Entry030602

03/06/02 - Give me your morning. I don�t wake up in the morning, at least five times a week I don�t. So if you want my morning your not going to get my waking up. Of course that doesn�t mean I don�t have a morning. I do. And, I like them, what little I know of them.
Especially sunny, warm mornings. It�s the end of winter right now, almost spring. At 6 a.m. it is still dark. By 7, the darkness has passed and it�s full fledged daytime. I usually take the office garbage out somewhere near 6 a.m. I have a cigarette in the moonlight. I pace a little. I�m out front where I don�t have to worry about the door locking behind me. It�s a short break, just a touch of freedom. 7 o�clock marks the end of my workday. Now I am free. That thought has an effect on me. I am released. These days, like I said, it is sunny and warm. Some winter mornings I experience icy cold. I have had to dig my car out of an
icy film. The sunny summer mornings can be blinding, makes for a scarry drive. On good days I will be feeling drowzy. I call these days good because it makes it easier for me to sleep when I�m drowzy. Some days I walk through the door and fall right into bed. But not all days are like this. Sometimes I�m keyed up from an overactive or stressful morning, or maybe it�s just my mind. Some days I have to relax, or wait, before falling asleep. And some days, the bad days, I can�t sleep at all. The topsey turvey life catches up with me. There�s nothing I can do about it but rest and enjoy a morning, a day time that I usually skip. The drowziness is there, but the sand man abandones me. I don�t have enough energy to do anything but contemplate on these bad days.

When I can get a good days sleep, I usually wake up in the afternoon. I�m not an easy waker. I need coffee, even waking in the afternoon I need coffee. I don�t usually have strong coffee though, most of the time weak or decaf. It�s the taste I crave more than the buzz. This is the reason I don�t work �normal people�s� hours. I can�t get up and get out. I can�t be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I need hours of waking up. I like to piddle around. I like to hem and haw. It may not be the most productive lifestyle, but it�s enjoyable. It could be like couch potatoing without the couch. I�m not sure. I struggle with schedules. I want them. But they elude me. My topsey turvey life helps me evade them.

I�ve not been real specific here. I don�t have much of a routine. And, I�m not good on the details. I could do better there. If this was to be part of a story I would need to show you that darkness before dawn. I would need to make you hear the sounds of the early birds, the 5:30 a.m. train and it�s uproar. I would make your nose scrunch as I described the odor when lifting the dumpster to toss in the trash bag. I don�t know how interesting all that really is. But, when I think of it, it must have bearing. I�ve noticed.