|
September
2002
|
||
9/30/02 During devotions this morning I came across another passage of Scripture that really convicted me and made me stop and think. These are the words of Jesus in John 3:18-21 (NLT) "There is no judgment awaiting those who trust him. But those who do not trust him have already been judged for not believing in the only Son of God. Their judgment is based on this fact: The light from heaven came into the world, but they loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. They hate the light because they want to sin in the darkness. They stay away from the light for fear their sins will be exposed and they will be punished. But those who do what is right come to the light gladly, so everyone can see that they are doing what God wants." I was thinking about this passage in light of the sermon from my pastor yesterday. The main text was in Acts 2:37-41. It talked about the response that one is to expect when the Gospel message is preached. One either rejects Jesus and the way of life that He calls all of mankind to, or else the person has a repentance of the heart where internally they decide that they will follow Jesus and His path, though it means leaving their previous path and the desires of the sinful nature behind. The reason I was convicted is that I thought about things in my life that I have not left behind. There is still junk I hang on to. I hate this about myself. God's way is the only way that leads to life and I want it. I am thankful that I have this day to turn my back to junk and turn to Jesus. I want to have a habit of letting go of all this baggage that isn't from the Lord. Today is the day to trust Jesus forever. Praise God for the love and grace He has demonstrated in Jesus Christ. It demands a response. May we all turn to Jesus. Amen. 9/27/02 I'm getting a little anxious to make a decision about going to Russia. There are only one or two questions I need to have answered before I make it final one way or the other. When I really stop and think about what it would mean to leave everything familiar to me, it is a bit overwhelming. It is very easy to get caught up in the excitement of the opportunity without really realizing what it will mean. I have had so many mental pictures of seeing Olya all the time, digging deeper into God's Word, being stretched by doing ministry full-time, learning a new language, etc. Yet I can easily overlook my tendency to be lazy, to not be diligent in studying, to get very frustrated when I am having trouble adjusting to new surroundings and having it not go perfectly like I want. The other day as I paused to really think about it, I remembered some of the emotions I went through went I left home for SPU. There were some difficult nights were I was really homesick. I cried sometimes. But at that time, I was rooming with my friend John who I have known since 2nd grade little league baseball. My parents were only a 2 1/2 hour drive away. Everybody spoke my language and many shared my faith in Jesus since SPU was a Christian school. With this opportunity the situation is much different. It would be harder than I realize. Am I willing to take a big step? Is God really calling me to it? I'm glad I have had a month already to pray about it and to bounce the idea off of trusted companions. I am feeling led in one particular direction, but today will not be the day to make a decision. Now is still the time to wait, be still, and listen. I believe with all my heart that God's peace will follow wherever the Spirit leads. My heart is full of praise for a faithful and loving God. Thank you Jesus. 9/26/02 Last night as I was "driving" home from my Russian class, I turned on the radio and started listening to a sermon on a Christian radio station. (I say "driving" because I was traveling on 520 from Bellevue to Seattle during peak traffic. It felt like crawling. Anyway, it's a great time for thinking or listening to a sermon!) The message was about the topic of mammon, based on the passage in Luke 16:13- "No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon." In the message, the pastor spoke about how mammon is a master who will demand our loyalty, yet will bring us nothing in the end and destroy us. He spoke of mammon as a worldly spirit who is opposed to the blessing that God wants to give us. This was not a message of some sort of "health and wealth" gospel. It was a warning about the reality that this spirit has permeated into our culture, even our very lives and it puts a block on what God wants to do in our lives. I was convicted because of some of the examples given for ways in which we compromise and begin to submit to the demands that mammon makes. There were examples of stealing from our companies by using work time or resources for personal agendas and fudging on pay sheets. Other things mentioned were turning our backs to the poor in big ways and subtle ways, failure to tithe, cheating on tax forms, etc. I thought about times were I hadn't put in a full work day because I chatted with someone for a half hour during working time or how I had rounded up mileage on an expense report to get a few extra cents in repayment. Even in small things where the physical gain is only a few cents, a big sacrifice in integrity is made and that has a HUGE spiritual impact. It's not right and I need to take heed. A side note: I have really been blessed in the last few weeks as God has allowed me to see more of my ugly side. I know it sounds a bit crazy, but He is making me aware of my spiritual poverty and that is important. Only Jesus Christ makes me righteous and it is cool to experience that in a more solid way. The thing is, it's not like this ugly side wasn't there before. It has always existed since I was born. Yet I am confident that Jesus Christ has rescued me from eternity without God. Praise