jokes

Jokes in Judgment. II

�So how come everyone is changing?� Raissa asked, leaning her head against Sara�s door. Sara was on the floor placing her things in boxes�her books were the current project. Ryan was standing next to her bed shoving clothes in boxes silently, listening to the material scrape on the sides.
�I�m not sure hon,� she said, humming with a smile on her face. Raissa looked at the two of them grinning and took a deep breath.
�I�m happy for you two,� she said. �I�m glad SOMEONE�S love afraid worked out.�
�You know, Russ says HI,� Ryan said looking at her with concerned eyes. Raissa rolled her eyes and looked down.
�I�m glad he stayed East. We got the good ones back.� She said chuckling. Addison came behind her on cue and poked her side.
�Speak of the devil!� Sara laughed.
�Hey! Get out of my room, woman!� he pointed at her, smiling. Raissa looked up at him as he squeezed alongside her at the doorway.
�Well, if you need any help let me know,� she said walking through the hallway and out onto the patio. Addison followed and placed a cigarette in his lips along with her.
�How are you?� she asked him as he leaned against the wall.
�Eh�okay.� He said, sulking a bit.
�IS she still bothering you?� she asked.
�No. She�s disappeared entirely.� He said.
�She okay?�
�I think so. She�s relieved I think�.with me and the baby.� He sighed.
�Perhaps.� She said looking at his hair fall in his face. �I think you are better off.�
He nodded and looked out over the ashen sky.
�I think I�m going to start a new band,� he said. Raissa smiled at him.
�Good.�
He nodded and threw his cigarette down into the street below. He looked at her as if to say something and stepped inside silently.
Raissa finished smoking, went inside and snuck out after grabbing her bag, hearing the laughter of the boys in Sara�s room.
It was growing to be evening and Raissa sunk in her jacket and walked briskly to a club down the street, slipping in quietly among the work crew of the evening.
George looked up from stacking glasses and raises his eyebrows at her.
�Yo,� he said smiling. Raissa looked at him and half smiled, looking around for the other occupants.
�Yo,� she said. �Where is Sam?�
�In back somewhere, why?� he asked.
�We�re supposed to meet up and talk,� she said pushing her hair behind her ear. The empty booths caught her attention far more than the full ones.
�Are you going to finally start working here?� he asked excitedly. She nodded as Sam walked out and spotter her, calling her name with happiness.
�Hi,� she said turning toward him and following him into the back.
�So,� he said shuffling through paperwork.
�Hi.� She said smiling. He looked up at her and winked.
�4 nights a week, set Thursdays or Mondays, then Friday through Sunday.� He said. �Plus any special events.� She nodded as he pulled out papers and made her a stack.
�You�ll do the door, and count and pay the bands. Make sure they get what they need and such.� He said. �I have another guy to work the door, but I want you to do the count and band relations cos he�s fan boy.� Raissa laughed and nodded.
�I need you to sign here�and here�� as he pushed papers before her.
�I have to pay you more, since you deal with the count,� he laughed. �But you are worth it.�
�Well, thanks sir.� She said.
�I�ll run you through everything tonight,� he said. �Payday is every Thursday, show or no. I�m always here, as you can see.� She nodded. �I do booking Thursday�people sometimes leave packages�you can just slip them in my door.� He pointed at the mail slot.
�Awesome.�
�I�ll get you a key, cos the safe is in here�and you can keep your stuff in here.� She stuffed her band between a wall and a filing shelf and stuck her hands in her pockets.
�Ready?� he asked holding the door open. She walked through and neared the front table by the door.
The bands were beginning to arrive and Sam ran out to greet them, pointing to the loading zone.
�This is Raissa,� he said. �If you need anything, talk to her.� They all smiled at her and worked on unloading their van.
Sam handed her the drawer and a paper and pen, and she sat behind the front table.
�Make a sign�band names and price,� he said watching her organize. She made and set the information placard.
�And this is Bryan,� Sam said as Bryan walked in and sat next to her.
�Hi, yeah�I know you.� He said smiling. She waved at him and looked at Sam as he explained her presence. He sat down and they watched the bands unload as they came in and out of the door. As a few people came through the door Bryan hopped on them and left Raissa to watch. Eventually the band called her outside to chat about the scene and smoke as the crowd began. She told them about George and their drink tickets and set times.
She soon returned alongside Bryan and was amazed at the stack of money. She sorted through and sanctioned the band�s dues as she could, and watched the crowd grow.
Audra walked inside and stopped, double looking Raissa.
�Hi,� Raissa said, smiling in a fit of shock.
�Hi,� she said, slightly down but trying to stand up straight and strong.
�How are you?� she asked as Audra stood along the side of the table as Raissa made her change.
�I�m good,� Audra said, smiling. Raissa was taken aback and how much she wanted to reach out to someone she never liked to begin with.
�How is Addison?� she asked. Raissa thought for a moment, unsure of the answer she should share.
�He�s good,� she said. Audra nodded and excused herself from the table. Raissa watched her, wondering exactly what she was thinking.
�I don�t care,� escaped her lips without notice and Bryan looked at her.
�Hmm?� he asked. Raissa shook her head and smiled, watching the crowd.

