Today doesn't feel real. Saturday doesn't seem real to me. I ran into Danny today. Holy hell, that made me feel better. He gave me his number and told me to call if I wanted to hang out. That's cool.

I know me and Ryan will probably still be friends, but I don't want to be just his friend. I liked dating him. I liked curling up in his arms. I liked waking up to him in the morning. Being around him made me feel so happy.

I'm not crying as much. Probably because I don't feel real today. But when I'm telling someone what happened, when I'm talking about it, it makes it so real that I can't handle the pain. I want this to stop hurting.

At least he's going to be out of town for the next few weeks. No accident run-ins to make me feel like I've fallen down a pit.

Ellen and Mere are on their way to pick me up soon. I sent El a message last night, so she called today; asked if I wanted to do something tonight. I'm just glad I have a couple friends who will be there for me when I'm at my lowest. It's a good feeing. However, I still want Ryan.