REM M U R P H Y ' S   L A W   Q U O T E S
REM by James Marshall   December 19, 1995
REM Randomly selects and prints one of a selected number of sayings from
REM _The_Complete_Murphy's_Law_ by Arthur Bloch
PRINT
RANDOMIZE TIMER
number% = INT(353 * RND + 1)
PRINT "A Murphy's Law quote:"
SELECT CASE number%
CASE 1: PRINT "If anything can go wrong, it will."
CASE 2: PRINT "Nothing is as easy as it looks."
CASE 3: PRINT "Everything takes longer than you think."
CASE 4: PRINT "If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,": PRINT "the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong."
CASE 5: PRINT "If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure": PRINT "can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop."
CASE 6: PRINT "Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."
CASE 7: PRINT "Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first."
CASE 8: PRINT "Every solution breeds new problems."
CASE 9: PRINT "It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious."
CASE 10: PRINT "Mother nature is a bitch."
CASE 11: PRINT "There is always an easier way to do it."
CASE 12: PRINT "Mediocrity imitates."
CASE 13: PRINT "When things are going well, something will go wrong."
CASE 14: PRINT "Proposals, as understood by the proposer will be judged otherwise by others."
CASE 15: PRINT "No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain": PRINT "a percentage of people who believe it true."
CASE 16: PRINT "No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right."
CASE 17: PRINT "When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been": PRINT "correct in the first place."
CASE 18: PRINT "The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability."
CASE 19: PRINT "Most things get steadily worse."
CASE 20: PRINT "A shortcut is the longest distance between two points."
CASE 21: PRINT "Direct action produces direct reaction."
CASE 22: PRINT "Society is a mule, not a car.  If pressed too hard, it will kick": PRINT "and throw off its rider."
CASE 23: PRINT "When a person attempts a task, he will be thwarted in that task by the": PRINT "unconscious intervention of some other presence (animate or inanimate)."
CASE 24: PRINT "Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur."
CASE 25: PRINT "Everything put together falls apart sooner or later."
CASE 26: PRINT "All pluses have their minuses."
CASE 27: PRINT "One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible."
CASE 28: PRINT "In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action,": PRINT "most people will choose the worst one possible."
CASE 29: PRINT "You can't win.  You can't break even.  You can't even quit the game."
CASE 30: PRINT "Things will get worse before they get better.": PRINT "Who said things would get better?"
CASE 31: PRINT "Confusion is always increasing in society."
CASE 32: PRINT "Confusion not only reigns, it pours."
CASE 33: PRINT "Things get worse under pressure."
CASE 34: PRINT "The simple explanation always follow the complex solution."
CASE 35: PRINT "Only someone who understands something absolutely can explain it": PRINT "so no one else can understand it."
CASE 36: PRINT "Nothing ever goes away."
CASE 37: PRINT "Anything that begins well, ends badly.": PRINT "Anything that begins badly, ends worse."
CASE 38: PRINT "If it looks easy, it's tough.": PRINT "If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible."
CASE 39: PRINT "Negative slack intends to increase."
CASE 40: PRINT "Random events tend to occur in groups."
CASE 41: PRINT "Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them": PRINT "is to use a larger can."
CASE 42: PRINT "Never open a can of worms unless you plan to go fishing."
CASE 43: PRINT "Ninety percent of everything is crud."
CASE 44: PRINT "Negative expectations yield negative results.": PRINT "Positive expectations yield negative results."
CASE 45: PRINT "Last year was always better."
CASE 46: PRINT "As soon as you mention something good, it goes away.": PRINT "As soon as you mention something bad, it happens."
CASE 47: PRINT "An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction."
CASE 48: PRINT "A fail-safe circuit will destroy others."
CASE 49: PRINT "If wires can be connected in two different ways, the first way blows the fuse."
CASE 50: PRINT "In any calculation, any error that can creep in will do so."
CASE 51: PRINT "Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm."
CASE 52: PRINT "In any formula, constants are to be treated as variables."
CASE 53: PRINT "If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation,": PRINT "no one will be at fault."
