly simple.

They start walking out of the cemetery.

Giles: The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.

Buffy: Liar.

Click Here To to to the third page!

.
.

.