Raissa�s walk home was dark and cold. She was full of yawns and almost screamed when George snuck up behind her on the empty streets.
�Hi sir,� she said rubbing her eyes under her glasses.
�Hi miss,� he said. He offered her his arm over the slippery streets and she linked to it. When they got to her door he smiled at her and looked at her mouth. He moved in to kiss her and she tunred unwittingly, and started toward the door.
�Goodnight George,� she said unaware of his attempt. He shoved his hands in his pockets and said �goodnight� with an added �hmph� at the end.
She stumbled into her room and crashed, slipping her pants off quickly, as she fell onto her bed.

*****

�Good morn�eh�afternoon,� Addison said knocking on Raissa�s door, peeking his head in. Her blankets were barely covering her bottomless body as she pulled the covers and pillows over her face.
�Did you drink?� he asked her, entering her room to look at her closer.
�No,� she moaned. �I worked.�
�You got that job?!� he asked excitedly. She looked at him with one eye as he sat on her bed. She nodded, closing her eyes tight and stretching a little. Her thigh was exposed and Addison nervously moved so he couldn�t see it.
�I saw Audra,� she said facing the wall.
�YEAH?� he asked hurried. �With her new beau?�
�Nah. Alone. But yeah�she asked about you.� She grumbled.
�What did you say?� he asked anxiously. Raissa was quiet, sleeping again. He shook her under her covers and asked again. Raissa sighed.
�Nothing. That you were good. That�s all.� He nodded and laid down next to her.
�I am good.� He said. She rolled over and looked at him strangely.
�You are in my bed,� she said looking at him. He laughed.

Raissa got up at 2 and made coffee and chewed on toast.
�Are you sure you�re not hung over?� Addison asked. She nodded, looking around at the emptiness.
�They left this morning,� he said. �I got all my stuff in last night.�
�I thought you were here kinda early,� she snickered.
�It�s late, darlin. Late.� He said. She shrugged and pulled her cigarettes out of her jacket pocket and lit up.
�Inside?� he asked.
�I smoke. You smoke. Sara is gone,� she said dryly, the white stick bouncing in her mouth as she spoke. He nodded and smiled at her.
�You are so different,� he said. She looked at him with question.
�Well, from when I first met you,� he said, fearing a trap.
�Not really.� She said. He nodded nervously.
�Yeah, I guess not.�
She squinted at him and smiled as he snuck into his room.
****

�Where are you going?� Raissa asked, watching Addison pick his keys up off the table.
�I�m having lunch with Audra,� He said uneasily.
�Not to get back together!?� she gasped.
�No. Just to talk. I�d still like to be her friend,� he said. Raissa nodded and looked at him thoughtfully.
�Just don�t go back.� She said. She crossed the room and took his hand as she said it. He kissed her cheek.
�I won�t,� he said. Raissa looked at him with wide eyes and bit her lip. He turned to go and she watched him walk out.