CASE 54: PRINT "If you keep anything long enough you can throw it away.": PRINT "If you throw anything away, you will need it": PRINT "  as soon as it is no longer accessible."
CASE 55: PRINT "The location of all objects can not be known simultaneously."
CASE 56: PRINT "You can always find what you're not looking for."
CASE 57: PRINT "If you have a pen, there's no paper.": PRINT "If you have paper, there's no pen.": PRINT "If you have both, there's no message."
CASE 58: PRINT "If anything can't go wrong, it will."
CASE 59: PRINT "If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will."
CASE 60: PRINT "If a series of events goes wrong, it will do so": PRINT " in the worst possible sequence."
CASE 61: PRINT "After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself."
CASE 62: PRINT "Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse."
CASE 63: PRINT "When the going gets tough, everyone leaves."
CASE 64: PRINT "Two wrongs are only the beginning."
CASE 65: PRINT "In any given set of circumstances, the proper course of action": PRINT "is determined by subsequent events."
CASE 66: PRINT "Things go right so they can go wrong."
CASE 67: PRINT "In precise mathematical terms, 1 + 1 = 2, where '=' is a symbol": PRINT "meaning 'seldom if ever.'"
CASE 68: PRINT "You can know something has gone wrong only when you make": PRINT "an odd number of mistakes."
CASE 69: PRINT "Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come."
CASE 70: PRINT "Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed."
CASE 71: PRINT "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
CASE 72: PRINT "No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would."
CASE 73: PRINT "Everything depends.": PRINT "Nothing is always.": PRINT "Everything is sometimes."
CASE 74: PRINT "If you wait it will go away.  Having done its damage.": PRINT "If it was bad, it'll be back."
CASE 75: PRINT "Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers."
CASE 76: PRINT "Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other."
CASE 77: PRINT "If you don't care where you are, you aren't lost."
CASE 78: PRINT "It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised."
CASE 79: PRINT "A crisis is when you can't say, 'Let's forget the whole thing.'"
CASE 80: PRINT "Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work."
CASE 81: PRINT "The worst is enemy of the bad."
CASE 82: PRINT "An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.": PRINT "A pessimist fears this is true."
CASE 83: PRINT "You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof."
CASE 84: PRINT "Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur."
CASE 85: PRINT "There is no limit to how bad things can get."
CASE 86: PRINT "There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong."
CASE 87: PRINT "Nature abhors people."
CASE 88: PRINT "You can't guard against the arbitrary."
CASE 89: PRINT "Never be first.  Never be last.  Never volunteer for anything."
CASE 90: PRINT "Good judgement comes from bad experience.": PRINT "Experience comes from bad judgement."
CASE 91: PRINT "Given a bad start, trouble will increase at an exponential rate."
CASE 92: PRINT "Quantity is inversely proportional to quality."
CASE 93: PRINT "There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over."
CASE 94: PRINT "Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of."
CASE 95: PRINT "Urgency varies inversely with importance."
CASE 96: PRINT "Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing."
CASE 97: PRINT "All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way."
CASE 98: PRINT "An object will fall so as to do the most damage."
CASE 99: PRINT "The effort to catch a falling, breakable object will produce more destruction": PRINT "than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place."
CASE 100: PRINT "No real problem has a solution."
CASE 102: PRINT "A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem."
CASE 103: PRINT "The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem."
CASE 104: PRINT "Error is often more earnest than truth."
CASE 105: PRINT "When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do not."
CASE 106: PRINT "The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal."
CASE 107: PRINT "Nothing ever comes out as planned."
CASE 108: PRINT "There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion."
CASE 109: PRINT "The means justify the means.  The approach to a problem": PRINT "is more important than its solution."
CASE 110: PRINT "An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion."
CASE 111: PRINT "It is the dead wood that holds up the tree."
CASE 112: PRINT "The person with the least expertise has the most opinions."
CASE 113: PRINT "No boss will keep an employee who is right all the time."
CASE 114: PRINT "Delay is the deadliest form of denial."
CASE 115: PRINT "People specialize in their area of greatest weakness."
CASE 116: PRINT "The length of a progress report is inversely proportional": PRINT "to the amount of progress."
