Chapter 3

It was 9:00 by the time Dom finally parked his car at Orlando’s. He’d driven back and forth between there and The Kiwi for three quarters of an hour, debating going back into the pub and just having it out with Nila. But he couldn’t. He had no idea if he was being delusional about the whole thing. She was sweet to all her customers – what made him think it was any different with him? But god, he could’ve sworn… No, he was probably just making things up. Alcohol, that’s what he needed, something to stop his brain from working so hard at this.

“Oi! Dom!” Orlando said when he’d come in the door. “There you are! I was starting to worry!” The two men embraced each other. “Did you get the part?”

“Of course I did! They couldn’t resist my charm!” Dom exclaimed, thankful for the distraction.

“Hey! That’s wonderful, man! Lij! Dom got the part! Break out the Crown Royal!”

Elijah came out of the kitchen with a bottle under his arm and three glasses in his hands. “Fuckin-A, man. I knew you’d get it.” He poured the drinks and they lifted a toast to each other.

Dom proceeded to get very drunk in a very short space of time. He was completely frustrated with himself and was trying to make himself feel better. It wasn’t really working. He associated drinking with Nila, so the more he drank, the more he thought about her.

Their mate Frankie showed up around 10:30 with three birds on his arm, and it didn’t take long before Dom allowed the redhead to seduce him into a snogging session in Sophia’s room.

“Ah soddin’ hell, Dominic! Get that out of me room you wanky bastard!” Sophia hollered when she found them there.

“Oi! If it isn't me favourite girl!” Dom slurred.

“It’s only quarter past eleven and you’re already completely blinkered ya git.” She shook her head as she dragged the protesting woman out of her room and shut the door after her. She let Dom stay.

He watched with a smug look on his face and didn’t even move to stop her. “I just got back from an audition where they gave me a part!” He announced as she pulled her jacket off.

“The villain role?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He nodded. “It’s an Italian independent film.”

“Good on ya,” she said with as much of a sincere smile as she could give her drunken friend.

He jumped up and spun her around with a whoop. “It's exactly what I wanted!” he said with a giggle.

After he put her down she tried to regain her balance as she pulled open the door to her room and pushed him out. “I’m going out for a bit Dom, and you will NOT be in my room when I get back.”

“Right!” he agreed with a weird salute then found the redhead again and continued snogging her in the hall.

“Orli!” Sophia shouted as she walked towards her cousin’s room a short time later.

“What!” He called back from the front room.

“I'm borrowing a shirt.”

It wasn’t until Sophia came back and stole his hat off his head that he realized exactly what he was doing. He pushed away from the redhead, whose name he hadn’t even bothered to find out, and followed Sophia down the hall. He wanted to apologize to her, but the redhead jumped on his back and he had to fight her off before he made it to the front hall. Elijah had already beaten him there.

“Aren’t you going to join the party?” Elijah asked Sophia, leaning against the doorframe with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

She shook her head; “This is not my scene.” She indicated the noise coming out of the front room. Dom slipped behind the wall to avoid being noticed.

“It’s not really mine either but I’m too drunk to care,” Lij said with a giggle.

She made to open the door then seemed to remember something. “Bloody hell,” she mumbled

He grinned at her. “It’s hot too.”

When she looked at him funny he continued, “Hell that is. It’s bloody and hot.”

“Funny.” Dom could see her rolling her eyes. “I forgot me soddin’ jacket in my room.”

He shrugged off the jean jacket his was wearing and handed it to her. “Wear this. I was hot anyway.”

“Cheers mate.”

He tapped the beer to his forehead and smiled, “Cheers.”

“Lij will you do something for me?” she asked as an afterthought.

“Sure,” he nodded

“Make sure Dom stays out of my room.”

He laughed, “Of course.”

“Damn,” Dom muttered to himself. “Too late for apologies, I guess. Now I have to convince Elijah to sweet talk her for me.” Had he known where she would end up that night, he might have persuaded Lij to sweet talk her then and there.

Sophia had called for a cab and asked him to bring her to a bar “with a minimal of soddin’ idiots.” She ended up at The Kiwi.

She managed to find a quaint corner of the bar and was surprised when a few seconds after she sat down there was a drink in front of her.

Looking up she was even more surprised to see a woman bartender, her age or not much older, smiling at her.

“I have a feeling you’ll like it,” Nila indicated the drink.