After a shower and getting dressed it was nearly 5.
�Come get food with me,� George said, knocking on her door.
�Hi,� she said surprised, holding the door open for him to walk in.
�So...will you?� he asked. She smiled at him and nodded.
�Sure,� she smiled. George sat on the couch and faced her. She stretched out and smiled at him. He moved closer to her and pressed against her arm.
�Raissa?� he asked.
�Hmm?�
�Can I kiss you?� he asked. She laughed with embarrassment and nodded.
�If you want to,� she said. He took her face in his hands and kissed her slowly. He crawled over her on the couch and pressed against her as he kissed her more, harder and faster.

George and Raissa ended up at a Thai place, eating vegetables and rice with a few beers to wash it down. When they were done they quickly arrived at the club for the big Friday night show. Both took their places, hardly looking at each other, but when they did, grinning.
In fact, George�s lack of attention on Raissa made her bite her lip silently in the corner, and watch him as he busily created drinks for the dozens of smiling girls and gathered tips. Raissa tried to compete, laughing with the band outside, casually flirting and touching their arms. She kept one eye inside on George and noted her ineffectiveness.
�It was just dinner,� she told herself. �And just a kiss. Making out like high school. On one day, and off the next.� She argued with herself and tried to stop watching. �I�m not in love with him�I don�t even want to date him!� she laughed.
Bryan watched her quietly move her lips and laughed.
�Do you always talk to yourself?� he asked. She was taken aback by the sudden conversational duality and snapped out of her head and stare immediately.
�What?� she asked, offended he would even dream of speaking to her. He retracted at her response and shook his head.
�Nothin.�

*****

�I thought I�d be seeing more of you, not less,� Addison said, smiling at Raissa sitting on the couch, smoking perfectly calm.
�Yeah, well.� She smiled. He sat down next to her and slumped.
�She�s not talking to me at all anymore.�
�What?� Raissa exclaimed. �A week or two ago you were lunch buddies! Now nothing?�
�Nope.� He said with a heavy sigh.
�Ah well, for the best I�d say.� She said, half-paying attention. He stared at her silently.
�Are you okay?� he asked. �Tired?�
�Yes,� she said. �Just tired. Sorry.� He nodded and watched her blatantly not look at him.
�Sure?�
�Mmmmmhmm.� She said, forcing a smile.
�So what are you doing tonight?� he asked.
�I�m not sure�you?� she asked, looking at him briefly. His hair was flat and falling in his eyes, and his pants were obviously in their sixth or seventh day of wear.
�I was hoping to spend some time with you,� he said. She smiled.
�Sure.� She said, curling up on the couch, leaning toward him.
�You aren�t going out with George tonight?� he asked. She shook her head.
�Certainly not,� she said. �I see him at work. That�s enough!�
�But he was here last weekend�Saturday night.� He said. �You didn�t tell me you were dating.�
�We�re not.� She said. �That�s why.� He nodded, his lips pursed, and looked at her with concern.
�So�if you aren�t dating, and you only want to see him at work, why was he here?�
�Hmm,� she said. �It just happened.� Addison put his hand on her knee.
�Just be careful hon,� he said. Raissa nodded and shrugged off the warning.
�Where are we going?� she asked.
�I dunno. What�s the hot spot for a Tuesday night?� he asked. Raissa laughed.
�Here. Eating Chinese, getting drunk!�
�Sounds like your routine Rais�every night.�
�Yeah well. Whatever makes me happy,� she said with a mean and icy glance.
�Happy?� he laughed, scoffing. �That is what you call it?� She looked at him rudely and opened her mouth to retort, but swallowed her words. She took a deep breath.
�I do have plans tonight.� She said, standing up. She walked into her room and closed the door, leaving Addison alone on the couch, trying to figure her out.

