Blue Days Black Nights
by Cariann

Prologue

Buffy is trying to pay attention to the boy across from her, but her mind just keeps wondering. There hasn't been a day since Spike left her in the cemetery near death, that Buffy hasn't thought about him. Her thoughts usually come at the most inopportune times. Either while taking a test, or slaying, or when out on a date. She hasn't dated much in the past year, but her friends seem to have taken up the job of matchmaker. Every couple of weeks, either Xander, Willow, her mother, and even Giles once or twice, has introduced her to some guy that they have sworn is perfect for her. Only once has it reached a second date.

Buffy sighs. She knows Adam, the current guy, isn't going to get a second date. There's nothing really wrong with him, or any of the others, except they aren't Spike. Spike, gone for a year, and still at the forefront of the slayer's mind. She hasn't heard a thing about him since he left. The reason wasn't from her lack of trying, but rather from the fact that he seems to have disappeared.

Sometimes Buffy feared he was dead, but she was sure that word would have trickled down to her if that was in fact true. If a vampire as powerful, and infamous as Spike was killed, Buffy was sure she would have been able to find out. Buffy figured he was remaining pretty low key. She also knew he didn't want to be found by her.

None of her friends understood why she would want to find Spike after he had raped and almost killed her, and Buffy couldn't give them an answer. Buffy couldn't tell them that wasn't what happened. That she had wanted it, begged for it. She had undone his pants. She had urged him on with her hips. She had held his head to her neck. She had enjoyed it.

She just knew that somewhere deep inside of her she longed to find him. She could feel the emptiness he left in her life. She could feel the love he took away. She didn't understand it. When Angel left, she grieved, but accepted it. With Spike, she couldn't accept that he was no longer there. Maybe it was because of the way things were left. Buffy didn't hate Spike for leaving. She just wished things had been different.

Buffy refocuses on Adam as he continues to drone on about his love for deep sea fishing. **What on God's green earth was Willow thinking?**

Part 1

Buffy and Willow are walking to their dorm.

"Willow, I know you were just trying to help, but could you be a little more choosy next time?" Buffy moans about her date the previous evening with Adam.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't know about the fishing," Willow apologizes.

The girls enter their dorm building, and head for the mailboxes.

"Next year, Will, we definitely need to live off campus," Buffy comments opening her mailbox.

"Maybe we could move in with Giles?" Willow suggests with an evil grin.

Buffy pulls out a few envelopes and a small package. "He'd love that. Have you noticed how much we get on his nerves now? I swear he acts like we intentionally ruin his social life. You'd think he'd understand after years of ruining mine," Buffy comments looking through her mail.

"Bill, bill, letter from Angel, " Buffy pauses and opens it.

Things with Angel changed forever that night a year ago. Spike was right. Angel couldn't look at her, and not be disgusted. He had left right after he made sure she would survive. Buffy finally went down to LA to talk to him. She tried to make him understand, and he did. He understood only too well. Angel forgave her. He still loved her more than anything else, but he could never be with her now, and Buffy didn't want him to be. She returned to Sunnydale, and only talked to Angel when it came down to evil that needed to be quashed.

"Yada, yada, yada, new evil in town. What else is new," Buffy comments after skimming the letter.

She continues looking at her mail. "Another bill, credit card application, yippee." Buffy pauses as she examines the package. "This package has no return address."

"Where's it from?" Willow curiously asks.

"Martinique? Where the hell is that?"

"The Caribbean. Who do you know in the Caribbean?"

Buffy shrugs, "I guess I'll find out when I open it."

"Maybe you should wait until we ask Giles. It could be dangerous," Willow warns.

"If it's a bomb, Giles won't be able to help."

Buffy holds it up to her ear, and comments, "It's not ticking," before ripping it open to reveal a tape cassette.

"A tape?" Willow asks confused.

"Hey maybe the council has decided to be like those guys in Mission Impossible. You know, this is your mission if you choose to accept it, and then poof the tape disappears."

