Shattered

Shattered Innocence

My little brother, are you up there in heaven looking down on me? What do you think of your big sister now? Is she brave, or just stupid? Do you miss playing hide and seek with me, or brushing my hair. Do you miss the hours of listening to me play, while you danced around the room? I miss that, I miss chanseing you through the house everytime you found a bra that wasn't secured to a dresser drawer. You'd be 13 now wouldn't you? I'd be teaseing you about your first crush, hearing tails of your first kiss.. But we are never going to have the chance to do all of that are we? No.. Not now, not ever. I Hate it, I hate it.. why did you have to die?! Why couldn't I save you,!? Why the fuck did we have to stay in the damn town that extra night? I want you back, Michae, I want to to come home... But then again, there is no home any more, those bastards made sure of that when they killed you, and out fucking sorry excuse for a cowardly bitch of a father.... ?Damn it why could you have run when I told you? Why did you come back, Michael I told you to run. But.. But when those corpse fuckers caught me, I saw you stop running.. Damn it why didn't you Listen? Why couldn't I fight any harder or run faster?

Micheal.
There where few things in my life that ment the world to me. Today, it's all the same. I am defined by the people who enter my life, shape the corse of it by there actions, and thus the corse of my actions are dictated by it. To date there are three p[eople that I can say have changed my life, for good or ill. A vampire who's name I shall not utter, whom I despise with all of my heart, who had won my trust, and turned out to be a bigger monster then I thought any before could have been. A Saytr who's lust for everything has drawn me out of myself, and re-eduacted me, in love , and in finding happiness in life again. The last, was my brother Michael.
Michael was born in my grandmothers RV, after suffering through the bloddiest, and quickest briths I have ever heard of. My borther was born in 20 minutes...Grandmother was driveing the RV, trying to get her to the hospital, and I was in the back with mom, while dad followed in the pick-up truck behind us. My mother was trying not to scream, I held her hand, and tried to stay strong, she was suffering so much, and the blood was everywhere. She had been wearing this little white sundress, and here I was looking up it, telling my grandma to drive faster, because I could see Michaels head. We never did reach the hospital in time. I was holding Michael in my arms when where where less then a mile away , and whe we got there, the parametics grabed my mother, and by the look on their face, I knew it was bad. In the commotion, they forgot about me and Michael, and we sat in the waiting room, he swadled in a blanket, one that mom had made for him. He cried, and I cried, and hugged him close, I gave him Benny, my stuffed rabbit I remeber telling him I would always take care of him...
This, was a happy time inthe life of my family. My dad, was actually the warm caring man that you see on all those heart warming sitcoms. You know what Ii mean, the loving careing understanding father who never was too buisy for his kids.. Bill Cosby, but well lkacking the darker skin tone and college education. He was heavily into jazz, loved to dance, and he and my mom would spend hours danceing by the fire light, swaying in eachothers arms, or he would play, and she would dance like a ballerina, arms above her head. Anyway, they where always very in love with eachother,and well, living in a carnival made it hard to get my mom to a doctor as often as was needed. Well, my grandma, she had been telling my mother for weeks that she needed to go to the doctor, she had made my mother drink, and eat all of these strang things, warning her that there was something "Evil" happening with the baby, some sort of ill omen.Well it turned out to be right. My moher died that night, 20 minutes after she was admitted into the hospital . She had bled to death, and my father died too then, I mean that, because even though shje was still among the liveing, he was a changed abd broken man, more prone to drowning his sorrows in a bottle then anything. He took to gambleing and it fell on me to raise Michael, for the first year, he couldn't look at Michael without crying, and didn't hug him ever..

So, it fell on me and grandma to care for him, which we did, raised him as best as we could. I was 10, and though I lost my mom, I had this tiny little life that she left behind for me to take care of, and he needed me. So from the moment mom died, I took reponsibility for him. He was my little btother, my dreamer of big dreams, a singer, and story teller when he got older. He was one of those kids that could have an enlightening coversation with you, one of those kids who you forget just how young they are. It's like they are adult and child all a the same time. I know that most wont understand what I mean, but to the ones that do he was "Fae" in his ways even when he was so little. He learned his first word when he was 10 months old, before he could even walk, it was "Isha" which was short for Latisha, and it stuck all through his life.
I played violin for him, and he would sing or dance, throwing his hands in the air, and stomping his feet like some primitive savage. Other time, he would sing things I couldn't understand, yet it was so beautiful it was heart renching. Later when he was older, I found out why my little brother was so strange, and why he seemed so old in soul, and joyfully young at heart. There are things in this world that exist, dark thing, truily evil things that feed off a dieing world, and Michael, was one of the few things, that faught against that ravageing by being what he was.

Wondering what I mean by all that criptic crap? well let me break it down . He was a Fae, a fairie, changling, one of the "Fair Folk" What have you. He was Eshu, one of the wandering ones, story tellers and sooth sayer. Michael was awakened to his dreaming self young, and the more that I think about it, the more I realize, that I never really saw him the way everyone else saw him. Well to get back to the story, he took me aside one night, took me to this river that the carnival had settled near in Itally. Everyone was asleep, and as usual Michael wasn't tired, so here we go to play by the river, so I could play violin, and Michael could dance, or so I thought. It was there, that night with the moon full and round over head, the little scamp looks at me and says "My name is really Peris, I am not human, I'm Eshu" I blinked a few times, and then he laughed, then I laughed, and I hugged him. The funny thing was I knew that he was right, knew that he was telling the truth and that he was who he had said that he was. I then for the first time, SAW, and KNEW what I saw was real. There before me was my brother, yet with darker skin, longer black hair, as dark as a raven's wing, and eyes so dark they seemed fathomless. He was dressed in a turkish turban and billowy white pants, a small jewled dagger at his hip, and rings on each of his fingers like he was some great sultan. I had seen these dreamy bits before, but they where never this vivid. He told me then, that he had made me able to see the world like he could, and we talked for hours over how he knew that I had known, but how we never addressed his difference, and could never adress it. Later that night we went home, and found out our grandma had died. It was a bitter sweet thing, learning the secret, and loosing our only caregiveing parental figure. It's like life liked kicking us when we started to really enjoy life. Anyway After that, we just had eachother, untill that night when the leeches came, and changed everything.