“I’ll try almost anything once,” Sophia said with a shrug.

“You sound like someone I know.” She raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you the cousin then?”

The glass was to her lips and she’d almost tasted the drink. “I’m sorry, what?” Sophia looked at her funny.

Nila laughed. “A very good patron of mine says that, except the funny thing is he only drinks one brand of beer...” she trailed off.

“…until recently,” they said in unison.

Sophia put the glass down and stared at Nila intently. “Just how do you know my cousin?”

She winked. “You’re Sophia then?”

Sophia nodded. “Who are you?”

“Nila Simon at your service.” She extended her hand. “I own this bar. Your cousin and his rowdy mates frequent it from time to time.”

She accepted the gesture with a bit of reluctance. “I was trying to get away from them tonight,” she groaned and downed the whole drink in a gulp.

“The party get a bit much for you?” she asked as she flipped some bottles around making drinks for other patrons at the bar.

“He rarely has them.” Sophia seemed to accept the fact that Nila seemed to know everything. “Whatever that drink was I want another.” She tapped the empty glass.

“Coming right up.” Nila said with a laugh. “Aren’t you usually right in there when he does though?”

“On most occasions yes, but I just got off a long ass week and was looking for some peace and quiet. Instead I find Dom snogging some bird in MY room…” she trailed off. “Is everything all right?” she asked, seeing Nila visibly flinch for a mere second and let a glass slip.

She nodded, regaining her composure. “Fine. That must have been shocking yeah?”

“That really wasn’t the problem.” she mumbled.

“What was then?” Nila prodded.

“You’ve got company down the end of the bar.” Sophia tried to change the subject.

She put a full glass in front of her and smiled. “You see the depth behind the eyes don't you?”

Sophia just grabbed the glass from her and glared. “I don't need anybody reading me soddin’ horoscope thank you.”

Nila decided to leave Sophia well enough alone for the time being. She knew she’d hit a nerve and didn’t want the woman hating her for probing. That and she was afraid she might push her about Dom too. She was more than a little disconcerted by the tidbit about him making out with some woman. That did it then, she was living in a dream world. He was only being sweet to her because she was nice to him – that’s all there was to it. She shouldn’t have romanticized it as much as she had. She sighed to herself and resolved to forget about the whole thing.

“Hi Nila,” a young, obviously inebriated man said to her.

“Hi Chad.”

“Who’s that at the end of the bar?” he asked.

“Why not find out for yourself?”

“Maybe I will. What is she drinking? Can you pour her one and put it on my tab?”

“No tab, love. Pay up front.”

“But Nila…”

“Don’t you ‘but Nila’ me. I know what you’re like when you’re pissed.”

“Fine.” He dug around in his pocket and put a bunch of crumpled bills on the counter. Then he went and sat next to Sophia.

Nila would have rescued her sooner, but it got really busy just then. She just caught the end of the conversation between Chad and Sophia.

“...so after I met the Sugarbabes I thought for sure that our band would get signed. I guess it took an almost chance encounter with Robbie Williams before I realized we had to…” Nila knew for a fact that he’d probably been rambling on about the same thing for the last hour or so.

“Listen, Carl is it?” Sophia said, obviously annoyed.

“Chad.” He flashed her a perfect white teeth smile.

“Whatever. This is fascinating but…”

“Have you seen Lord of the Rings Sophia?”

Nila chuckled to herself. Here we go, she thought.

“This tree you're barking up Cameron, it’s...”

“Chad.”

“Whatever. It’s the wrong tree so if you’d...”

“If you've seen LOTR you look exactly like an elf. Perfect features.” Nila had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing out loud. He did not just say that did he? She saw Sophia’s jaw set in a hard line and she knew the next exchange would be brilliant.

She took his hand. “Thank you Craig.”

“Chad.”

“Whatever. Elfness actually runs in my family.”

Finally he’s speechless and looking at her funny. “I'm sorry?”

She dropped his hand. “It runs in my family, pretty boy – elfness. In fact my flat right now is overrun by an elf and some hobbits. I’m not at my flat so I hope that you can guess that if I REALLY wanted a run down of celebrities and who they run into I’d be there, at my flat, talking to actual celebs about it. Now if you please, I’d like to enjoy my drink in private, so you’re going to have to find a different bird to brag about shagging a Kerry McFadden lookalike because I’m not interested.” She turned her head and concentrated hard on her empty drink.