"Buffy, you quit the council over a year and a half ago," Willow answers.

"I know, but they still bug me every so often. Maybe if the pay was better, I would go back."

"There is no pay," Willow answers.

"Exactly," Buffy shouts, "the council can just bugger off."

"Buffy," Willow warns.

"What?" Buffy asks confused.

"The no Spike rules," Willow reminds her.

"Right. Rule number 2, no saying Spikeisms, which bugger off falls into. My bad. Remind me to deposit a dollar when we get to our room."

After Spike left, Willow had helped Buffy develop the Spike rules to get Buffy to stop thinking about him all the time. Whenever Buffy broke a rule, she put a dollar in the love bites fund. The fund was then used for having fun. They went on trips, went shopping, and what other entertainment they could afford depending on how bad Buffy had been. There usually was quite a bit of money in the fund, since Spike was all Buffy usually thought about.

The girls enter their dorm, and Buffy heads straight for the stereo. She pops in the tape, and pushes play.

The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game
Even though I know-I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold-like old Job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show
And what do you want, I want to change
And what have you got
When you feel the same
Even though I know-I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold-like old Job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was an only son
Tell me I'm the chosen one
Jesus was an only son for you
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
And I still believe that I cannot be saved

The song finishes, and then silence is all that is heard. After waiting a minute, Buffy hits stop.

"Who would send you a Smashing Pumpkins song?" Willow asks.

"Beats me. I guess it's supposed to have some meaning," Buffy answers.

Buffy rewinds the tape, and listens to it again. She carefully listens to the lyrics, and goes pale.

"Buffy what's wrong?" Willow asks concerned.

"The song, listen to it," Buffy whispers.

"I am, something about rats in a cage."

�Willow, you're supposed to be the genius here. It's about someone struggling against who they are. It's about someone who can't control what they are, and the things that are happening to them. It's about someone who wants to change, but feels they can't, and they've lost something they can never get back."

"Who would send that to you. Are you struggling against who you are?"

"All the time, but it's not about me. The world is a vampire," Buffy quotes.

"Angel?"

"No, Angel's not into being cryptic guy anymore, plus I got a letter from him. Willow, I think it's from Spike," Buffy says, pain and hope crossing over her face.

All Willow can say is, "Rule number 1."

"This isn't time for games, Will. Who else could have sent it? Know any other vampires who would send this?"

"No," Willow sadly answers.

"Me neither. I have to go to Martinique," Buffy declares, her heart pounding in her chest. **He's not dead.**

"What?" Willow asks shocked. "Buffy that isn't a good idea."

"I have to. He sent this for a reason, and I want to find out what that reason is."

"Buffy, you were letting him go. Do you really want to reopen all that Spike makes you feel, makes you remember?"

"I didn't reopen it. He did by sending this tape," Buffy argues.

"Maybe it wasn't Spike," Willow hopefully suggests.

"Who else could it be, Will?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should ask Giles."

�No, I'm going," Buffy declares her mind made up.

"Buffy," Willow starts.

"Will, I'm going. Nothing you can say will make me change my mind," Buffy firmly states. "I have to see him."

Buffy grabs a suitcase, and starts throwing clothes into it.

Defeated, Willow weakly asks, "Want me to come?"

"Nope, I'm going alone," Buffy declares.

She throws a few last things in her suitcase before snapping it closed. "Tell Giles," Buffy stops to think, and then continues, "Tell Giles something, but not the truth, and I'll call you when I get there."

Buffy grabs her suitcase, and starts to walk out.

"Buffy," Willow calls to her. Buffy turns around, and Willow continues, "Be careful."

Buffy smiles, "I will," and then she is gone.