God for the gift of life we have in Christ Jesus. Cool! 9/25/02 For my morning devotions I read a one year chronological Bible. Basically, it organizes the passages of Scripture in chronological order and divides it up into daily portions to read each day and make it through the Bible in a year. I read it last year and decided to do it again this year. Anyway, yesterday the New Testiment began and it was so refreshing! After reading through the decline and fall of Judah and Israel, the exile, and the beginings of rebuilding I was so thirsty to read about the Savior Jesus coming into the world. It's one of the coolest feelings I've ever experienced. Same thing happened last year. The thirst is quenched by the coming of Jesus. Awesome! Praise God! Here is one verse from today that I loved. It's from Luke 1:74 (NLT): "We have been rescued from our enemies, so we can serve God without fear, in holiness and righteousness forever" I read another intereting thing today related to yesterday's thoughts about fasting. It's another case of a verse leaping off the page and poking me in the eye for the first time even though I've read the passage numerous times. Here is the verse: "...She never left the Temple but stayed there day and night, worshiping God with fasting and prayer" (Luke 2:37, NLT) I guess fasting (and prayer) is a type of worship to God. Pretty cool. Olya asked me a question in a letter the other day about what it meant to me to worship God. I thought of some things other than just singing or raising my hands, but fasting wasn't one of them. God is so good. 9/24/02 What happens when you fast? Fasting is a mystery to me. How can abstaining from food (or certain foods- traditionally speaking) benefit you spiritually? As you may be able to tell from my questions, I haven't done a whole lot of studying on the subject, nor have I developed a consistent discipline of fasting. Still something inside of me (probably the Holy Spirit's prompting) tells me that it is important to fast and it does make a difference. When Jesus talks about fasting in the sermon on the mount, His statement "and WHEN you fast" gives the implication that His disciples are in the habit of fasting. I also remember Jesus telling the disciples that only certain demonic strongholds could be broken through prayer and fasting (see Matthew 17:21 and Mark 9:29). The Bible certainly gives testimony to the fact that fasting is important and that God does things, amazing things, through it. Yet it still boggles my mind. How does it work? Why is it so important? I was reading "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoffer a few weeks ago and he wrote about how a lack of fasting is related to the spiritual dryness one feels when the Word seems dull and praying is infrequent and sluggish, lacking any fervor. My spiritual dryness at times most often seems to be due to a spiritual laziness that is somewhat discouraging knowing that fasting requires a great deal of discipline. I guess that's when we recognize our absolute poverty and throw ourselves at the feet of the Jesus Christ. Anyway, I am praying for more understanding on the subject of fasting. There is this sense deep inside of me that there is something huge to discover. We'll see. 9/23/02 I am so thankful that God has blessed me with some wonderful friends. Fellowship of the faith is such a wonderful gift from the Lord. Last night I had the chance to talk with my friend Dan for a couple hours. The thing was, it only seemed to last 20 minutes. As I trip and fall along the road of life trying to be faithful to the Lord, it is such a blessing to have guys like Dan who are walking along side me. While I fully believe that Jesus always walks with me in fellowship and sustains my life, I am also fully convinced that He loves to use others to speak into my life and encourage me. So I am thankful for the chance to share my thoughts, struggles, joy, and failures with Dan. And I am touched knowing that God, in His grace, allows me to be someone with whom some people can share. Did that make sense? Anyway, it was awesome! I felt totally refreshed and encouraged. Praise God! He is so good! 9/20/02 Forgive the delay. I'm horrible with journaling. I thought writing electronically would be easier and therfore allow me to be more consistent, but I guess laziness isn't cured when something becomes easier. Laziness always seems to find an excuse! I've been taking Russian lessons for the past few weeks. Initially, I just saw it as a way to accelerate my learning of the language. For the last year I had been studying on my own. However, the laziness that I deal with in journaling also rears it's ugly head when it comes to studying on my own. After Amgen bought Immunex and I received my little retention bonusá I thought investing in lessons would be a good thing. It turns out that these lessons may be coming at a very good time since I am considering living in Russia. What a great head start I could get by picking up some basics and becoming more accustomed to writing and speaking now. So I am very thankful that God has provided this opportunity. His provision and wisdom continues to amaze me. Anyway, I am finding that this class takes a significant chunk of my time every week. The lessons are only 3 hours a week, but they are one on one classes so I have to be extra diligent with my homework. It's been good from me, though it is highlighting my need for more discipline. I'm having trouble managing all the homework and classes with everything else and getting to bed at a decent hour. It feels a bit like college! Only I am working with classes on the side instead of vise-versa. It is a great time to learn. May the Lord give me the wisdom and strength I need. 9/13/02 It's been a long week. It's amazing how "off" I feel when I don't get a decent amount of sleep for a few days in a row. I get pretty lethargic and it's hard to concentrate on anything. There is so much to do at work right now, not to mention a ton of homework in my Russian class, but I just don't seem to have the energy for it. Hopefully, this will be a nice restful weekend. Grandma is doing much better and I thank the Lord for it. My dad said that yesterday she was sitting up, eating by herself, and having an intelligent conversation. If you saw my grandma last week, you would be amazed at the difference. So it is nice to hear that she is doing better. I'm still praying a lot about this missions opportunity. There's just a lot to consider. I think that I'm ready to take the step and go, but there are still some unanswered questions. I'll keep you updated. 