CASE 117: PRINT "It is easier to get forgiveness than permission."
CASE 118: PRINT "Don't let your superiors know you're better than they are."
CASE 119: PRINT "Anyone can make a decision given enough facts.": PRINT "A good manager can make a decision without enough facts.": PRINT "A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance."
CASE 120: PRINT "Never make a decision you can get someone else to make."
CASE 121: PRINT "Look after the molehills and the mountains will look after themselves."
CASE 122: PRINT "Spend sufficient time in confirming the need and the need will disappear."
CASE 123: PRINT "An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance."
CASE 124: PRINT "People are always available for work in the past tense."
CASE 125: PRINT "The toughest thing in business is minding your own."
CASE 126: PRINT "If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less."
CASE 127: PRINT "Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough conferences": PRINT "are held to discuss it."
CASE 128: PRINT "You can't outtalk a man who knows what he's talking about."
CASE 129: PRINT "Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether."
CASE 130: PRINT "If you cannot convince them, confuse them."
CASE 131: PRINT "Never argue with a fool -- people might not know the difference."
CASE 132: PRINT "When in doubt, mumble.  When in trouble, delegate.  When in charge, ponder."
CASE 133: PRINT "Truth varies."
CASE 134: PRINT "If you can keep your head when all others about you are losing theirs,": PRINT "then you just don't understand the problem."
CASE 135: PRINT "A fool and your money are soon partners."
CASE 136: PRINT "Say no, then negotiate."
CASE 137: PRINT "The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that,": PRINT "you've got it made."
CASE 138: PRINT "Nothing is ever done for the right reasons."
CASE 139: PRINT "If the facts are against you, argue the law.": PRINT "If the law is against you, argue the facts.": PRINT "If the facts and the law are against you, yell like hell."
CASE 140: PRINT "Where you stand depends on where you sit.": PRINT "Where you sit depends on who you know."
CASE 141: PRINT "Arrogance is too often the companion of excellence."
CASE 142: PRINT "Glory may be fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
CASE 143: PRINT "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
CASE 144: PRINT "Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection."
CASE 145: PRINT "The simplest subjects are the ones you don't know anything about."
CASE 146: PRINT "Two monologues do not make a dialogue."
CASE 147: PRINT "In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts."
CASE 148: PRINT "If you consult enough experts you can confirm any opinion."
CASE 149: PRINT "Never speculate on that which can be known for certain."
CASE 150: PRINT "To decide not to decide is a decision.  To fail to decide is a failure."
CASE 151: PRINT "Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way."
CASE 152: PRINT "Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out."
CASE 153: PRINT "The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them": PRINT "into the impossible."
CASE 154: PRINT "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
CASE 155: PRINT "An expert is anyone from out of town."
CASE 157: PRINT "If it sits on your desk for fifteen minutes, you've just become the expert."
CASE 158: PRINT "Indecision is the basis for flexibility."
CASE 159: PRINT "Hindsight is an exact science."
CASE 160: PRINT "Never create a problem for which you do not have the answer."
CASE 161: PRINT "Create problems for which only you have the answer."
CASE 162: PRINT "A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."
CASE 163: PRINT "Fact is solidified opinion.  Facts may weaken under extreme pressure.": PRINT "Truth is elastic."
CASE 164: PRINT "When in trouble, obfuscate."
CASE 165: PRINT "It is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex task": PRINT "to make them simple."
CASE 166: PRINT "If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man --": PRINT "he will find an easier way to do it."
CASE 167: PRINT "Effort * Time = Constant"
CASE 168: PRINT "In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save."
CASE 169: PRINT "If anything is used to its full potential, it will break."
CASE 170: PRINT "The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change."
CASE 171: PRINT "If you understand it, it's obsolete."
CASE 172: PRINT "Variables won't; constants aren't."
CASE 173: PRINT "Machines should work; people should think."
CASE 174: PRINT "Anything is easier to take apart than to put together."
CASE 175: PRINT "That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart."
CASE 176: PRINT "The chaos in the universe always increases."
CASE 177: PRINT "If it jams -- force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway."
CASE 178: PRINT "Push something hard enough and it will fall over."