Part 2

Buffy sits on the plane to Martinique trying to piece together what it all means. **Spike sent me that song for a reason. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think he wants me to understand something.**

The words of the song haunt Buffy. **"Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage. Then someone says what is lost can never be saved." "Nothing but an animal�and what do you want, I want to change." "And I still believe I cannot be saved." **

Buffy has waited a year for this. She has waited a year to see Spike again, to try to make things right. **This has to be his way of coming back to me.** A nagging thought in the back of her mind told her it might also be his way of saying good bye, but Buffy clung to the hope that it was his way of reentering her life.

When Buffy lands in Martinique, it is still daylight. She takes a cab to a local motel. It's not the best motel there is, but it falls into her price range. She checks in, and goes up to her room to rest before she starts searching for Spike.

Her room is small. It contains one double bed against the wall, and next to it a nightstand with a phone, and clock. A desk sits directly opposite the bed. There's no TV, or decoration on the wall. **This is depressing. I need to get a better paying job.**

Buffy unpacks her suitcase, and then grabs the phone book from the drawer. She lies on her stomach on the bed, and flips through the phonebook. **Okay, Spike isn't going to be listed, not that I know his last name anyway, but I can find some clubs, or what not that Spike might go to. Bars. When he's depressed he drinks like a fish.**

Buffy writes down the addresses of a few bars, and clubs in the area. She glances at the clock, and sighs. Fatigue overwhelms her, and she drifts off to sleep. It's still three hours until sunset.

Buffy wakes up a few hours later. She stretches out on the bed, and thinks of Spike. She thinks about his blue eyes, and how they danced wickedly when he teased her. She thinks about his cold, smooth hands, and how they felt on her body. She thinks about the way he never called her Buffy. Instead, he called her baby, or pet, or luv, or his favorite, slayer. She sighs when she thinks about him making love to her. **I have to find him. I need to find him.**

Shaking away her thoughts, Buffy gets up to go take a shower. After she gets dressed in a simple light blue slip dress, Buffy calls Willow.

"Hey Will, I'm here."

"Did you find Spike yet?"

"I haven't even started looking. I took a nap, and the sun is just going down."

"How are you going to find him?" Willow asks.

"I'm just going to go out, and look. I'll ask around, and just see what I can find."

"Good luck."

"Thanks, I think I'm going to need it. I'll call you tomorrow," Buffy promises before hanging up.

Buffy leaves her room, and starts walking through the streets of Fort-de-France, the capitol of Martinique. The Caribbean breeze blows her loose hair. **I wish I had time to enjoy this place. It's beautiful.**

She enters the first club on her list, and looks around. It's a typical tourist club, playing corny American tunes, and filled with vacationers. Buffy quickly exits, knowing Spike would never go there.

She continues her search, and by midnight she has gone to four clubs, and three bars. She hasn't seen Spike, nor did anyone she asks know of him. Ready to give up, Buffy turns back towards her motel.

On her way she passes a quaint little French restaurant. The sign says closed, but Buffy peers inside, something drawing her there. A young man, who is sweeping the floor, notices her, and opens the door.

"Miss, we're closed," the boy tells Buffy. He is about eighteen years old, with short dark hair, and green eyes. He's dressed in simple khakis and a white polo shirt.

"I know. I was just looking. It's a nice place here. I'll have to come back tomorrow," Buffy starts to walk off, but the boy calls her back.

"If you're hungry, I was just going to eat. You could join me, if you want," the boy offers.

�I don't want to intrude," Buffy answers turning back around, her stomach growling.

"No intrusion, I promise. I'm Vincent, and I would like very much if you would join me."

Buffy smiles. "Okay, thanks."

Buffy walks into the restaurant, and Vincent pulls out a chair for her. "What's your name?" he asks.

"Buffy."

"Buffy?" he questions.

"Yeah, why?"

"Nothing. I've just never met anyone named Buffy before."

"I've never met anyone named Vincent before," she smartly replies.

"You got me. So, Buffy, what are you doing in Martinique?" Vincent asks sitting across from her.