9/10/02 God is great! Even though I feel exhausted, the Lord has given me strength for a productive work day. I love it how He saves me all the time by reminding me of things I need to add to certain tasks at work that end up saving a lot of extra headaches. I know many people attribute that kind of thing to the intricate processing of our brains, but I attribute it to a loving heavenly Father. Why? Because I believe He is also the Creator of the universe; the one who designed the human brain with all of it's intricate functionality. LORD, you are amazing! 9/9/02 Oh, what do I write? So much happens in the span of a few days. I had a chance to spend some time with grandma (my last remaining grandparent) in the hospital thursday night and saturday night. She is pretty weak right now. Her blood glucose levels have been low and doctor's aren't sure why. It's kind of shocking seeing someone you love be so weak. I know that she is 91 years old, but you have to know that (despite some recent bouts with pneumonia) she has been relatively healthy and mentally sharp lately. Her recent renal failure and need for dialysis has been hard on her, but she has done pretty well. But she looked so different when I went to see her. The change was dramatic. I am encouraged though by her faith. What a wonderful legacy she is making! Even in her weakened state, she had the presence of mind and faith in God to encourage me to keep praying, especially in a time like this when we feel so helpless. What a great example! One really cool thing happened in church yesterday. A brother stood up and shared in our time of waiting on the Lord after worship. God had given him a mental picture of this lush green area with a beautiful refreshing stream flowing through it. The followers of Jesus were drinking this life-giving water and being refreshed by it. Outside of this healthy green area was the stiking contrast of a desert with people laying in it dying and thirsty. Some of God's servants took water out to them and simply poured it over them thinking that was enough to help them. The guy in church said that he felt God's desire for followers of Christ to bring those sick, dying, thirsty people back to the green area with us to drink from the same living water and be refreshed and healed. I can't tell you how awesome it was for me to hear the man share because a year ago I had nearly the same picture in my head during a time of worship on Sunday morning. In my mental picture, there were also large lucious fruit trees that the followers of Jesus were eating. That same desert lay just outside of this area and people were taking the fruit from the tree out to them. I also saw that the believers of the Lord were bandaging the wounds of the people and feeding them with the fruit so that they would be strong enough to come back to the green and vibrant area of life to be refreshed and healed. As I heard the brother share, it was a confirmation in my heart that the mental picture I had was from the Lord. Now the question is: am I going to let the words sink in and take root in my heart. I pray that I will become one of those who goes out to help others and bring them back to the peace, refreshment, fruit, and life that I enjoy in Christ. Cool, huh? 9/5/02 It's amazing how one phone call can spin your day around. Last night I talked to my dad and heard that my grandma is back in the hospital. That wonderful lady is 91 years old! Just last week I received a call from someone that really threw me for a loop. In fact, it broke my heart. In times like those it can be so easy to focus on the negative aspects and let it ruin a day, week, month, etc. I have to say that God's peace in Jesus Christ is still felt in the midst of crisis. The Spirit has been so wonderfully GOOD. And I am incredibly greatful, because unsettling news admittedly shakes me up. There is a tremendous feeling of hopelessness leading me to literally fall on my face crying out to God. I don't know why certain things happen to those I love, but I know that God is above it all and His love DOES remain. What we see now is not the end of things. Our true destiny lies in eternity. Praise God for His compassion, peace, and unconditional love. May He be glorified. I received an email today from my hometown pastor that encouraged me a lot. I have been presented with an offer to undergo a missions training program in Olya's church starting this January and I wrote Pastor Jerry, as well as Karl from the Vineyard, about it. His words were kind, refreshing, and supportive. My desire is to leave all and go for it. What an exciting opportunity to finally (after several years of waiting) experience some longer term missions work! Plus there is the added bonus (not to be underestimated) of seeing Olya on a regular basis and having marriage counseling. There is much more praying to be done though. As excited as I am at the opportunity, I want to make sure my motives are right and that this is indeed from the Lord. Stay tuned though, ok?! Your prayers would be appreciated too. |