Chapter Eight
NeverMind © 2004
Things became something of a whirlwind at the Wood household for the next few weeks. Jocelyn had gigs almost every night of the week and was in negotiations with several different agents. Elijah hardly saw her except in passing or when she would drag him with her to interview the next potential agent. His opportunities to talk to her alone were pretty much nonexistent. She and Dom were still seeing each other, but she hardly even had time for him.
Elijah thought all this time not seeing her would help him get over her, but he was wrong. She was pretty much all he ever thought about and it was starting to really affect him. He was becoming more and more of a recluse. He just didn’t want to be around people anymore.
Dom had come over one day to pick Jocelyn up for her gig that night. He stopped by Elijah’s after Deborah asked him to. “Something’s up,” she said to him. “He’s acting really weird lately.”
Dom knocked on Lij’s door and waited for him to open it. When he did, he found his friend in sweats and an old t-shirt, unshaven and pretty much generally unkempt.
“Hey mate – what’s going on? I haven’t seen you in days,” Dom said.
“Oh, I’m just, uh, just not feeling well lately.”
Dom narrowed his eyes. “You’re sick?”
“Yeah.”
“When did it start?”
“A while ago.”
“Like after Jocelyn’s first gig?”
“Maybe.”
“Hmm. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, not really.”
“Look, Lij, I asked you if it was okay…”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
The two men stood there looking at each other for a while. “I, uh, I gotta go,” Dom finally said. “Are you coming tonight?”
“No. I can’t make it.”
Dom just nodded. “I’ll catch you around, Lij.”
That night after the concert, Dom took Jocelyn out for coffee. “We need to talk,” he’d told her.
“What’s up?” she’d asked him over a large decaf latte.
“What do you think about us?” he asked.
“What do you mean? I think we’re great.”
“No, but I mean, do you think you could ever see yourself falling in love with me?”
“Oh, wow, Dom. I, uh – geez, you’re kinda putting me on the spot here. Why are you even asking me this?”
“Just because Elijah…”
“Oh no,” she cut him off. “Don’t do this. Don’t make me choose. Every guy I’ve ever been with has made me choose. I shouldn’t have to choose – he’s my best friend.”
“No, Joce, wait. Let me finish. I’m trying to tell you that he’s in love with you.”
“What? No he’s not.”
“He’s been in love with you since the summer of grade seven.”
“No he hasn’t.”
“Yes, he has. And he’s sitting in his house, dying inside because he doesn’t know what to do with that.”
Jocelyn felt like she’d been run over by a cement truck. “I don’t – what?”
“Look, I asked him if it would be okay with him if I asked you out, but I knew as soon as I said it that he would have a hard time with it. I thought maybe he would get over you, but he hasn’t.”
“Get over me? What..?”
“Did he tell you why Kyla broke up with him?”
“He said it was mutual…”
“She broke up with him because of you. Because she could see how in love with you he was.”
“He’s – why hasn’t he said anything?”
“Come on, Joce. You know why. He’s afraid of losing you.”
“Losing me? He’d never…”
“Look, Jocelyn, I’m not asking you to choose. I’m telling you to decide what you really feel about him. He’s the one you went to when you were freaking out the morning of your first gig. He’s the one you talk about more than anyone else. He’s the one you turn to nine times out of ten. It’s not me. I really like you, but honest to god, I could bear to just be your friend if it meant you and he were supposed to be together.”
She thought she would be sick. This was not what she had expected to hear. Elijah in love with her? How could this be? And was she…was she in love with him? The thought had never occurred to her in earnest before. Sure she’d always found him attractive and was convinced as a child that she would marry him but…oh god, this was really bad. All of their interactions in the last four weeks came slamming into her head. Oh god, she’d been an absolute bitch!
Dom put a hand over hers. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“No, I’m not. I need to go home.”
“Not to Cedar Rapids, I hope.”
“No. I won’t run away, I promise.”