Buffy hesitates before answering, "Vacation."

"With family?"

"No, alone," she answers looking away.

"You don't want to talk about it do you?"

"Not really."

"Okay, well then I will tell you that I am here on vacation as well, only with my family. Before you ask, we come here every year, and I work here because I'm friends with the owner. Plus it beats hanging out with my parents all the time."

"I can understand that."

"So Buffy, what would you like to eat?" Vincent asks.

"Whatever is fine," Buffy answers.

"Be right back," Vincent says before disappearing into the kitchen.

Buffy stands up, and walks around the restaurant. She looks at the picturesque pictures of Paris on the wall. She stands in front of one after another, thinking how nice it would be to go to Paris. Vincent comes back carrying two plates.

"Looks like there isn't much of a choice. I hope you like chicken," he says walking over to her.

"I do," she smiles. "These pictures are really pretty," she comments as she sits back down.

"Yeah, I never really paid attention to them before. Paris is beautiful though. Have you ever been?"

"No, actually this is the first vacation I've ever taken."

"Really, I've been all over, and God could that sound anymore conceited, and snobby."

Buffy smiles at him. "I would love to travel, especially to Paris."

"You should go one day. It's well worth it."

"So Vincent how is it that you have traveled so much?"

"My parents are loaded. My great great grandfather made a ton of cash somehow. No one really knows how, so I'm guessing it was illegal. Anyway, my dad is in investments, and well, he invests very well."

"So you're one of those rich kids."

"Please, don't stereo type me. I'm not a bad guy. I don't hang out at country clubs, and talk about the stock market. Money's nice, and all, but I could live without some of the stuff that comes with it, especially boarding school."

"You go to boarding school?"

"Yeah, in Switzerland no less. How's that for snobby?"

Buffy laughs, "So where do you live when not on vacation, or in school?"

"Connecticut, you?"

"Sunnydale, a small, evil town in Southern California."

"Never been there myself, but I have been to LA."

"I used to live in LA before we moved."

"What's it like in Sunnydale?"

"Hell," Buffy jokes before continuing, "but it's like any other town. I go to the local college, and hang out with my friends."

"Sounds like a nice life," Vincent comments.

"It's nice, but not as nice as traveling all over the world, and hanging out in country clubs," Buffy teases.

Vincent grins, and they spend the rest of dinner in pleasant conversation. Buffy tells him about her friends, school, and her life in general in Sunnydale, minus the slayer bits. Vincent tells her about school, and where he's been. Towards the end of the meal, Vincent tells her he's taking a trip to Prague later this year.

"Have you ever been there before," Buffy asks.

"Once," Vincent answers.

"What's it like?"

"Old," he answers, "a lot of old buildings, and churches. I went when I was twelve on a class trip. It felt like I was transported to centuries far gone."

"I guess that's why he liked it there," Buffy unconsciously comments.

"Who?" Vincent asks confused. Buffy looks up at him. He can see the pain in her eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up painful memories," he apologizes.

Buffy sighs. She decides to tell him why she is really here. After bottling up her emotions for so long, they come pouring out.

"Spike. He lived in Prague for years. That's why I am here. I heard he was here, and I'm trying to find him," she answers tears forming in her eyes.

"Lost love?"

"Yeah. He left a year ago."

"You still miss him?"

"Terribly. I hate how things ended. It was just circumstances neither of us could control, and he left before I could tell him that after everything I still loved him more than anything."

"How come you think he is here?"

"I got a package from here with no return address. I know it's from him, and I just had to see him, but I have no idea how to find him," Buffy finishes hopelessness filling her voice.

"Come back tomorrow morning. The boss here knows everyone. If your Spike is here, he'll know," Vincent offers.

"Thanks," Buffy smiles at him.

"No problem."

Part 3

Buffy is standing on the beach staring out into the ocean. The breeze whips her hair, and she pulls her sweater tighter around her body. The moon is shining down on her making her skin softly glow.

