A simple cognitive restructuring technique that I like to use involves creating some individualized coping thoughts to counter any unhelpful automatic thoughts. This technique comes from Aaron Beck, M.D. who developed a cognitive therapy for depression.
The first example uses the automatic thought of being "unlovable."
The second example shows how thoughts of loneliness are countered.
These cards are easy to carry in wallet or purse and can be periodically reviewed to reinforce new, more effective thinking.
For Example:
Automatic Thought 1:
I am completely unlovable.
On the reverse side of the card, write out the adaptive response that counters the negative automatic thought:
For example:
Adaptive Coping Response 1:
I will practice being my most attractive self
or:
I have many qualities that will attract a special person into my life. I just need to behave and act confidently.
or:
If I keep up current friendships and participate in social activities now and then, I can feel confident that I will likely attract a special person into my life.
I am alone now and I'm always going to be lonely.
Adaptive Coping Response 2:
Being lonely and being alone are not the same thing
or:
It can actually be easier and more comfortable to travel solo
and sometimes I prefer that to being among others
or:
I may feel lonely now and may want to have someone special in my life, but it certainly is not necessary to be deeply and intimately involved with another in order to have a fulfilling and happy life.
or:
Life can be more spontaneous when I'm not dependent upon another person's approval, wants, or needs, and I like that about my life.
