From mad14@cc.keele.ac.uk Mon Sep 21 15:40:24 1998 X-From-Line: mad14@cc.keele.ac.uk Tue Feb 3 10:00 GMT 1998 Return-Path: Received: from afs3.kis.keele.ac.uk (daemon@afs3.kis.keele.ac.uk [160.5.45.3] (may be forged)) by ma.man.ac.uk (8.8.8/8.8.8) with SMTP id KAA15446 for ; Tue, 3 Feb 1998 10:00:50 GMT Received: from potter.cc.keele.ac.uk [160.5.19.3] by afs3.kis.keele.ac.uk with esmtp (Exim 1.70 #1) id 0xzf9h-0005cD-00; Tue, 3 Feb 1998 10:00:37 +0000 From: "G.W. Owen" Message-Id: <6124.199802031000@potter.cc.keele.ac.uk> Subject: Roe Harps - Update To: mad03@afs3.kis.keele.ac.uk (J. Barker), mad15@afs3.kis.keele.ac.uk (S. Houten), mad14@afs3.kis.keele.ac.uk (G.W. Owen) Date: Tue, 3 Feb 1998 10:00:34 +0000 (GMT) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL23] MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Length: 2461 Status: RO Lines: 53 Xref: misty other:1203 HARPS STILL IN TURMOIL by Our Football Correspondent, E.I.Addio. Although an end to the recent boardroom turmoil at troubled Roe Harps seems to be forthcoming, doubts still remain about their recent run of poor form. The present on field problems started with the shock sudden departure of midfield playmaker Adrian Hines. Aging Hines, whose career was not expected to last beyond the end of the season, had suffered a loss of confidence after skying the ball miles over an open goal at a critical moment during what became a seven goal drubbing. Sources close to the club described the miss as "the sort of thing Ronnie Rosenthal and Peter van Vossen can only dream about." Hines dramatically quit the club shortly after to fulfill a childhood dream of being a weatherman. It is thought he left the club under a cloud. On the plus side is the recent play of Rick Patterson, replacement in goal for troubled George Kainyek, whose fitness and form have improved markedly under the supervision of his personal trainer and dietician, Gilbert "Duke" MacKenzie. More trouble seems to be ahead, however as star striker James "Hit The Bugger" Barker, whose late hattrick secured a face saving point against a team who have been described as "a bunch of women", has made what are generally considered to be excessive wage demands in asking to borrow 50 pence for a can of Lucozade. Stewart Houten, midfield, is again in the public eye due to recent on pitch flare ups, put down to his "fiery celtic temperament" and rumours persist that he is being pursued by the Welsh mafia over unpaid gambling debts. Another recent signing, the popular 50s crooner Jim Reeves, has also been dropped after the presentation of a note from his mother explaining that he had a cold and asking to be excused P.E. It is though that Christian Gross will this week offer 4 million pounds for him in order to bolster Spurs' struggling central defence. The club is however, maintaining a strict "no comment" policy with the press. Comment was forthcoming from I.D.Abrahams, who until recently trained with the club. "I have felt for some time that they were losing their shape," said the balding goal hanger, "and to be honest, I felt they were lucky not to have conceded more penalties." Abrahams recently signed a lucrative product endorsement deal, meaning he is now selling crisps at the University of Manchester. David Mellor was unavailable for comment. -- Gareth Owen