Entry020602

02/06/02 - I seem to have regained consciousness. I was afraid January might have done
me in, but here I am, thawing out quite nicely. Last month was so confusing. It actually became uncomfortable for me. Friendships were exhausting, my finances were being depleted. And, I was freezing.

I�m thinking true friendships hold up under strain. We shall see. I had to put up some barriers. The most successful friendships I have are the ones that allow me plenty of space. Space without distance. Possible, yea I think so. It may not seem likely, but some free spirits actually need a touch of attachment. Grant me that and you�ve got a friend for life. Anyway, I narrowed my involvements and part of the confusion cleared.

I�m flat broke, thanks to January. I had waited many years to get some much needed dental work done. I�d planned for it. I made it a January goal knowing my insurance would be benefit full at the first of the year. However, I forgot to plan on overspending for Christmas, The Jock�s birthday on Christmas Eve, The Kid�s birthday a month later, $200+ for The Jock�s junior college tuition and another $200+ for the books to go with it. Yikes! A humbling experience being broke. It�s not like I haven�t been there before. I�ve always been there. But, for the past couple of years I�ve at least experienced break even. Wow, that�s pretty darn near rich to me. So, we scrimped by and I�m on the rebuild now. It feels good actually. And, I didn�t bounce any checks, that really feels good. So, a little more
confusion evaporating.

And as far as the weather ... nothing I can do but bundle up and wait. I�m grateful for the ground hog. Six more weeks of winter at least puts a deadline to the misery. I can survive. Plus, soon as February showed up, so did the sun. There�s been rays of hope during the day. I�m still digging my car out of an inch of frost each morning as I leave work. But even then, I�m doing it in style. Drummer Boy gave me one of those handy dandy scrapper tools. First one I�ve ever owned.

And though I wouldn�t say I�m experiencing total clarity ... The haze is lifting.