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| Dream A Little Dream ... |
04/15/02 - Maybe I am getting old ... I don�t think I�m exhausted, well maybe a little. But I�ve found myself wanting to get back on schedule, something I�m usually happy to stray from. But beyond that, I found myself depleted ... Moi! I�ve been told that I�m insatiable. So, depleted scared me. Maybe I AM getting old. No, that can�t be it. I was feeling numb. Maybe it�s time for me to take control. I�ve always been a �roll with the punches� person. But then it was like little twinges of guilt started to take over. Well, I�m not old, but I�m old enough to know I have nothing to feel guilty about. Numb was what it was. And actually, I�ve always had some sort of control. I may have my head in the clouds a lot of the time, but I�ve always got one foot planted firmly on the ground. Nonetheless (I�ve always liked that word), what I was feeling was very different and I was at a loss on what to do about it. Should I try to figure it out, should I explain? No, it wasn�t necessary because ... I was understood. No apologies necessary. And, there was total agreement. The schedules could be worked out. Slowing down was a given. And the numbness turned to calm. Tonight The New Guy will be coming to watch me bowl. Oh gees ... please don�t let me suck. I had a score of 134 last week, hope that wasn�t a fluke. I really want him to meet my two favorite team members. I�ve talked about them here before, but I can�t remember the nicknames I�ve given them (yikes, old age). Anyway, they are great, such a sweet couple, and they have become really good friends to me. I think they worry about me a little. They have no reason to, but I appreciate their concern all the same. We seem to realize when we�re going through things without having to actually say what�s going on. Last week they asked me if they could borrow $20. I only had $10. I gave it to them, I didn�t loan it. I give what I can, when I can and I never expect anything in return. It�s a what goes around, comes around thing. Now the fourth member of my team, it�s a little different story there. I find myself stretching at times. Last week I was so tired and really looking forward to getting home from bowling and taking a little nap before work. Well, She informs me that I have to take Single Horny Man home as he doesn�t have a ride. I said, No, I can�t. She said, yes you can, I told him you would. I told her she had no right to do that. I wanted to go straight home. She said he�s not that much out of my way. I started to get that �Why Me?� feeling. The last thing I needed was contact with another single, horny man. And why would she want to put me in that position? She was getting on my nerves. I looked her straight in the eyes and said very firmly ... Listen to me, I don�t want to and I�m not going to. Then I left. I�m pretty sure I surprised her. I surprised myself a little. But then again ... I�ve always had some sort of control. |