CASE 179: PRINT "When all else fails, read the instructions."
CASE 180: PRINT "Enough research will tend to support your theory."
CASE 181: PRINT "If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of."
CASE 182: PRINT "If enough data are collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods."
CASE 183: PRINT "If an experiment works, something has gone wrong."
CASE 184: PRINT "No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be someone eager to": PRINT "(a) misinterpret it": PRINT "(b) fake it, or": PRINT "(c) believe it happened to their own pet theory."
CASE 185: PRINT "In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,": PRINT "beyond all need of checking, is the mistake."
CASE 186: PRINT "Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse."
CASE 187: PRINT "To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start."
CASE 188: PRINT "Always keep a record of data -- it indicates you've been working."
CASE 189: PRINT "Always draw your curves, then plot your readings."
CASE 190: PRINT "In case of doubt, make it sound convincing."
CASE 191: PRINT "Experiments should be reproducible -- they should all fail in the same way."
CASE 192: PRINT "Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them."
CASE 193: PRINT "When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps": PRINT "if you know the answer."
CASE 194: PRINT "All great discoveries are made by mistake."
CASE 195: PRINT "Never replicate a successful experiment."
CASE 196: PRINT "No experiment is reproducible."
CASE 197: PRINT "No experiment is ever a complete failure -- it can always serve": PRINT "as a negative example."
CASE 198: PRINT "The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published."
CASE 199: PRINT "Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter."
CASE 200: PRINT "Only a fool can reproduce another fool's work."
CASE 201: PRINT "The most interesting results happen only once."
CASE 202: PRINT "Repetition does not establish validity."
CASE 203: PRINT "If it's green or wriggles, it's biology."
CASE 204: PRINT "If it stinks, it's chemistry."
CASE 205: PRINT "If it doesn't work, it's physics."
CASE 206: PRINT "If it's incomprehensible, it's mathematics."
CASE 207: PRINT "If it doesn't make sense, it's either economics or psychology."
CASE 208: PRINT "Asking scientists to revise their theory is like asking cops to revise the law."
CASE 209: PRINT "The advance of science can be measured by the rate at which exceptions": PRINT "to previously held laws accumulate."
CASE 210: PRINT "The shorter the life of the particle, the more it costs to produce."
CASE 211: PRINT "The basic building blocks of matter do not occur in nature."
CASE 212: PRINT "Don't believe the thirty-third order consequences of a first-order model.": PRINT "'Cum grano salis'"
CASE 213: PRINT "Don't extrapolate beyond the region of fit.": PRINT "Don't go off the deep end."
CASE 214: PRINT "Don't apply any model until you understand the simplifying assumptions": PRINT "on which it is based and can test their applicability.": PRINT "'Use only as directed.'"
CASE 215: PRINT "Don't believe that the model is the reality.": PRINT "'Don't eat the menu.'"
CASE 216: PRINT "Don't distort reality to fit the model.": PRINT "The 'Procrustes Method.'"
CASE 217: PRINT "Don't limit yourself to a single model.": PRINT "'Legalize polygamy.'"
CASE 218: PRINT "Don't retain a discredited model.": PRINT "'Don't beat a dead horse.'"
CASE 219: PRINT "Don't fall in love with your model.": PRINT "'Pygmalion.'"
CASE 220: PRINT "Don't apply the terminology of Subject A to the problems of Subject B": PRINT "if it is to the enrichment of neither.": PRINT "'New names for old.'"
CASE 221: PRINT "Don't expect that by having named a demon you have destroyed him.": PRINT "'Rumpelstiltskin.'"
CASE 222: PRINT "Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass."
CASE 223: PRINT "To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."
CASE 224: PRINT "History is the science of what never happens twice."
CASE 225: PRINT "If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing,": PRINT "ignore it.  The piece will make perfect sense without it."
CASE 226: PRINT "When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly."
CASE 227: PRINT "Teamwork is essential.  It allows you to blame someone else."
CASE 228: PRINT "Science is true.  Don't be mislead by facts."
CASE 229: PRINT "If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once."
CASE 230: PRINT "If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points."
CASE 231: PRINT "Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money."