His hands circle her waist pulling her close to him. Her body shivers from his touch. He lowers his head to her ear, and whispers, "I knew you would come."

"I couldn't stay away from you," she murmurs back resting her head on his shoulder.

He entwines his fingers with hers, and whispers, "I love you, slayer."

Buffy looks up into his blue eyes. He smiles down at her before lowering his lips to hers.

Buffy sighs, as she slowly opens her eyes. Instead of looking up at Spike, she is staring at the ceiling of her motel room. Sunlight is streaming in from the window. Buffy groans, and throws her arm over her eyes. **The dream was so real, and kinda freaky. It's almost like the one I had about Angel, and he came back to me. Maybe it's one of my prophecy dreams.**

Buffy smiles before getting out of bed, and heading for the shower. Once she's dressed, she picks up the phone and calls Willow.

"Hey, Will."

"How's the search for Spike going?" she asks.

"Well, I didn't find him last night, but I may have better luck today. This guy I met is going to introduce me to this man who is supposed to know everybody."

"Good, how are you doing?"

"Okay. I'll be better once I find him."

"Good luck," Willow offers.

"Thanks, I'll call you tomorrow before I leave."

"If you don't find him, are you still leaving tomorrow?"

"I don't know," Buffy answers before hanging up.

Buffy leaves her motel, and heads back to the restaurant. After they ate last night, Vincent, and Buffy had talked some more, and Vincent had promised to help her find Spike, and if she wanted to show her around Martinique.

Buffy enters the restaurant, and waves to Vincent. Vincent smiles at her, and walks over. "Come on, I'll introduce you to Pierre. I have to warn you though, his English isn't too good."

Buffy lets Vincent lead her over to an elderly man at the bar. "Pierre," he starts before continuing in French that Buffy doesn't understand.

"He doesn't know anyone named Spike, but asks what he looks like,� Vincent translates for her.

"He's about your height, with bleached blonde hair, and blue eyes. He always wears a leather duster, and he's British," Buffy answers.

Vincent translates to Pierre, and Pierre answers him.

"He says maybe. There was an English guy that came here often. He fits your description, but his name wasn't Spike," Vincent tells Buffy.

"What was his name?" Buffy nervously asks.

Vincent asks Pierre, and Pierre answers. Buffy doesn't need a translator to understand what Pierre calls him. "Monsieur William."

"That's him," Buffy squeals.

"Are you sure?" Vincent asks.

"His name is really William," she answers. "Ask him where I can find him."

Vincent asks Pierre, and then translates his answer. "He doesn't know. He left a week ago, and didn't tell Pierre where he was going."

Buffy's face drops. **He knew I would come after him. He doesn't want to see me.**

"Buffy, Pierre wants to know why you are looking for him. He says William was very private, and didn't want anyone to find him. The only reason Pierre told you is because he's gone now."

"Tell him it's because I love him," Buffy answers tears quietly falling sown her face.

Vincent translates to Pierre, and then tells Buffy, "He wants me to ask you if you know what he is."

Buffy turns to Pierre, and nods. Pierre takes her hand in his. "You know his secret, and still love him," Pierre asks in a thick accent.

Buffy nods again. "I'm sorry, I do not know where he is," Pierre tells her letting her hand go.

"Thank you," Buffy whispers before running out of the restaurant. Vincent chases after her calling her name.

Buffy slows down, and leans against a building sobbing. Vincent puts an arm around her, and whispers, "I'm sorry."

Buffy turns her head, and buries it into his chest. Vincent strokes her back, as she cries. **Spike's gone. Spike's gone. He didn't want to see me. He was saying good bye. He's really gone.**

Finally, Buffy pulls away. She takes a deep breath, and says, "You offered to show me around. Is that offer still good?" Buffy asks wiping her tears away.

"Of course," Vincent answers taking her hand.