Addison knocked on Raissa�s door a couple hours later and she reluctantly opened. He was holding two boxes of Chinese Takeout and extended them as a peace offering.
�Come watch the video I rented.� He said. She smiled as she took a box, and he took her hand and lead her to the couch.
Raissa plopped on the couch and pulled her cigarette box off the coffee table.
�No�don�t. Just eat.� He said. �You never eat anymore. You look thin.� Raissa shrugged and brought her box up close to her face and sniffed.
�This smells really�nice.� She said. �Thank you.� He nodded between mouthfuls and pressed play on the remote as the movie started.
They watched silently, entangled a bit, both napping throughout. Addison watched the blue light from the TV reflect on her pale skin and moved her hair back from her face, unable to move with her asleep in his lap. He smiled at her and she opened her eyes slowly, as he put his hand down and away from her face quickly. She looked right at him, wide-eyed and calm and silence made his mouth move, but no sound came out. He put his hand on her face again and ran it along her cheek sweetly as he bent down to kiss her, suddenly turning toward her forehead when he saw the shock on her face. She sat up quickly and sprung from the couch, disappearing in the darkness by slipping outside. There was a single red light indicating where she was as she smoked furiously, hanging over the ledge.
Addison stepped outside, blocking the door and leaned against the wall.
�Raissa,� he said, voice broken and quivering. She turned to him quickly and raised her eyebrows, not saying anything. �Honey�I�ve been thinking about you a lot.� She looked past him�never directly at him.
�I was thinking how we�ve always supported each other with lost relationships, but never tried one of our own!� He spoke the last few words quickly, anxious to spit them out.
She looked at him with alarm, her cigarette hanging from her lip, jaw open.
�But...� she said, all the air escaping from her lungs.
�But�hear me out,� he said. �I�ve always had a crush on you�and now I realize why I saved you all these years.�
She flicked her cigarette to the ground below and laughed a little, looking at him angrily. He stepped back and swallowed hard.
�Addison��she said, still laughing deep from the inside. �I�m not going to be your rebound. I�m not going to start something stupid with my best friend�and roommate! Imagine how horrible it will get!� She was talking with her hands, and every time she brought them in the air near him he flinched.
�But imagine how good it could be, too!� he said meekly. �What fun we could have. How much I love you already. We�re one step ahead of everyone already!�
She shook her head confused, but planned for counter attack.
�No.� she said cleanly and clearly.
�No?� he said, shocked. �What happened to you? You used to try everything! I used to think you loved me, and now you just throw me away!?�
�I do not,� she said, �because I don�t want to ruin things.�
�You already are!� he shouted with a slight whine.
�Addison,� she said. �You want me to kiss you? Make love to you? Fall in love with you? Be here when you find someone new so you can torture me?� She was getting louder, and beginning to shake in the cold.
She pushed by him and went inside, leaving him in the corner. She turned around quickly and pushed against him grabbed his face and kissed him deeply.
�I�m sorry Addison,� she said running her hand down his face. �I don�t deserve you right now.� He looked at her with concern and nodded. She took his hand and lead him to her room and pulled him onto the bed, laying her head on his chest and keeping quiet in the dark.
�I just can�t love you now. It�s too late.�

****

�I shouldn�t have to remind you of this again,� Sam said, taking Raissa by her wrist into the back room of the club. She giggled at him, and tripped over her feet a bit.
�I will let you go if I see you drunk again,� he said sternly. She looked at him and smiled, nodding with complete unawareness of the severity of the reprimand.
�Raissa. I will fire you if you get drunk on your shift again.� He said. �You need to know your limit.�
She nodded and stood up.
�Now go home,� he said. She nodded, laughing, and stumbled into the next room and eventually out the door. George ran out after her and stopped her in the middle of the wet street. It was sprinkling on them.
�Raissa�honey�� he said. She turned around and looked at him, throwing her arms around him and hanging from his shoulders.
�Hi!� she gurgled, and smiled at him, licking his bottom lip.
�Honey�you aren�t okay to walk home.� He said. �Come back inside and lemme call Addison.�
�Call me!� she said, laughing. �Or I can call you!� She slid her hand down against his crotch and touching him quickly. �Ring ring�anyone there?�
He dragged her against the building and asked her kindly to stay put as he ran inside to use the phone. When he came back out, she was down the street a bit, and he shrugged watching her stumble, and went back inside.