CASE 232: PRINT "An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than": PRINT "a complex, incomprehensible truth."
CASE 233: PRINT "If a scientist uncovers a publishable fact, it will become": PRINT "central to his theory."
CASE 234: PRINT "There is no such thing as a straight line."
CASE 235: PRINT "In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the opposite end": PRINT "from which you begin checking."
CASE 236: PRINT "One man's error is another man's data."
CASE 237: PRINT "To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer."
CASE 238: PRINT "A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do."
CASE 239: PRINT "The most useless computer tasks are the most fun to do."
CASE 240: PRINT "When putting it into memory, remember where you put it."
CASE 241: PRINT "Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle."
CASE 242: PRINT "Any given program, when running, is obsolete."
CASE 243: PRINT "Any given program costs more and takes longer."
CASE 244: PRINT "If a program is useful, it will have to be changed."
CASE 245: PRINT "If a program is useless, it will have to be documented."
CASE 246: PRINT "Any given program will expand to fill all available memory."
CASE 247: PRINT "The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output."
CASE 248: PRINT "Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the": PRINT "programmer who must maintain it."
CASE 249: PRINT "Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable."
CASE 250: PRINT "Any system that depends on human reliability is unreliable."
CASE 251: PRINT "There's always one more bug."
CASE 252: PRINT "Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.": PRINT "Those who cannot teach, administrate."
CASE 253: PRINT "No one is listening until you make a mistake."
CASE 254: PRINT "There are no answers, only cross-references."
CASE 255: PRINT "When reviewing your notes for an exam, the most important ones": PRINT "will be illegible."
CASE 256: PRINT "The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as": PRINT "to which answer they want."
CASE 257: PRINT "Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except": PRINT "study for that instructor's course."
CASE 258: PRINT "In your toughest final, the most distractingly attractive student in class": PRINT "will sit next to you for the first time."
CASE 259: PRINT "You never catch on until after the test."
CASE 260: PRINT "The most valuable quotation will be the one for which": PRINT "you cannot determine the source."
CASE 261: PRINT "The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it."
CASE 262: PRINT "The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it later."
CASE 263: PRINT "There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do."
CASE 264: PRINT "Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday."
CASE 265: PRINT "Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups."
CASE 266: PRINT "Beware of a day in which you don't have something to bitch about."
CASE 267: PRINT "He who hesitates is probably right."
CASE 268: PRINT "Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes."
CASE 269: PRINT "When all else fails, try the boss' suggestion."
CASE 270: PRINT "If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both."
CASE 271: PRINT "The one who does the least work will get the most credit."
CASE 272: PRINT "The slower one works, the fewer mistakes one makes."
CASE 273: PRINT "Free time that unexpectedly becomes available will be wasted."
CASE 274: PRINT "It's worth scheming to be the bearer of good news."
CASE 275: PRINT "Do someone a favor and it becomes your job."
CASE 276: PRINT "It's difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys."
CASE 277: PRINT "If you're early, it will be canceled.": PRINT "If you knock yourself out to be on time, you'll have to wait.": PRINT "If you're late, you'll be too late."
CASE 278: PRINT "Good times end too quickly.  Bad times go on forever."
CASE 279: PRINT "Whatever happens, look as if it was intended."
CASE 280: PRINT "Bad habits ill cancel out good ones."
CASE 281: PRINT "The degree to which you overreact to information will be in inverse": PRINT "proportion to its accuracy."
CASE 282: PRINT "You remember to mail a letter only when you're nowhere near a mailbox."
CASE 283: PRINT "A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise": PRINT "the client to plant vines."
CASE 284: PRINT "You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever."
CASE 285: PRINT "The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount": PRINT "spent on the wedding."
CASE 286: PRINT "Never get excited about a blind date because of how she sounds over the phone."
CASE 287: PRINT "Never get excited about a person because of how she looks like from behind."
CASE 288: PRINT "All probabilities are 50 percent.  Either a thing will happen or it won't.": PRINT "This is especially true when dealing with women.": PRINT "Likelihoods, however, are 90 percent against you."
CASE 289: PRINT "The better the relationship starts out, the faster it fades."
