Chapter
Two
NeverMind © 2004
A week later, she knew it had been too long since she’d last traveled. She was irritated at everything – her parents, siblings, boss, coworkers, and not least of all Andy.
“Fuck it, Joce! What do you want from me?” he yelled.
“I don’t – I don’t know, okay? I’m just feeling claustrophobic lately.” She was pacing the room. She felt like a caged animal.
“Well, can you just sit down for a minute so we can talk? You’re making me nervous pacing around like that.”
“I don’t really know what there is to talk about. I need to go somewhere, anywhere. I have to get out of here.”
“Why? I don’t understand. What’s wrong with here?”
“Nothing. Everything. I just – I’m restless, that’s all.”
“Are you PMSing?”
“What? No! Why do you have to blame everything on that? Can’t I just be restless without you having to blame it on something?”
“No, you can’t. There has to be a reason. If it’s not PMS then there’s only one other thing it could be.”
“Don’t even go there, Andy.”
“Why not? You know it’s true. I can’t believe I have to compete with a fucking actor!”
Jocelyn was getting indignant. “You’re not competing with anybody!”
“Oh god, Joce. I’m not stupid. You talk to him every other day.”
“He’s my best friend, I think I’m entitled. If he were a girl…”
“You’re right. If he were a girl, I wouldn’t feel so threatened. But I do, okay? I’m not rich like he is. I can’t take you on trips around the world like he can. But I can give you security and roots.”
“And what if I don’t want those things?”
“Then maybe we shouldn’t be together.”
Jocelyn stared at him. She could hardly believe the words had come out of his mouth. Maybe he had more balls than she’d given him credit for. “Are you being serious?”
“Yes. No. Fuck it, I don’t know. I’m in love with you, but it’s obvious you’re not in love with me. I can’t be with someone who is only ever unhappy around me.”
“Andy, I…”
“Don’t, Joce. I don’t want to hear it. Keep the stuff I gave you. They were gifts. Just – just take care of yourself, okay?”
“So that’s it? You’ll let me go, just like that?”
“What else can I do?”
She stood there staring at him for a long time. Part of her wanted him to fight her. If he really loved her the way he said he did, he’d fight harder than this. He wouldn’t just give up. He wouldn’t just sit there looking defeated like that. How long had he been thinking about this, she wondered.
She walked over to him and knelt down in front of him. She’d give him one more chance. “Andy,” she said softly, lifting his head so he was looking in her eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” he said, then lowered his eyes. “Just go.”
Jocelyn stood, straightened her clothes, picked up her things and left. She felt like she was in a haze. She got home, went up to her room and logged on to the Internet to check her bank balances. She’d been saving up her tips for months and she wanted to know if it’d be enough. Sure enough, she had close to $1,000 sitting there. She quickly surfed airline websites for flights and found what she was looking for. Wow, she thought to herself, just like that we’ve broken up and I’ve booked a flight to LA. Is that normal? Was that all I was waiting for? God, I’m proving him right, aren’t I?
“You know what? I don’t care. I’ve been meaning to go to LA for years. I just have a good excuse now, that’s all.”
“What’s that, honey?” her mom, who had been walking by her room, asked.
“I’m moving to LA, mom.”
“You are? When did you decide this?”
“Years ago. But I just decided that now is the time.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Mom, I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.”
“What about your job?”
“I’ll give my two weeks tomorrow.”
“And Andy?”
“We just broke up.”
“Where will you stay?”
“With Elijah.”
“Does he know that?”
“Not yet. I want to surprise him.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“What’s he gonna do? Make me live on the street?”
“I should hope not!”
“Don’t worry about me, mom. I know what I’m doing.”
“Hmm. I’m not sure if I believe you. It’s expensive to live in LA.”
“I’ll manage.”
“What about us?”
“As if you’re not anxious to get rid of me. Besides, it’ll be a good excuse for you to visit LA.”
Her mom looked at her for a long time. “You’re determined.”
Jocelyn nodded. “You know I can’t stay here.”
Her mom just smiled. “I didn’t think there was gypsy in our blood, but I guess I was wrong.”
“All the mixing of the ethnicities probably created gypsy.”
“Let me at least call Debbie.”
“Okay.”
“I’m glad you broke me in early to this spontaneity thing.”
Jocelyn just laughed. “I learned from the best, mom!”