Addison came down the other end of the street and crossed quickly to catch Raissa before she fell and hurt herself.
�Ooohh�hi.� She said cooing at his touch. �Are you coming home with me?�
�Raissa�.why are you so messed up?� he asked, putting his arm around her waist, helping her walk.
�Raissa�why are you so messed up?� she repeated. �Hi.�
Addison walked silently and helped her back to the apartment and inside the house, locking the doors. Raissa fell onto the couch and looked like death with her eyes open wide, staring straight. He sat on the floor next to her and listened to her mumble. He kissed her forehead sweetly and she closed her eyes. He leaned his head against his arms and knees and rested his eyes.
�Addison..� she said after awhile. He opened his sleepy eyes and looked at her. She reached out for him and kissed his forehead.
�Your kisses make my head shake.� She said. He smiled at her and blushed.
�Raissa. Do you know how beautiful you are?� he said. She shook her head and put her hand over his mouth.
�Addison�you are the beautiful one. I only reflect off of you.�
And with the final words, she fell asleep on the couch and her arm dropped to the floor.
****

�How much is it?� an attractive twenty something guy asked as he approached Raissa sitting at her post. She pointed to the sign in an annoyed sense, but immediately pleaded apologies when he smiled at her realizing his lack of awareness. She smiled at him and he looked at her with wide-open eyes. Before he could say anything, she slipped outside and started laughing with the band, taking a drink out of a flask she had in her back pocket. The guy nodded his head slightly and continued inside. He turned immediately and faced Bryan, and looked at him with innocence and wholeheartedness.
�Excuse me..� he said. Bryan looked up at him excitedly, dying for conversation.
�Yeah? What can I do for you?� he said.
�Could you tell me the name of the girl that just took my money?� he asked.
�Did she overcharge you?� Bryan asked.
�No�no� the guy said, shifting his weight. �I just wanted to know her name�so I could talk to her sometime.�
�Oh�� he laughed. �You want to talk to her?�
�Is that such a bad thing? You aren�t her boyfriend, are you?� he said.
�No...� Bryan laughed. �She�d kick my ask if I ever tried.� The guy looked at Bryan strangely, and looked at him seriously.
�Okay�well, can you tell me?�
�Her name is Raissa.� Bryan said.
�What? Raissa?� the guy said. Bryan laughed.
�What the hell!� he said, �I�ve never heard that before.�
�And you�ve certainly never seen anyone like her, I can guarantee.� Bryan said.
�Well, thanks man. What�s your name?� the guy asked.
�Bryan. Yeah...anytime. You are?� Bryan asked.
�Luke. My name is Luke. Thanks.� Luke said, walking into the crowd gathering inside.

As the night drew to a close Raissa did her band relative duties and seemed to be having a good time. Addison showed up half way through, and Raissa snuck him through the door, daring Bryan to mention it or give her any trouble. As soon as she finished paying the bands and orchestrating everything she met up with Addison in front of the club, and found Luke standing next to him.
�Rais! C�mon already,� Addison said. Luke looked at her, and then at Addison.
�Hold on Addison�I�m almost ready, okay? 10 more minutes.� She said disappearing behind the door again. Addison put his hands in his pocket and sighed.
�You know her?� Luke asked.
�Yeah�do you?� Addison asked Luke.
�No�but I was planning on meeting her,� he laughed.
�Aw man! That pretty funny,� Addison said. �She�s my roommate!�
�Really?� Luke said.
�Yeah bro�.we�ve been friends since high school.� Addison laughed.
�Aw! Is she the girl that kicked the shit out of Russ?� he asked excitedly.
�Yes!� Addison said, his arms flying in the air and landing on Luke�s shoulder.
�No way!� Luke said. �I can�t believe it.�
�Totally strange, huh?� Addison said.
�Kind of scary, really. Now I�m a bit afraid of her.� Luke said. �Prior to this I had every intention of asking her out.�
�Oh.� Addison said looking at Luke. Luke looked at him seriously, and got uncomfortable.
�You and her�aren�t�.?� he mumbled as she walked up, and squeezed between the two of them. Addison looked at her and smiled quickly, ignoring Luke�s question, and he watched them closely.
�Who�s your friend?� she asked, smiling at Luke.
�This is Luke. He just moved from where we used to live back east.� Addison said.
�Oh! Fantastic! Another asshole boy from the east!� she exclaimed, throwing her hands to her head. Luke�s jaw dropped and he shrunk down.
�I�m kidding hon, really.� She said, putting her hand on his shoulder. �I�m Raissa. Nice to meet you Luke.� She kissed his cheek and began quickly down the street, making the boys catch up with her. Addison grumbled at her, and followed as Luke chuckled to himself as he watched her skip through puddles into the darkness.

