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January
2004
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1/31/04 "The lamp of the body is the eye. Therefore, when your eye is good, your whole body also is full of light. But when your eye is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Therefore take heed that the light that is in you is not darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, the whole body will be full of light, as when the bright shining of a lamp gives you light." (Luke 11:34-36) Here is my word for the day. Here is my exhortation from the Lord. Here is the question: Is your eye good? Is there a single focus on Jesus or is there junk in the way. If the eye isn't single, that is clear in focus and purpose, fixed on Jesus, then His light can't flood the soul and there won't be clarity for direction and joy and peace. While I am convicted by this passage, I also feel great joy and encouragement. This is a huge truth! Jesus is saying that if we are focused on Him and remove the junk that's hindering our focus, then we will be full of His light. That means being full of purpose, joy, peace, and love. It also means being able to shine forth to reach others and glorify God. Father, my simple prayer this morning is that you would make this truth become a reality in my life. Give me the strength to throw off all the sin and the weights that keep me from running a strong race. Fill me with your spirit. Help me to look unto Jesus. I want the joy, peace, and purpose you have for me. Amen. 1/29/04 Yesterday I wrote about being stuck between Calvinism and Arminianism. One of the blessings of being here in Russia is that I've had so much time to read the Bible and study it. CC is a Bible teaching, believing, and practicing church so it's only natural that I would grow in my study of it. But, as this journal shows, the more I have dipped into study, the more confused I become. The more I have studied and read commentaries, the more I have been confused. I see how people's viewpoints determine their interpretation of Scripture. Or you could say that some people's interpretations of the Scriptures have affected their later interpretations of Scripture. In other words, if you read the Bible and share Calvin's view of predestination, eternal security, etc., then you will read the Bible from that point on with the glasses of predestination, eternal security, etc. The same goes for any other view. I also think that sometimes, people read and comment on the word too easily, without really studying the context, history, grammar, and etc. of the passage. Then I think there are others, like Adam Clarke could sometimes be, that get so into study that they make you have to rake through a bunch of junk to get the jewel. I think Spurgeon said something similar in his "Commenting on Commentaries." Anyway, my question is this: what do I, the simple layman, do with the Bible? What do I do when these big wigs disagree with one another? I try to read the Word with an open mind and seek to understand, but when there is a difficult text whom do I go to? Certainly, I pray to God and ask for understanding. It just boggles my mind though how many people are taking different views of the same Scripture when they have all supposedly received understanding of it from God. Does God really tell one person that a verse means A while he tells the other person that the exact same verse means Z? Maybe, but my mind doesn't accept it. I say all of this to speak briefly about the two verses I read this morning: Luke 11:27-28. The phrase that stands out is: "happy are they that hear the Word of God and keep it." So, I believe that my encouragement from the Lord today is simply to hear the Word and then obey what I hear. The one dilemma is that I feel utterly powerless to keep it. So what do I do? Philippians 4:13 comes to mind. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." So this morning, I will come to Christ Jesus my Lord. I will come to the Father and beg for His Holy Spirit to give me the strength, through Christ, to do what I otherwise could not. I don't expect a feeling to come over me when I ask, but I expect the strength to come. God is true to His Word. Blessed be His holy Name forever and ever. Amen. 1/28/04 I spent a good hour yesterday studying Luke 11:14-26. I decided to read it a few times first and see what I could understand. This passage has always been a little hard for me to understand; at least the part having to do with verses 21-26. I have always glossed over 21-26 and have never really stopped to think about it. I had the thought yesterday that verses 21-23 were talking about Jesus overthrowing the "house" of Satan. That is, Jesus, the One mightier and stronger than the "strong man", has come onto the scene and is defeating Satan as well as taking his "armor" and dividing his "spoils." This was the first time I saw it. The commentators I read all seemed to take the same view. I praised the Lord for answering my prayer to understand it. Verses 24-26 are a bit trickier. What do they mean exactly? Are they referring to an evil spirit cast out of a man that has the power to enter again and make the state of the man worse than the first? Are they speaking of a spirit who voluntarily leaves a man and who later returns to wreak more havoc? Do they speak of men with false and empty pretenses of religion, but with no true repentance or do they speak of men who once received Christ, but then did not continue with them thus opening themselves up for greater damage? These verses seem to depend quite a bit on whether