Nila replaced the glass by a bottle of water. “I think she made it quite clear she's finished with this conversation, Chad.”

“Sorry Nila,” he muttered and finally left.

“Where were you over the last hour?” Sophia muttered taking a long drink of her water. “And why did you take away my booze?”

Nila laughed and leaned forward on the bar. “I was working and now I’m closing, love. I don’t serve after I close.”

Sophia looked around her and saw that the bar was emptying. “Fuck,” she muttered, “I’m pathetic.”

Laughing Nila shook her head. “You’re not pathetic, Sophia, just infatuated. He is rather wonderful.”

“How come you aren’t captivated by him then? Oh wait, probably because you want a piece of me cuz right?”

This time Nila couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “He’s a sweetheart and has solely been the reason I’ve hired four more bouncers, but no, alas, I am not after him, Sophia. You can relax.”

“So how do you know I’m not pathetic?”

She took the water from her, took a drink herself then leaned across the bar. “If you were pathetic, you’d be at home following his blueness around like he hung the bloody moon. The fact that you are here drinking alone means you aren’t pathetic. I'd say more frightened.”

“Speaking of frightened, why aren’t you going after the one you want?”

“Whatever do you mean?” She tried to sound coy but knew she’d hit the nail on the head, so to speak.

“Practice what you preach love.” Sophia stood up and almost lost her balance. “What are you going to do about your fear?”

Nila just chuckled and motioned with a finger to a bouncer. “Get her a cab Luke.” She came round the bar and put an arm around Sophia. “Go home and face yours first, Sophia, then we'll talk about mine.”

“Is that a promise?”

“That's a guarantee.”

Dom and Elijah had collided into each other in the hall after Sophia left. They both hit the floor and started laughing uncontrollably. They tried to help each other up, but the alcohol and laughter prevented their success, so they gave up and just sat there.

“Can I ask you something, Elwood?” Dom said.

“Anything, man.”

“Does Sophia ever act weird around you?”

“What do you mean, weird?” Lij asked.

“You know, weird.”

Lij thought about it. “That’s a heavy question, man. I might be too drunk to answer it.”

“No, come on, it’s not that hard. Does she ever, you know, act all sweet one minute and then completely avoid you the next?”

“Don’t all girls do that?”

“Hell if I know. The only girls we’ve been around for the last five years have not stopped screaming long enough for me to figure that out.”

“You know, it’s funny, I totally used to fantasize about that. Now it’s like a fucking nightmare.”

The two busted out laughing again.

“No, but seriously, man,” Dom tried again between sobs of laughter. “Do you like her?”

“Sure, she’s cool.”

“No, I mean, could you date her?”

“Not if I value my life,” Lij said.

“What do you mean?”

“Orli already threatened me – told me he’d have my nuts for dinner if I even tried.”

Dom made a face. “That’s fucking gross.”

“Maybe, but I believe him. He’s damn protective of that girl.”

“That’s too bad.”

“Tell me about it. I can’t tell you how close I’ve been to kissing her a few times.”

“Really?”

“Hell yeah. God, those lips…” he leaned back against the wall with a sigh.

“So you just want to snog her then?” Dom asked.

“Yeah, well, no – I mean, she’s awesome. She’s not like most girls, you know? I can talk to her about pretty much anything. I don’t think she likes me, though.”

“Why not?”

Lij shrugged. “She hasn’t jumped me yet.”

Dom fell over laughing again. “That’s not how you tell if a girl likes you!”

“It’s not? Well, what the hell?” Lij said, starting to laugh himself.

“God, I hate women,” Dom said when he finally stopped laughing.

“I don’t. I really, really like them a lot,” Lij said.

“Yeah, me too, but they just frustrate the hell out of me.”

“Well, that’s good. You don’t want any hell in you.”

“True enough. I just wish they were, I don’t know, easier to figure out.”

“Keep wishing.”

“You know what else I wish?”

“What’s that?”

“I wish I had some more alcohol.”

“That we can fix,” Lij said, struggling to get up. He managed to get upright and then stumbled down the hall to the kitchen. “Orlando!” he yelled suddenly.

“What!?” Orlando yelled back from the front room.

“Why is the rum gone?”

Orlando rolled his eyes and bolted to the kitchen where he proceeded to beat mercilessly on his friend.

Return to Relative Nonsense Chapter Four