| Artistic Techniques |
| Sometimes, an artist must resort to ancient techniques to perfect his or her craft. Since, I am Dr. Dave and I know about this stuff, I will reveal a few artistic techniques to quench your thirst for knowledge. This is an outreach program after all... |
| 1. The Nude Technique |
 |
 |
| The most potent trick that an artist has up his or her sleeve is the nude technique. There is not a person on the planet that hates a boobie. Most men love boobies for the obvious reason that they're tempting and otherwise off limits. Women love boobies in art because they love to see themselves and their sex uplifted. And it's not just boobies. Men are in pictures too. However this isn't as big of a success because most men feel intimidated by having to compete with a statue. Me, I don't fret, mwee hee. Women don't see much reason for a man to run around naked, but if he's with a woman it gains points. So, nudeness equals goodness in art. |
| 2. The Fruit Technique |
 |
 |
| The Fruit Technique is usually a winner. For some reason artsy people love seeing fruit or vegetables. Do you ever see chicken displayed like this? No, it's because most artists are vegetarian Nazis. This is why fruit is so good to paint. And if you're a vegetarian I'm sorry. |
| 3. Buildings |
 |
 |
| No one wants to see a real face in art today. No one is sure what's beautiful and since beauty is a thing that no one can be sure of, more and more people shoot inanimate objects. They're much easier to work with and they never move. However, most inanimate objects don't really convey a sense of anything which is why these pictures are here. What do they mean? What are they of? Who took these crazy pictures? Not I, says the crow. Caw caw, says he and he laughs with glee. Get crow, go away, I say, leave this room now, we ne'er talk of thee. The crow flies away. Stupid crow...anyway...yes, buildings are art. That's why Ozzy can't pee on them. Case closed. |
| So, just who is that crow and what is he doing here? Click here to be led astray... |