�How much have you had to drink tonight?� Addison said. Raissa looked at him and put her hands up to count, then rubbed her face with her hands, and laughed.
�I honestly don�t know! I was doing shots with George before I left.�
�That�s good�.better than during your shift.� Addison said.
�That Addison�he�s like a daddy.� She said, pulling Luke near her mouth so she could talk in his ear. Luke laughed at her and smiled.
�She�s not usually this much of a mess. In fact, it�s a pretty recent habit of hers.� Addison said.
�She�s comical.� Luke said watching her roll on the floor in her sleep pants, spilling drops of liquid onto her shirt.
�Oh damn.� She�d say every time it happened, and she�d grasp the glass with both hands and sip it like an infant.
After awhile, Raissa fell asleep on the floor, her head propped by a pillow against the couch that Luke was sitting on. Addison and Luke talked for a couple hours and consistently glanced at Raissa to ensure she was breathing.
�She�s pretty cool,� Luke said. �I see why Russ had so much trouble with her.�
�Yeah. She�s�interesting.� Addison said.
�Would you mind�if I asked her out sometime?� Luke asked. �Assuming you two aren�t together��
�Yeah�um. She makes it hard�I thought we were going to be together, but no�� he said.
�I�m sorry Addison. If it�s strange, I won�t do it.� Luke said, his hands in his faded blue jean pockets.
�No�it�s cool. I can�t have her. It�s for the best,� he said. �But if I were you, I�d pretend I didn�t know Russ.� Both of them laughed and Addison showed Luke the poster of the band with a post-it note over Russ� face, providing a convenient way to X him out. Luke laughed so hard Raissa began to wake up, stretching across the floor.
�Well, I�m tired kids�� Addison said. Raissa sat up and rubbed her eyes, looking at him with a blurry way about her.
�Goodnight,� She yawned. Addison waved, and Luke sat down looking at Raissa.
�Good morning,� he said. She laughed, and blushed a little.
�I didn�t like�puke everywhere or anything, did I?� she asked. He shook his head and smiled.
�Not at all. You were a lady.� He said. She laughed again and yawned in his direction.
�Throw me that box of cigarettes,� she said. He complied, and she lit up, offering him one. He shook his head and pulled out his own pack, and they started one of many cigarettes of the night.

�I totally need to sleep now,� he said. �You tired me out completely.� She laughed and watched as the sun tried to sneak through the patio door curtain.
�Me too,� she laughed.
�It was really great meeting you,� he said. �Maybe we can go out sometime?�
�Yeah, sure.� She said. He nodded and ran his hand through his perfect messy hair and smiled.
�Good.� He said. �Have a good sleep.�
�You too,� she said from the floor. He opened the door and waved.
�Bye!� she said. He replied, and he was gone.
*****

�Well, if it isn�t Luke,� Raissa said, looking up at him as he walked into the club and stopped at the table. Bryan looked at him, and at her, and laughed.
�Yes ma�am. Hello.� He said. Raissa flashed a smile at him, and he let his hands dive inside his pockets and he arched his back, making his hairy belly stick out of his pants a bit. Raissa blushed a bit while she looked, and she suddenly grabbed his arm, and lead him outside.
�So hows it goin?� she asked playfully, bringing a cigarette to her lips. He smiled at her as one of the band members walked by and patted her head.
�I�m good,� he laughed. �You?�
�Excellent. We�ve got some nice boys to play us some music tonight.� She said, winking at the boys at the van.
�Great.� Luke said.
�Is Addison coming?�
�Not that I know of.� Luke said. Raissa nodded and looked Luke over. She bit her lip as he talked about his day.
�Hey,� she said. �Thanks for leaving your extra food in my fridge the other day!� She poked his belly as she talked and he smiled at how close she was. When she stepped back her hair flipped near his face and he could smell it strongly.
�Anytime.� He said. �I knew it was your favorite�.and Addison and I didn�t want to wake you up.�
�Aww.� She said, pinching his cheek. �Aren�t you a darling!� He nodded and looked at his feet.
�I try.�

