| Dr. Ew's Not-So-Easy Way to Overthrow the Government | ||||||||
| WARNING- What you are about to read may scare, disturb, or possibly threaten you. I can't control your reaction. If you feel threatened by the thought of a revolution, go somewhere else. If you are working for the government at this time, I thank you for being open-minded enough not to immediately close the browser window, but I will ask that you leave this page immediately. Enjoy! | ||||||||
| Alright kiddies! Now we all know thet the United States of America has its fair share of problems right now, and the best thing we have right now to fight those problems is a big fat-ass named Michael Moore, and all he does is complain and wear that stupid Michigan State hat. I seriously thought he was going to wear that hat to the Cannes Film Festival. Anyway, complaining will not do anything to help us out. That's why the best way to change the country is by overthrowing the government. Now overthrowing a government is not an easy taask. A future dictator needs support both politically and financially. Getting both kinds of support can easily be done by doing one thing. All you need to do to start the revolution is perform a hostile takeover (For those of you who do not know the definition, it's when you have 51% of the stock in a company.) of Viacom. Now Viacom has a very good portion (almost all) of the television media in the United States, including television networks such as Comedy Central, VH1, Nickelodeon, and MTV, all of which are very influential to today's viewing audience. If you perform a hosstile takeover of Viacom, you pretty much control all of the television in the United States, as well as earaning a lot of money. What you do next is buy out Time Warner to get nearly the rest of the Television networks. Once that is done, you can influence pretty much the entire viewing audience, and you'll have enough money to have a bigger influence on the government than the tobacco industry. Next, you run for Vice-President. Hell, Nelson Rockafeller and Dick Cheny were able to become Vice President, and all they did was run companies, so why can't any other business executive? Anyway, after serving as V.P. for eight (8) years, you run for President. Since you own every television network in the nation, you can run only your ads during the peak viewing hours, and the opponent's during late night hours. The governmnt only says you have to give equal time with ads. You eventually win because nobody is up to see any ads for your opponent. Once you are innagurated, you take advantage of the executive order, eliminating all competition. That secures your position as dictator of the United States. Any questions? |
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