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| Dream A Little Dream ... |
07/31/02 - I�m depressed. There ... I�m over it. Someone recently commented on me. He said I liked to have fun. I mention a lot about adventures, but basically, I�m talking about fun. Yes, I like to have fun. I don�t think you have to know me long to know that. But I�m no airhead. I�m not into having fun non-stop. I have my priorities. I have more than my share of reality to deal with. That�s one reason I can appreciate the fun. I had a call from My Dad, He hadn�t heard from me for a while. I wonder why. I didn�t have any news. The moving project is not going too well. I haven�t had much luck in having people call me back. I submitted a couple of applications and never heard anything. But, I�m really trying hard not to worry about this. I got the feeling the timing wasn�t right, maybe those places weren�t right. My landlord is out of town. He hasn�t evicted me yet, so it�s not down to the crunch. But My Dad kept saying, over and over, �You have a problem, a big problem.� And then he said ... �No more fun. You have to put all your attention into this move. No more fun.� What fun is he talking about? I think I�d remember if I was having that much fun. But, I felt a funk coming on. I started to get a stomach ache. Pressure. My horoscope was a doozy for the 31st. It said that if I�d been feeling excessively tired lately, it may be stress that is piling up. Worry, anxiety and fear are huge drains on physical and emotional health. DUH! I have learned something in my old age. I�ve been through enough up�s and down�s. For me, I have to ride them out. Funny, there was this childish thought running through my head, something like well if My Dad said no more fun ... let�s do it. Fun, fun, fun till her daddy took the T-Bird away ... No, that�s exactly the moment that you fight the urge, ride it out. The stranger it feels, the more you have to let it go. And ... It�s going. I�m taking note of my feelings. And, I�m feeling better. The energy will catch up, I feel it. It�s not always what you�re told. It�s sometimes how it�s said. I think a little support and encouragement would have been more beneficial. Honesty can be great, but don�t be honest to a fault. Think first before you speak. I learned that one dealing with my kids. If you can�t say anything nice, maybe you should say nothing at all. But then again, funks can be useful too. I reminded myself that the control is all mine. Saturday night I was at the Pub. There was a really cool blues band playing. I was enjoying the music big time. They said they would be playing to 1 a.m. which made me very happy. But, around midnight most all the crowd left. A little while later one of the band members announced that it sure had cooled off in the Pub since most of the people had left. I took offense, I spoke out. I said THE PEOPLE are still here. He apologized and asked my name. He said from then to 1 a.m. it would now be Cathy�s private party. I got up and danced, alone. Well, if it�s my party, I�ll dance if I want to. That�s my kind of party anyway. I don�t do pity parties well. I�m fine. I�m really fine. |