CASE 290: PRINT "Virtue is its own punishment."
CASE 291: PRINT "The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut."
CASE 292: PRINT "When opportunity knocks, you've got headphones on."
CASE 293: PRINT "To err is human -- to blame it on someone else is even more human."
CASE 294: PRINT "Celibacy is not hereditary."
CASE 295: PRINT "Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows."
CASE 296: PRINT "Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself."
CASE 297: PRINT "Beauty times brains equals a constant."
CASE 298: PRINT "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."
CASE 299: PRINT "Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening."
CASE 300: PRINT "The total amount of evil in any system remains constant."
CASE 301: PRINT "Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink."
CASE 302: PRINT "To make an enemy, do someone a favor."
CASE 303: PRINT "Don't get mad -- get even."
CASE 304: PRINT "Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate."
CASE 305: PRINT "Hell is others."
CASE 306: PRINT "There are two things on earth that are universal:  hydrogen and stupidity."
CASE 307: PRINT "For every '10' there are ten '1's."
CASE 308: PRINT "There is nothing wrong with sex on the television,": PRINT "just as long as you don't fall off."
CASE 309: PRINT "Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles."
CASE 310: PRINT "Successful research attracts the bigger grant, which makes": PRINT "further research impossible."
CASE 311: PRINT "An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician."
CASE 312: PRINT "Never leave hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else."
CASE 313: PRINT "When it gets to be your turn, they change the rules."
CASE 314: PRINT "Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with."
CASE 315: PRINT "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up."
CASE 316: PRINT "The one who least wants to play is the one who will win."
CASE 317: PRINT "Nobody loves a winner who wins all the time."
CASE 318: PRINT "No matter where you go, there you are!"
CASE 319: PRINT "Nothing can be done in one trip."
CASE 320: PRINT "You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
CASE 321: PRINT "Insurance covers everything except what happens."
CASE 322: PRINT "The possibility of getting lost is directly proportional to the number of times": PRINT "the direction giver says, 'You can't miss it.'"
CASE 323: PRINT "The more food you prepare, the less your guests eat."
CASE 324: PRINT "Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough."
CASE 325: PRINT "Housework is what nobody notices unless it's not done."
CASE 326: PRINT "A lost tool will be found immediately upon purchasing a new one."
CASE 327: PRINT "When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal."
CASE 328: PRINT "Whenever you turn on the radio, you hear the last few notes": PRINT "of your favorite song."
CASE 329: PRINT "Never invest in anything that eats."
CASE 330: PRINT "People will buy anything that's one to a customer."
CASE 331: PRINT "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
CASE 332: PRINT "Most well-trodden paths lead nowhere."
CASE 333: PRINT "The wise are pleased when they discover truth,": PRINT "fools when they discover falsehood."
CASE 334: PRINT "The only people who find what they are looking for in life": PRINT "are the fault-finders."
CASE 335: PRINT "You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you don't burn": PRINT "your bridges until you come to them."
CASE 336: PRINT "What you resist, you become."
CASE 337: PRINT "Knowledge based on external advice is unreliable."
CASE 338: PRINT "Logic can never decide what is possible or impossible."
CASE 339: PRINT "Memory serves its own master."
CASE 340: PRINT "There is nothing more respectable than an ancient evil."
CASE 341: PRINT "The only real errors are human errors."
CASE 342: PRINT "There is no such thing as an instant experience."
CASE 343: PRINT "Believing is seeing."
CASE 344: PRINT "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward."
CASE 345: PRINT "All laws, whether good, bad, or indifferent, must be obeyed to the letter."
CASE 346: PRINT "All laws are simulations of reality."
CASE 347: PRINT "If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing."
CASE 348: PRINT "There are some things that are impossible to know -- but it is": PRINT "impossible to know these things."
CASE 349: PRINT "Disorder expands proportionately to the tolerance for it."
CASE 350: PRINT "The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race."
CASE 351: PRINT "Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time": PRINT "he will pick himself up and continue on."
CASE 352: PRINT "A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead."
CASE 353: PRINT "It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end."
CASE ELSE
    REM do nothing
END SELECT
END