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Dear Madam,
It has come to our attention that you have been consorting with a certain Mr. L. Oose. We obtained this information from our seed catalog agent, in Jabip, who has had dealings with Mr Oose before.
We strongly advise you against associating with this person, or, we may be forced to use the full force of our seed banks against you. Mr. Oose been fouling our seed genetics for some years now, and, by associating with him, you contribute to his heinous activities.
As you certainly know, Mr. Oose has been sending our product to women whose last names contain the letter, "L". He, by some hypnotic means, encourages them to masturbate, causing them to soak our product with their vaginal fluids, then, he places these seeds back in their original packages. When planted, these seeds sprout corn that resembles vaginas. Even our American President has complained to our Company about this.
Please note that the seeds from you, Ms. Bell, have additionally caused these deformed plants to sing Dixie.
We thank you, and expect your prompt attention, as a good American.....and, as we sincerely hope..a good piece of ass..that you shall aid us in bringing the evil Mr. Oose to justice.
Yours Truly,
AD Prived. US Senate
and President & CEO, Burpee Seed Company
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