7/21/03
Last summer... Last summer rings in my mind. The memories that will never fade. Remembering how things were, how things felt when I thought about them. Floater... Floater will always remind me of Raychl... spending the night at her house... burning like sparrows in frost... Jon showing up at the front door... laughing and drinking dew by the ally by Safeway... the stories told... the concert attended... tickling Tim before the show... crush forming with Jon... riding in the back of Jason's truck... the cold wind... Jason speeding down the street... the Floater concert... Floater songs... alcoholic... wine and winey friends... pain and pain killers... new friends and new depression... trapped... last summer... hanging out with Raychl... I wish I had a dislocated jaw!... parties... birthday parties... hiding in the bush... hey Nathan! Where do you grow your marijuana?!... you don't yell that across the yard... REAL Bazooka gum???!... movies... Star Wars... credits are the best part... sitting with Jon... talking to Jon... Mike... disappointment... that long walk home... first time I heard Floater... sneaking to Jason's in the middle of the night... lying on the sidewalk starring at the stars... the stars... always starring at the stars... the stars from last summer... last summer... the end of last summer... first day of school... throwing pillows at the passers by... Chris would make a good Angel... but who would be Collins?... Jon!... Jon... tickle fights... being planted into the ground... many crushes... football games... marching band... tickle wars... the theater... tuesday nights... Sponge Bob!... what�s wrong with the survive here?!?!... first boyfriend... first kiss... second rejection... Jon... conversations with Jon... I'm fine... you know what fine means... wanting someone to be close to... wanting Jon... Jon's arms around me... thoughts of suicide... actions thrice taken... disappointment... yet I would give anything to go back to it... October... meeting new people... making new friends... evil twin... still best friends... rules to be broken because of promises made during summer... too many crushes at once... September... no first period... hanging out with Will and Tim... Tim climbing the wall... the black mark his shoes made... wanting to be around him... things I never said, things I wish I'd said... Stage Door... all night light meeting... Ellen rolling on the floor... holding Jon's chains... wearing Jon's jacket... wanting to be with him... having fallen asleep on the couch... the night he told me he liked me... sitting outside talking to him... being in his arms... both of us not wanting to let go... regrets of not kissing him... remembering when I first met him... Jon, Raychl's friend, one of the guys she liked... remembering siting by him on the stools... remembering having been nervous... I only wished I could have been as good of friends with him that he was with Raychl... becoming Jon's friend... the day he offered me a ride... the day he made me sit down the hall... he would stop and ask me how I was... he wanted to talk to me... he was interested in me... he cared about me... becoming friends with Jon... becoming accepted... making new friends... pokey hair... beat down stick... Pixi... Subway... teaser day... in the morning... dating Buzby... in love with Jon... sitting in the theater... dim lights... loud music... set construction... dude, put your arm around her and make her feel better or something... Buzby stealing the picture of me... first kiss... all of this no more than a year ago... Raychl's house... always riding over to Raychl's house... long bike rides... house arrest... math... Mr. Hellwegie... free forth... matched secludes... Darie Queen... hide and go seak... best hiding place... hanging out with Raychl, listening to Floater... listening to Rent... Rent... Maureen... Hey mister, she's my sister!... Brothers!... to marijuana!... sex, drugs, and alcohol!... rules to be broken... planning to be done... so many memories I�ve lost over time... so many wishes to return to all of them...
Last summer is that fine line between reality and dream...
At This Moment My Mind Escapes Me
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