“Good.” They got into his car and he drove her back to the Wood house.
“Well,” Dom said when he pulled into the driveway. “I can honestly say I’ve never had a stranger break-up.”
“I really don’t know what to say,” Jocelyn said. “You’re such a great guy…”
“Oh, I know. Don’t worry about me, there’s a veritable line-up of women waiting for their opportunity to date me.”
She smiled sadly. “I don’t know what to do.”
He shrugged. “Just figure out what you feel.”
“Thanks, Dom.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” he laughed and hugged her.
“Swear you’ll still come around?” she asked.
“You couldn’t keep me away,” he promised.
Jocelyn went up to her room and fell face-first on the bed. This was a lot to digest. She rolled over. “Am I in love with him?” she asked the ceiling. “Yes,” was all that came back. Of course she was. He understood her, he brought out the best in her, and he was always there for her. She trusted him implicitly. She loved being with him, she loved when he held her, she loved the way he made her laugh. She sat up on the bed. “How could I have been so stupid?” she asked herself.
“He’s dying inside because he doesn’t know what to do,” she heard Dom say. She got up and headed downstairs. She knew it was late, but this couldn’t wait.
She made her way across the lawn to Elijah’s place. She slipped around to the back of the house and caught sight of his face in the glow of a match as he lit a cigarette. God, he was beautiful.
“Lij,” she said when she was close enough for him to hear her.
He stood up abruptly. He hadn’t expected her. She looked radiant in the moonlight – almost elf-like. Her long hair had been swept up into a messy bun held in place by two chopsticks. He couldn’t read her expression in the dark.
“Jocelyn,” he managed. “Did you just get back?”
She nodded. She kept a careful distance from him – she wasn’t sure how this was going to play out. She was afraid he’d be really mad at her.
Now or never, Elijah thought to himself. “I, um, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he started.
“Lij, I…”
He held up a hand to stop her. “Please. Let me finish,” there was an anxious edge to his voice. “I should’ve…said something right away, but I didn’t and now…now I don’t really know how to say it. I think…no, it’s more than just think, I’m really pretty sure, but anyway, I think…I’m in love with you. I know you probably think I’m crazy, but you’re all I think about. I mean, you just – you’re amazing and it hurts to look at you and I never should’ve told Dom I was okay with him dating you but now you are and I should’ve said something before. I just, I need you to know and I’m sorry if this changes our relationship, but…”
She had progressively been moving closer to him and by the time he’d finished his rant, she was about two inches away from his face. He stopped talking when he realized how close she was. She searched his eyes. “Tell me again,” she said softly.
“Why?” he asked, his breath catching in his throat.
“Because I’ll believe you.”
“I’m in love with you,” he whispered.
She kissed him, wrapping her arms around him. He was taken aback. Was this for real? She pulled away from him and he saw a tear glistening on her cheek.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I should’ve seen…”
He reached up and brushed the tear off her face. “I don’t understand, what about Dom?” he asked.
“He told me everything,” she said. “It would seem that he always – he always knew.” She gripped the back of his shirt as she held him closer. “I don’t want to be with anyone else,” she told him.
“Neither do I,” he said, kissing her neck.
When Elijah woke up the next morning, he was afraid he’d been dreaming. But Jocelyn stretched and rolled over beside him, so he knew he hadn’t been. He watched her sleeping figure and for the first time in weeks felt genuinely happy. She opened her eyes a little. “Oh good,” she sighed. “You’re still here. I was afraid I was dreaming.”
“Me too,” he said, leaning in to kiss her.
They meandered over to the house later that morning. Deborah saw them walking across the lawn, arm-in-arm and nudged her daughter. Hannah’s face lit up at the sight of them, but Zach just groaned in the background. “Crap!” he exclaimed. “I can’t believe I was three weeks off!”
“So,” Deborah said when Lij and Jocelyn were comfortably seated at the table. “You two free for supper tonight?”