Buffy spends the rest of the day, and night enjoying Martinique, and Vincent's company. Buffy is even slightly sad that Vincent lives so far away. She can see herself making it to a second, and third date with him.

Vincent walks her back to her motel as the sun is rising. Buffy's plane leaves in four hours.

"I wish you were staying longer," Vincent tells her.

"Me too," Buffy answers.

"You promise to write me, right?" Vincent asks.

"Yes, and I always keep my promises."

The whole night they hadn't talked about Spike, but now Vincent takes her hand, and whispers, "I'm sorry you didn't find what you were looking for."

Buffy looks up into his eyes. As the night wore on, she had accepted that Spike was gone. "So am I, but I did find something else," Buffy answers.

"What's that," Vincent asks.

"A new friend," Buffy answers before standing on her toes, and placing a soft kiss on his lips. Vincent looks down at her, and smiles.

"I wish things could be different," he sadly says.

"So do I." Buffy turns and disappears into her motel. She has to pack, call Willow, and be at the airport in two hours. Then she can sleep, and cry all the way home.

Part 4

The streets of Casablanca are practically deserted at this time of night. Spike prowls the streets looking for something to take his mind off of Buffy. Everyday since he left her almost two years ago, he has thought about her. Not just idle, random thoughts, but rather life consuming thoughts. He dreams about her, sees her in every young girls face, and hears her in ever laugh. She invades every second of his day.

Spike runs his hand through his hair. He growls when he feels the dirt, and grime from the city. **Bloody hell, why did I come to Africa of all places? To go where the slayer will never follow you.**

The night he left Sunnydale he headed for Mexico. He spent a few weeks there, before hitching a ride to Martinique. Spike liked Martinique. It was paradise. The only problem being it made him long for the slayer. It made him wish she were there to share the beauty with him.

Spike reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tape. He stares at the tape debating whether or not to send it. He sent the first tape as an attempt to apologize, and to say good bye. It was his way of attempting to have some closure.

His plan backfired big time. It made him think of the slayer more. He wondered what she thought, and felt when she listened to it. He played the scene in his mind over and over again picturing her face as she listened to the tape. He knew she knew it was from him. He wondered if she was mad, or sad, or if she didn't care. He wondered if she ever listened to it again.

He left Martinique out of fear. Fear that Buffy would try to find him. Fear that Buffy hated him, and would want to stake him for what he did that night in the cemetery. Fear that she wouldn't try to find him, because she didn't care.

He puts the tape back into his pocket. He made the tape last week after he heard a song on the radio that reminded him of the slayer. He had gone out that night, and bought the tape. He listened to that song over and over again, and finally made a tape of it for Buffy. He wanted her to hear it. He wanted to know if it made her think of him.

Spike enters a bar, and sits at the counter. He orders a shot of whiskey, and downs it. It burns a fiery trail down his throat. He orders another hoping to numb his mind, and forget about the slayer.

A woman comes up behind him. She's about twenty, and very pretty. Her black hair cascades down her back in tight spirals, and her eyes are darker than the night. The darkness of her hair, and eyes is contrasted by the paleness of her skin, and the softness of her features. She's wearing a deep red velvet shirt, and a long black skirt that falls to her ankles.

"Mind if I sit here?" she asks.

Spike shrugs, and motions for her to take the seat without even bothering to look at her. She sits down, and smiles at him.

She motions to the bartender, and says, "I'll have what he's having."

The drink is placed in front of her, and she drinks it in one gulp. "What's your name?" she asks Spike.

"William," he answers.

"I'm Becca." Spike doesn't answer, or look at her. He lights a cigarette, and inhales deeply. "Not one for company, are you?" Becca asks.

"Not really," Spike answers motioning for another drink.

"Trying to drink your troubles away?" Becca asks.

"Something like that," Spike answers.

"A girl?"

"It's always about a girl, isn't it?"

"Want to talk about it?" Becca offers.

