As I sit here on the bow of a weapon of war,following the
moon's fading trail into the coming sunrise, I have only
thoughts of peace. And with that peace there is little
tranquility, there is an almost overwhelming need to see home
... family ... and friends again. I have just been joined by
four other men whose thoughts are probably a mirror image of
my own. Thinking about everything and nothing at the same
time. Thoughts coming at random and then disappearing in the
same instant.

These are the sailors returning to families and friends
after almost a year's absence. Even though everyone is
anxious to return, many of us have and still are suffering
from loneliness, depression, frustrations, and for many of us
... fear. Fear of what we might or might not have when we
return home. For many of us, the major thing will be to get
reacquainted with our families. Many young children will not
immediately remember "Daddy", Mommy will be ever so warm at
first, but somehow that warmness is shadowed by a cool and
chilling veil. the love is still there, but it is clouded by
doubts and suspicions. Wondering if you've been true, and
what to do if you haven't. But on the same token, "Daddy"
will probably be feeling the same way.

Like myself, these men have spent the last nine months away
at sea, dreaming of their families, whether it be wives,
children or girlfriends, only to be slapped in the face. Many
will be facing divorce upon arrival. It makes for a sad
homecoming for a person, because one or both of the partners
in the marriage were not strong enough to set aside their
doubts about the other. There will be problems facing the
single man also. Like having your girlfriend meet you at the
pier, only to be told; "I've met someone new." Many, whether
married or single are left far beyond the state of being
bitter by these occurrences. They curse their loved ones,
each other, the government and even the country. Sometimes,
especially the country and her leaders.

It's hard to imagine the intense feelings of
helplessness experienced by these men. Men who only get word
from home through letters. Letters like, "Tommy broke his
arm", "the car doesn't run like it should", and "hurry home
dear, I miss you". To a man at home these are small, easily
dealt with problems. But to a man at sea, they can be a
catastrophe. Knowing what the problems are and being helpless
to do anything about it. There are also those who receive
telegrams or official messages, These are" bad news" ninety
nine percent of the time, usually dealing with a serious
illness or a death in the family. Things like this can almost
destroy a man at sea. Many try to hide their true feelings,
by publicly laughing it off, in an "I don't really care"
type of attitude. But one look into their eyes tells a
completely different story.

These are the men defending America, suffering personal loss
for the very things they hold dear : family, friends,and
freedom. The very ideals that we try to protect are the ones
we most often lose.

After working twelve hours a day, it's nice to see these
men able to unwind and relax, just let their thoughts drift
as free as the waves beneath our ship. Just staring at the
gentle rolling swells and feeling the the ship rock ever so
gently in her passage through the water. As the quarter moon
climbs higher in the sky, and the earliest rays of the dawn
show beyond the distant clouds, I see the men that have
joined me, the magic of the sea isn't biased. Here are men
that are white, black, red, and yellow; Commissioned officer
and enlisted, all watching the waves and clouds roll by. All
realizing that tomorrow could change everything, but for now,
each man is content to be alone within this group. Watching
as the sun rises with the promise of a new day, and one
day closer to home .....