On Wednesday I made the decision to quit smoking. On Thursday at noon I had my last cigarette. After about 8 hours was when I started to break down. Any one who has never smoked a day in their life, never had any type of addiction at all, can't possibily understand the pain of trying to give up a drug you enjoy. It's hard.

I went and saw Spiderman with boyfriend and a bunch of his friends and it was great. I got home around 3 am and went to talk to room mate. I started crying and I couldn't stop. I'm not even completely sure why I started, but I couldn't stop. He was doing a great job of comforting me, but then he gave up and he said something that made me feel so worthless. I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't breathe. I didn't fall asleep till around 6 am.

I woke up this morning and just didn't care. I didn't go to class. I didn't do anything. I didn't care. I just couldn't stop crying. That was when I decided quitting smoking when I'm trying so hard to commit myself to school isn't very possible for me. Yeah, if I tried hard enough I could do it. But I don't have the energy for it. I need to get through this term first.

So, June 13th is my quit date. It's the day after all my finals are over so if I break down and don't do anything, it's ok because there won't be anything pressing for me to be doing at the moment. I need to commit to quitting when it won't distract me from the important stuff. I want to do this, just not yet. And I will do. I will. On June 13th.