6/27/03
All my thoughts are lost, all my thoughts are nothing. I become lost as my thoughts lose me, I am lost in all memories. The past surrounds me from every side. September, October, November, I am reminded from one glance into the stars. So much has taken place, how much is left to happen? The past takes control of my thoughts and the stars bear witness. What is this I am stuck in? What is this confusion that spins me? Why are the stars laughing? My past laughs in my face. All these memories seem like a distant dream, a dream that I had long, long ago. Why will this nightmare never end? Why do the stars haunt me even when Sun's light hides them?
All my thoughts are lost, and for a moment I find what happiness feels like. My mind is drifting in the clouds, no longer thinking of the present issues. Instead I think of nothing. For some slight moments, happiness greets me and there is nothing more to life than to watch the past fly by. My mind floats out the open window and I wave as I watch it disappear. Blankly, I stair at all the life that passes me by, not knowing what it is. This absent-minded life robs me of all my thoughts. I stair at the sun and believe it is night for I no longer know the difference. I live in solitude as I no longer see the people I once knew. All my thoughts have passed me by.
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