"Not really. I'm trying to forget it," Spike answers downing another shot.

"You're not from around here, are you?"

Spike chuckles, "What gave it away?"

"The accent," Becca replies smiling.

"Yeah, well I'm not really from anywhere."

"A man of the world. Interesting."

"Not really," Spike mumbles taking another drag of his cigarette.

"I don't believe you. There's a story there, and I'm guessing it's very interesting." Spike arches his eyebrow as he takes another drag of his cigarette still not looking at his companion. Becca continues, "What brought you to Casablanca?"

"A ship," Spike dryly replies.

Becca laughs, "Cute. I'm guessing you are running from something. Am I right?"

Spike slowly inhales on his cigarette before answering, "It's useless, you know. No matter where I go it follows me."

�So why do you keep running?" Spike doesn't answer. He crushes his cigarette in an ashtray, and orders another drink. "You keep downing the whiskey that way, and it's going to make it easier for me to have my way with you later," Becca teases.

Spike smiles, and replies, "Maybe I'm the one who's going to have my way with you."

"I wouldn't mind," she purrs.

Spike finally looks at the girl next to him. His eyes shoot open in shock. He stares at her with his mouth open. His hands are gripping the bar so tightly the wood splinters. **Bloody hell. She looks like Drusilla.**

Becca places her hand on his arm. "Are you okay?" she asks concerned.

Spike tears his eyes away from her, and lets go of the bar. He runs his hand through his hair, and mumbles, "Just bloody great."

"Need another drink?" Becca asks.

Spike nods his head, and Becca motions to the bartender to get another drink. "You look like someone I used to know," Spike tells her.

"Someone you used to love?" Becca asks. Spike grabs the drink in front of him, and downs it. He nods his head. "Is that what you are running from?"

Spike lets out a sadistic laugh. "I haven't really thought about her in the past two years. She was my black goddess, my love, my entire world. She left me and I turned into the most pathetic creature imaginable. I loved her for many lifetimes, and now she is a distant memory. Funny how that works."

"Lifetimes?" Becca questions.

Spike looks at her and grins. "Want to hear that story, luv?"

"What story?"

"The one you thought would be so interesting."

"Sure," Becca hesitantly replies.

"Let's take a walk," Spike says as he stands up.

"Where to?" Becca asks.

"Nowhere, just out," Spike answers. He notices the look of fear, and hesitation on Becca's face, and smiles. "Don't worry, luv, I promise I won't bite."

Spike extends his hand, and Becca places hers in his. They walk out of the bar, and through the streets of Casablanca for the rest of the night. Spike tells her the story of his life, and Becca listens in stunned silence.

Just before sunrise Spike finishes his story. Becca looks at him in shock, and doubt as she tries to digest the unbelievable story Spike just told her. A slow smile creeps across her lips, and she bursts out laughing.

"I don't believe you."

Spike smiles, "I didn't think you would. The story of my life can be told in less than a minute. I loved a beautiful dark goddess who left me a shell of my former self. I was devastated, and thought I'd never love again, but then I met a girl who was brighter than the brightest star. I fell in love again, but it wasn't meant to be. She loves someone else, and I did something she will never forgive. So, now I am here trying to escape from the memories."

"You'll love again," Becca promises.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Spike replies.

"You loved once, and lost. You loved again, and lost. Three's a charm right?"

Spike doesn't answer her. Instead he fingers the tape in his pocket. **I will always love you, slayer.** "Do me a favor, luv."

"What's that?" Becca asks.

"Mail this for me," he says handing her the tape.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Just a little something for my lost love, so she doesn't forget I love her," Spike answers.

"I'll mail it as soon as the post office opens," Becca promises.

"Thanks. I have to go," Spike says looking up at the impending sunrise.

"Will I ever see you again?" Becca asks.

Spike looks at her. "Probably not. I'm leaving tonight."

Spike starts to walk away, but Becca calls after him. "William."

