| Chapter Twenty-Seven A week later, Howie and the guys were finishing up an interview, when the last question was posed. �I know you all get asked this a lot, but our readers really want to know. Besides Kevin and Brian, are the rest of you attached,� the interviewer asked. Nick laughed as he rolled his eyes. It wouldn�t be an interview without that question, he thought as he listened to AJ answer. �Nick what about you?� �Nope, I�m not attached. I�ve been single for a while now and I�m enjoying every minute of it,� he said playfully. �Howie, we�ve heard that you�ve been seeing a special lady. Is there any truth to the rumor,� the woman asked. �How do those rumors get started,� he joked. �Everyone knows I�m married to my business,� he answered as he avoided the looks from the others. �Well I�m not sure how it got started, but the rumor states that she was someone you went to high school with and that things were getting pretty serious,� the woman persisted. Howie forced a chuckle past his lips, while inside he was seething. The last thing he needed was to be reminded of Kat, but he forced himself to answer politely. �Honestly, I�m not, nor have I been seeing anyone.� When the woman had thanked them for their time, collected her things and left, Brian just looked at Howie and shook his head sadly, but kept quiet. They had agreed not to push Howie and he wasn�t going to be the one to start. He didn�t want to be the one to break the tenuous peace that they had lived under the last few days. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ After leaving the interview, Howie headed back to his room. As he stepped off the elevator, he felt his anger and a sense of helplessness overwhelm him. He stalked to his room and unlocked the door with a vicious swipe of the card key. Don�t slam the door; don�t slam the door, he chanted silently, before doing exactly that. The sound reverberated off the walls in the room, but it didn�t make him feel any better. The anger he could deal with. It was the helpless feeling that threatened to drag him under. Things like that just don�t happen to men, he thought as he paced furiously around the room. Women don�t drug men and intend to� to� to have their way with them. His thoughts stuttered and he let out a disgusted grunt. I can�t even say the word. She was going to� Say it Howie, just say it, he silently coached himself. He tried, he really did, but no amount of self-coaching could get the word to enter his mind, let alone past his lips. A shuddered racked his body and he sank into the nearest sofa cushion as sobs of despair shook his shoulders. �Why me? What did I ever do to her to make her want to do this to me,� he cried aloud. He curled up on the sofa as tears flowed freely from his eyes and his body shook again as the reality of the situation and his actions began to sink in. He�d been drugged, nearly raped and as a result of that had tried pushing his friends out of his life and succeeded in pushing the only woman he had ever loved out of his life. It was his fault, all his fault, he thought as the tears continued to pour down his face and fall onto the arm of the sofa. A loud banging on the door brought him upright and he swiped his eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears, before opening the door. He wasn�t all that surprised to see AJ standing there, but he was shocked when his best friend pulled him into a fierce embrace. AJ closed the door with his foot as he tightened his hold on Howie. It tore him up inside to see Howie like this. After a moment, AJ led Howie to the sofa and sat them down, his arm still around Howie. �I�m not going anywhere,� he stated. Hearing the compassion and worry in AJ�s voice sent Howie into another fit of tears. He tried hard to stop them, to hold them in, but it was no use. He had finally reached his breaking point and there was no controlling the emotions that were tearing through him. �Just let it out D,� AJ encouraged as he pulled his friend into his arms. He held on as Howie continued to cry, and he felt a shuddered rip through him as the torrent of tears running down Howie�s face increased. He whispered words of encouragement to his friend and rubbed his back and eventually the tears began to abate. �I�ve made such a mess of things,� Howie whispered, his throat raw from all the tears. �It�s not that bad,� AJ stated. �It is. I�ve been horrible to you and the guys, I�ve refused to see my family and worst of all I pushed the woman I love out of my life all because I couldn�t deal with what Sasha tried to do to me,� Howie retorted, loads of self-recrimination pouring from his words. �You�re right D, you have done all that, but it�s not hopeless. A few sincere words of apology will take care of it,� AJ said. �For you, the guys and my family, maybe, but not for Kat. I told her I didn�t want her in my life anymore. I told her to leave. I pushed and pushed and pushed until she left. She won�t forgive me for that.