you see yourself as Calvinist or Arminian. If you are Calvinist, the soul was never really converted; there was just the appearance of religion. If you are Arminian, the soul was converted, but the person didn't continue to fill himself with Christ, thus leaving himself open for a great fall. I spent another two hours reading an article on the online bible program called "Antidote to Arminianism." This is another one of those big mental debates. Which side do I find myself on? Some people think the Bible teaches both Calvinism and Arminianism, so they should teach both. At first glance this seems smart, but does Scripture really teach both? How can we say that, at the same time, God predestines salvation and also leaves the decision up to us as to whether we accept the gift of salvation? That seems absolutely ludicrous! So what do I believe? Again, I have to ask myself, does this really matter? Is this one of those fundamental questions to the faith or is it just a secondary issue? I don't know. 1/23/04 This morning I started Luke 11. I focused on Jesus' discourse on prayer. One thing that continues to be hard for me to understand is why the asking, seeking, and knocking is a continuous thing. Let me clarify. Greek scholars say that when it says "ask…seek…knock" the verb tense means that we are to keep on asking, keep on seeking, etc. Jesus finished the discourse saying that the Father will give the Holy Spirit to those who ask (same verb tense used). My question is: why must we continue to ask for something that we really need and that the Father desires to give us? We need to recognize our dependence on the Father. We need to see Him as the one who is good and gives us good things. The Father doesn't trick us; He cares for us. So why are we to keep asking? Why don't we get what we need with a single request? If my son was hungry and needed a meal, I wouldn't wait for him to ask me for something to eat ten times before I gave him food. I don't really think that is what God does either. So, I'm not sure how to read this passage. What I want to remember here is that I am totally dependent on the Father and that I can be confident that He will provide everything I need, especially the Holy Spirit, without tricking me. I'll have to re-read some of the commentaries that I read earlier on this passage, but one line stood out. I think it was Adam Clarke who said that the continual asking, knocking, etc. is for our benefit. It is to get us in a place where we understand our true dependence. God is always willing to give the good things, but it is not because of our merit. This goes along with a similar thought I had while reading the text. I thought that maybe the continual asking, along with the delay between the request and the answer, is intended to reveal our motives to our real needs and show us our true dependence on the Lord. It is important for us to know that we do not deserve anything. It is important for us to know that we are helpless. It is important for us to realize that God knows what is best for us and that He will give it to us for His own glory. One commentator also mentioned that the instructions to persevere in asking, etc. keep us from becoming complacent, lazy, and presumptuous in our prayers and relationship with the Lord. Praise God for His wisdom. He hasn't left out one single detail. How well He knows the creatures that He has created! 1/22/04 This morning I woke up with an empty feeling. It was sort of like the depressed feeling of a few years ago, except not with the same intensity and without the "what's happening to me" thoughts of a first-timer. I basically felt like my life didn't have any meaning right now. I wondered why I should even get out of bed. I was eager to get out of bed though, hoping that maybe being active would help the feelings go away. I decided to pray before I got up. I asked the Holy Spirit to fill me. I asked for strength to make it through this day…strength just to get out of bed. I asked for the True Purpose of living for Him to fill my thoughts and heart. Anyway, I finally got up and started to read my Bible. Today, I finished looking at Luke 10, focusing primarily on the question of the lawyer and Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan. I think that main point for me today is that I cannot love God with everything I've got and man as myself, thus fulfilling the law, by myself. I cannot DO the things necessary for eternal life, for fullness now and in the life to come. I can't. The lawyer thought he could DO what was needed. Jesus, graciously not revealing how absurd it was for the lawyer to think that he loved God with everything he had already, simply shows him that being a neighbor is all-inclusive. David Gudzik, on the Blue Letter Bible CD, pointed out that 1 John says that no man who loves God can say that he hates his brother (1 John 4:20). In other words, it is impossible to love God with everything we have and still hold hatred for our "neighbors". Some other commentator mentioned that it is Jesus working in us that frees us to love God and neighbor. 