Spike stops, and turns back around. Becca jogs over to him. "The story was true, wasn't it?" she asks looking up into his eyes for the answer.

Spike just gives her a wicked grin before disappearing down an alley.

Part 5

Buffy fumbles in her purse for her keys. She is returning from a fun night of dancing with some friends from school. Since returning from her trip to Martinique over a year ago, Buffy's life has dramatically changed.

Buffy, and Willow moved into an apartment near campus at the beginning of their third year at UC Sunnydale. She got a job at a coffee shop. She made new friends at school. She still does her slayer duties, but the new slayer, Amber, takes up most of the slack. Buffy only gets involved when she's needed. She's doing well in school, and has been dating regularly.

She hasn't fallen in love again. She knows she is not ready for that yet, but she has had relationships that last for a few months. They never end badly. They just end when it becomes apparent that they are not going to move to the next level. Buffy hasn't had sex, since that last night with Spike, and she plans to keep it that way until she falls in love.

Buffy walks into the dark apartment, and switches on the hall light. She sets her purse down, and picks through the mail sitting on the table by the door. She tosses the bills, and junk aside, and lifts up a letter from Vincent.

Buffy, and Vincent write to each other religiously. Buffy takes the letter, not seeing the small package addressed to her, and walks into the kitchen ripping open the letter. She grabs a soda, and sits down at the table to read Vincent's latest letter.

Dear Buffy,

Well it's been a year since we met. I can't believe it's been that long. It seems like only yesterday you were standing on the moonlighted beach of Martinique. I'm actually glad I'm at Yale now, and couldn't go with my parents this year. The memories of you would have been unbearable. One day, we'll have to go back.

I hope you're seriously considering visiting me in Connecticut this summer. We'll have so much fun. We can go to New York, Philadelphia, and even Boston if you want. Please, please think about. I would really love it if you came.

I hope you are dealing well with finals. My first year of finals is driving me insane. I live off of coffee, no sleep, and pizza, but don't worry, I'm not all fat, and gross. I would write more, but my calculus final is in an hour, and I'm not quite sure yet what a derivative is, and I'm pretty sure it'll be on the test.

Take care, and write me back soon.

Love,
Vincent

Buffy smiles as she sets the letter down. She grabs her soda, and heads for her room. An hour later, Buffy is in bed reading when Willow comes home.

"Buffy, are you up?" Willow calls.

"In my room, Will," Buffy shouts back.

Willow pops her head in, "Did you have fun dancing?"

"The best. It definitely relaxed me after that art history final today."

"Are you ready for our mythology final tomorrow?"

Buffy pats the book on her lap. "I'm reading about Hercules right now."

"There was a package on the table for you," Willow says, as she holds it out.

"I didn't see it," Buffy says getting up and taking the package. Her face goes pale as she stares at the package from Morocco with no return address.

"Buffy?" Willow asks.

"It's from Spike," Buffy quietly says.

"Oh Buffy, I didn't know," Willow apologizes putting her arm around Buffy in comfort.

Buffy unwraps the package revealing a tape. "A musical message again. This is starting to piss me off."

Buffy walks over to the stereo, and pops the tape in. She presses play.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again.

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again.

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you.

Buffy pushes stop, and slams her fist into the stereo. The stereo is crushed under her strength. She removes her bloody fist from the ruined machine.

"Why the fuck does he do this?" Buffy yells, tears streaming down her face. "I was getting better. I was letting him go. Why does he have to torture me like this?"

Buffy breaks down into sobs, and Willow wraps her arms around her. Buffy continues to sob, and eventually collapses onto the floor. Willow sits next to her, holding her head in her lap as she cries. **"However far away, I will always love you."**

When Buffy's tears subside, Willow quietly asks her, "Are you going to Morocco?"

Buffy stands up wiping the tears from her face. "No. He doesn't want to be found. If he wants to see me, he knows where I am."

Continued

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