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| Sad.. At one time in my life, the only thing that I had in ti, to keep me going was a twisted peice of wood, with metal strings. I love playing music, but I found, that the sorce of so much joy, was also the sorce of my pain. I had a violin. It was beautiful, red old, I'm sure that it was more then likily something that would have been worth alot of money at one time. But I had it, it was passed down through my family, and given to me when I was little. Unfortunatly when it was given, the family forgot to mention that the damn thing had an evil spirit in it. Now, I am not blameing them, they didn't know, hell I had it almost all of my life and never knew it. It had been my grandfathers, and my own father couldn't play it, he told me it "Hurt too mu7ch" and I was a happy child, so, it never gave me a problem, that is untill Michael died, and then the thing inside the violin woke up to find a plentiful food sorce. My pain. It fed on it, kept me angery, spitefull, and most of all alone. It fed off off all of my pain, and self loathing. It was a parisite really, and as much as I love playing the violin, I can't pick up another one, and play to this day. I got a new one after the one that I had was distoryed. The new one, well, it was a gift from a good friend, and as much as I wanted to play it,I can't, my hands shake too badly, and well.. I geuss thats that. I'm fucked but good there. So the one true solice that i had, is now gone, and I have to cope with a world on a whole new set of rules. God help me, I'm lost without this outlet for all the emotions rageing inside my heart. It threatened to make me the "Mad Violinist". It was slowly eatting my soul, I was dieing by inches, that was untill I realised that I wasn't acting like my self, tyhat I wasn't "Me" at all. It killed me, to think about it, it ate me up inside, swallowed me whole. I was becomeing something I didn't want to be. I was also loseing the man that ment more then anything to me, a man whom I love more then I love my own life. I was finally knowing happiness, and this terrible little violin, was trying to distroy it. I know sounds like the raveings of a nut, but then again, nothing this far could be called sain now could it? |
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