� �You have no idea how wrong you are,� AJ replied. �What do you mean?� �Before she left, I found her in the hallway. She was understandably upset, so I took her to my room. We talked and I helped her get a flight home. The last thing she said to me was �Promise me you�ll watch out for him�. She loves you. She always has, and even though you did her wrong, she always will. A love like that is strong enough to forgive anything,� AJ stated, as he watched his friends face for reaction. �But I was so hateful. All she wanted to do was be there for me and I wouldn�t let her. I felt so dirty and I couldn�t help thinking that if I touched her, she would get dirty too. I couldn�t let her feel the way I did. I didn�t want her to think that I was dirty,� Howie�s voice choked at the end and AJ silently prayed for understanding and wisdom. Never in his life had he dealt with something like this, even his battles with addiction and the feelings he had then, didn�t come close to what he knew Howie was feeling now. �It�s all my fault,� Howie whispered. �What? Howie it�s not your fault,� AJ stated adamantly. �No, it is my fault. Remember when Kat caught Sasha at my house and she ran? I told Sasha to leave and never come back. I heard her say something like, �It�s not over yet,� before she left. I should�ve known.� �You couldn�t have known that she would do this. You�re not dirty Howie. You did nothing wrong. Sasha is dirty, not you. She�s the one who committed a grievous wrong. You have nothing to feel ashamed over. You didn�t ask for any of this to happen, you told Sasha repeatedly to leave you alone. You are not dirty,� AJ repeated as he pulled his friend into another hug. The two friends sat for a long while, just holding onto each other as they cried. Howie pulled back and wiped away the tears on his face. �Will you go get the guys? I need to talk to them,� Howie requested. �I�ll be right back,� AJ promised. While AJ was gone, Howie splashed cold water on his face and dried off. He couldn�t explain it as he looked at his reflection, but he felt somewhat lighter. He knew apologizing to the guys was going to be hard, but he needed, no he wanted to do it. He had to start making things right in his life again. His thoughts traveled to Kat and his eyes dimmed slightly. He had hurt her so badly. He could only pray that she really did love him enough to forgive him. And that in forgiving him, there would still be a place in her life for him. He heard the knock and sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it out. It was time to start making things right, he thought as he crossed the room and opened the door. AJ shot him an encouraging smile as he entered in front of the guys and took a seat on the sofa. When everyone was seated, Howie looked each of them in the eyes and offered a friendly smile. �I�m glad you�re all here. I want you all to know that I�m sorry for everything I�ve put you through. You wereright, I was pushing everyone away,� he said, his eyes on Brian. �I couldn�t deal with everything and I took it out on the people I was closest too. I hope you can forgive me,� he stated, his heart beating ninety miles a minute. Brian stood and went to Howie, wrapping him in a brotherly hug. �All�s forgiven,� he said, as he added a little squeeze to the hug to let Howie know he meant it. The other guys followed suit and Howie felt another piece of his burden fall away. �Are you going to call Kat,� Brian couldn�t help but ask. �No, I�m not going to call her,� he paused, smiling at the guys before continuing. �This is to important to do over the phone. We have a couple of free days coming up and I�m going to fly into Cincinnati to see her. I�ve hurt her and she deserves to hear my apology face-to-face. I�m not going to say I�m not afraid, because I am. I know there is a possibility that she won�t want me in her life, but I�ve got to do this right. I have to try,� he stated, looking a little lost and unsure of himself. �I don�t think you�ll have any problems there,� Kevin said, giving what encouragement he could. �Still, I�m not getting my hopes up. I have a lot to make up for and it�s not going to be easy. I honestly won�t be surprised if she slams the door in my face.� �Five bucks, says she�s so happy to see you that she�ll hear you out and she�ll take you back without any hesitation,� AJ challenged, hoping to elicit a smile from his friend. Howie smiled, feeling hopeful and lighthearted. �I�m not betting against my chances,� he stated with the first real smile the guys had seen in days. Reunion Index Next Chapter Main Page |