They went inside and watched the rock show, and had a couple drinks. Luke watched her with wide eyes and smiled at every step she took. Raissa smiled back nervously.
Raissa snuck into the back room to mess with money, and sat at the desk shaking.
�What the hell is wrong with you!?� she asked herself. �It�s a boy. He�s going to be dumb like the rest. He doesn�t want you�.and even if he does, he wont be around tomorrow! No one wants you around. You aren�t worth the time. The investment. You know that.� She shook her head and seemed a bit off balance when she stood up. She clenched her jaw and walked through the crowd with an attitude, though her eyes welled up a bit.

When the show was over Luke was waiting outside for Raissa to ensure she got home safe. She smelled like vodka when she came out, and smiled at him, quickly straightening her mouth.
�Hi.� He said coyly.
�Hi.� She grumbled.
�Are you okay?� he asked. She nodded and walked quickly. He pulled his hands out of his pocket to catch up with her brisk speed.
�Of course.� She said.
They walked silently in the sprinkles and across the glistening streets until they reached her door.
�Hey. Goodnight. Thanks for walking me home.� Raissa said.
�Are you sure you are okay? I can come up�and we can talk?� he said putting his hand on her shoulder. She pulled away nervously and stared at his jacket hood bend from the front, back.
�No. I�m just going to go to bed. Be safe.� She said, slipping inside the door leaving Luke standing and facing where she had just been, his hands in his pocket, his mouth half way open just about to speak.
Raissa began to cry half way up to her floor, and wiped her face with her damp, limp sleeves before she went inside. She stood outside the front door and took a deep breath, turning her sadness into anger, and slammed inside to find it empty. She let her posture slip, and she walked like a gorilla to her room where she threw her things on the floor and buried her head in her pillows, her tears mixing with the wetness of her hair.

*******

�So�Luke said you were acting funny the last time he saw you.� Addison said, interrupting Raissa�s silent smoking on the couch, watching TV without sound. �When was that anyway?�
She looked up at him with pursed lips, and brought her cigarette to them sourly, and returned her glance to the TV.
�Monday. Tuesday. Around then.� She said. He nodded at her and sighed.
�What are you sighing about?� she asked.
�Well. I thought you liked him...and you haven�t even seen him for almost a week.�
�It�s been 4 days. He�ll probably be at the club tonight.� She said.
�HA! But you didn�t deny liking him!� Addison said, snapping his fingers at her.
�Of course I like him. But that doesn�t matter. He�s a boy. He just wants to tear me to pieces.�
�Raissa. I wish you could see how stupid you are acting.� He said. Raissa looked at him and widened her eyes.
�Addison. Why don�t you show me, since you seem to know everything?� she hollered. Addison stepped back, and closed his mouth as she walked past him hastily, then slamming her door.

�What is wrong with me?� she asked Luke later, when he came to the door. They sat outside on the curb smoking, watching traffic slosh through the wet streets.
�Wrong with you? Nothing.� He said. She shook her head, and looked at him.
�You told Addison something was wrong with me.�
�No. I meant that I thought something was wrong was all. I was concerned.� He said.
�Ah.� She said.
�Why do you have to act all�bad ass about everything?� he asked.
�Better than getting my heart broken.� She said.
�By who?� he asked.
�Anyone.� She said. Luke looked down and away, then back at her.
�Raissa. I really want to kiss you.� He said. �I wanted to, anyway.�
Raissa looked at him with a hollow and burning stomach. He stood up, brushed off the ass of his jeans, and extended her a hand to get up. She refused at first, then took it, and faced him.
�I�m going home�Where I don�t get the cold shoulder every fucking minute.� He said. �I�m sorry I tried.�
Raissa dropped her cigarette from her mouth and watched him walk away quickly.
�Go after him� she told herself. �It�s like a movie. You are supposed to prove him wrong.� She stood still, rocking a little on her feet, and never blinked until he was totally out of her sight.
�You can�t.� she said, falling to the sidewalk and putting her head between her knees. She was coughing. �You can�t prove him wrong.�

by jen hagen.

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