1 John also tells us that we love Him because He first loved us. Continuing with that, I was reminded of my need to sit at the feet of Jesus, listening carefully with an open heart, so that He might fill me and strengthen me to love God and man and have fullness. Anyway, that's what I got out of the reading today. And I'm very blessed. In all honesty, I feel better know. I have to say that God is answering my prayer. I still don't feel quite right, but I don't feel so empty as I did. I believe that God wants to use this morning to bring me closer to Him. I'm starting to hate that phrase because it's becoming so cliche. Still, I don't think that I am supposed to continue in the same path that I am in right now. This may be my wake up call, or at least the beginning of it. Some things need to change. I need more time focused on Jesus. I need to spend less time entertaining myself…less time wasting time. There needs to be more focus and purpose. Lord, whatever you're saying to me, give me the grace to hear it. Don't let me go without understanding and applying. For Your love and glory's sake, I beg You to make it so. Amen. 1/21/04 I don't really know what to write. There are plenty of things to choose from I suppose. A few days ago I returned from a weeklong trip to the US to renew my visa. Everything went smoothly with that and I praise the Lord that I have the chance to be here in Russia and minister for one more year. The trip was ok, but not as successful as I hoped. I don't think I really took advantage of any time I was given with anyone to share the gospel. I think in some cases I was able to be a good witness. The first day there I had a chance to share about what I am doing here with the homosexual man who was administering my HIV test. I didn't tell him about how he needed to know the Lord, but I did treat him with respect and dignity, which I could tell was an issue in his life, especially with his parents. I had a chance to visit with my former coworkers, which was a nice time. I didn't share the gospel, but God allowed me to share about Russia and what I was doing. I was surprised how big a witness it was to them that I had given up so much money in our acquisition retention package to do missionary work without pay. Praise the Lord that He used it. I had a chance to share with my friend Rob and his new girlfriend about God's faithfulness and the work here in Russia. Neither Rob nor I really know how deeply her walk with the Lord goes and I could tell she was listening very intently to the story of how God brought Olya and I together and to my impressions of Russia so far. I don't know. Everybody was interested in what things were like here in Russia. Many people listened very intently. I regret that I shared so much about what I have been given to do and how married life is, but never really shared outright the gospel hope that was the power behind it all. I guess I had hoped that God would change me into this unstoppable evangelistic machine that would have lots of one on one times with people and convert people left and right. It was nothing like it. I still felt hesitant to bring certain things up. I never really felt at any one time that there was a wide open door to share the gospel. I think part of it was my laziness. Part of it was the fact that I was struggling with my thought life while I was there. Part of it was the fact that I was distracted by all the things that I was able to enjoy again. I don't know how God viewed it all. I think it could have been much better than it was. I'm thankful for what I was able to testify of; that I was happy, provided for, enjoying a God-made marriage, unsure of future plans, yet still at peace, living out a dream, being stretched, etc. I don't want to make light of those things. I thank God that He gave me boldness to share those things. I'm a screw-up, but He loves me and He is still able to use me. I pray though, that I would submit more and trust more and more. I trust that God is working and that He is using this time here to refine me and bring me to a place of trusting and submitting more. Olya and I have been able to study the Bible together twice this week because she has a break from school. It has really been a fun time and I am so blessed that we are growing together in this area. I am thankful that God will take care of us and that our marriage will be secure as we submit it to Him and walk together in His love. I'm still unsure about this Sunday school ministry. I don't know if we are ready as a couple to do it together. Lord, I continue to ask for your wisdom. If we are not ready, raise someone else up. I want to do it because I love kids and I think it would be an exciting challenge, but if it's not the right time, I want to let it go. Help me hear from you. Lord, we also continue to ask you for a new flat. We pray for your peace to hold our hearts and we pray that we would trust you as we wait for your provision. Thank you for your promise to care for us and provide all that we need. Help us to seek your righteousness and trust your provision for everything else. I have some anxiety growing in my over future plans. I don't know where Olya and I will live next year. I don't feel a strong calling for any one place or occupation/ministry. I don't know how we will be supported if we live here. I don't know what we will do if we go to the US or even what we will do if we stay here. Father, I am trying to give this to you. I don't want to be anxious about it, but I can't deny that I'm struggling with it right now. I have that fear of screwing up and not being able to hear your voice in the matter. Give rest to my heart and mind. I want your peace and I want to trust. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you in this time. Thank you Father. Amen. 1/6/04 Happy New Year! I checked my email today and received a message from my friend and former co-worker, Ken. It was nice to hear from him. He wanted to get together when I'm back in the states. It was so cool to receive the message because I have written him about 4 or 5 times since last winter and he never wrote back. As I was walking home from the internet cafe, I suddenly started to have fear about sharing when I'm back in the States. I started wondering if I could look my former boss, co-workers, or family members in the eye and say, in the words of my friend Wes Watkins, "Jesus has the power to change your life." Why I have doubts, is that I wondered if my life has really evidenced that. All I was able to see when I came home is a man who too often lets cares, anxieties, distractions, or even sins, hinder him from experiencing the life changing power of God. Different people may have different views on this, but I am (currently) of the belief that although God is Almighty and is able to do anything, including working His good through my sin, we still can limit the flow of His blessings and power into our life by our various "issues" (for a serious lack of a better term) as I listed a few sentences earlier. I do not deny God ability or desire to bless me even when I am not walking in His Spirit. His grace was extended to all of us to believe in Him while we were still His enemies and lost in our sin. But I wonder, how much more powerful would my testimony be if I had trusted more, been less distracted, been more willing to obey, thrown off the pride, not tried to find faults with someone's teaching, taken more thoughts captive, etc. I don't know. I can say now that God is faithful. I can say that He has provided. I can say that He has answered prayers. I can say that I have seen Him work in people's lives. The problem is, I'm having trouble seeing that work in my life right now. I feel like a failure. I feel like the main desire of my trip, to share about what God has done and to lead others to Jesus, has failed before I've even left. That is not a great feeling. I need help. Jesus, I'm looking to you right now because I have no one else who can help me. I know I need you. I want you to use me on this trip. I feel like I have zero boldness. I ask for the empowering of your Holy Spirit. I don't want to be like Wes or Dan or Billy Graham, but I want to be a Spirit empowered and emboldened David Erho. Father, I beg you in Jesus' name, because of your mercy, to answer my request. Please. Amen. So, I have a couple of extra thoughts. Yesterday, I read the parable of the sower from Luke 8. I thought about it for a while and read a couple commentaries on it. I also meditated on a few verses that followed Jesus' explanation of the parable. What stood out to me were two sentences. "Therefore take heed how you hear." (Luke 8:18) "My mother and My brothers are these who hear the word of God and do it." (Luke 8:21) I thought about my response to the seed, the word of God. While I think you could justifiably argue that this is primarily a teaching about the response of various people to the Gospel message, I think it could reasonably be argued that it applies to every Christian's response to his everyday reading or hearing of the Bible. God is constantly speaking to us through His word. So I asked myself how I respond. Jesus says to take heed how we hear and then says that those "related" to Him are those that act upon the word that they hear. So, I find myself begging God for a good and noble heart that will receive the word, but also trust God and act upon and see God produce a crop of a hundred fold. My last thought deals with a passage I read today. I continued reading in Luke chapter 8 and focused on the story of Jesus calming the storm on the Sea of Galilee. What I thought most about was Adam Clarke's comment that said that the Greek word translated as "were in jeopardy" (Luke 8:23) is the same word as used in the Septuagint translated of the book of Jonah where it says in the Septuagint "were in the utmost danger". This is referring to the part of the passage where the boat was about to be thrashed because of Jonah's disobedience. Anyway, Adam said that the word jeopardy was a horrible choice for the KJV translation because it doesn't give you the full effect of the Greek. Basically, this was a serious situation. It wasn't like the disciples were just overreacting and making a molehill into a mountain. These guys were in serious trouble. Some other commentator made the point that a few of the disciples were experienced fishermen on this very Sea and therefore it was a big deal for them to be panicking. I talk about all of this because I realized that God doesn't just want us to trust Him in little situations where we are making a big deal out of nothing, He also wants us to trust Him even when the situation is very serious, even life-threatening. As true followers of Christ, we must realize that Jesus is in the storm with us. Nothing has changed from that time. We can't see the Anointed One in the flesh, but He is assuredly here with us. He is the Lord of All and has the power to do anything. What God calls us to is trust, no matter how big the storm. God doesn't rebuke them for making a big deal out of nothing. God inspired Luke to tell the situation, as it was: really dangerous. Yet, Jesus rebukes us for thinking that our situations, big or small, are the exceptions to His ability or desire to work. So, I want to be a disciple with a trust in the Lord in all situations. When I do falter and panic, let me still run to Jesus. However, may God give me a heart that can peacefully look to Him in the storm, glorify Him, and wait for Him to intercede. You know, I don't think Jesus minded that they came to Him and woke Him up. I think it was solely an issue of panic. Their hearts didn't trust. Father, give me a heart that trusts. Amen. |