| Jokes and Embarrassing Stories |
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| Funny Jokes and Stories for Teens (Some are Embarrassing) Funny Stories: -A Cat's Diary Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture. I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another. -Acceptable Excuse The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family. A dumb student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. "Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand." - A stoner stumbles out of a party... A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. On the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!" -String in the Pants = Clean Hands A man went to a cafe and ordered some soup. Half way through, he dropped his spoon .When the waiter came around to see if everything was ok, the man told him he needed a new spoon. So the waiter pulled one out if his pouch. The man asked, "I was just wondering, why do you keep spoons in your pouch?" The waiter answered, "To save time." So the man went on eating his soup. After about 15 minutes, the waiter came by to see if everything was ok. The man said everything was delicious. He noticed that a string was hanging out of the waiters pants, so he asked, "I was just wondering, why do you have a string hanging out of your zipper?" The waiter answered, "It saves time so that we don't have to wash our hands." Then the man asked, "But don't you have to touch the doorknob to the bathroom?" The waiter said, "I dont know about the other guys, but I just use the spoon ." Embarrassing Stories: ***IF YOU WANT TO BE EMAILED WHEN I UPDATE THE JOKES AND STORIES SECTION, EMAIL ME WITH YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AND THE WORD UPDATE AS SUBJECT*** |
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