| Chapter Nineteen The days that followed our conversation by the pool were peaceful for me, well as peaceful as they could be with Kevin in the house. Every time I turned around he was there. In the mornings, when I came down for breakfast I would find him at the kitchen table talking with my sisters or Frieda the cook. Lunch and dinner were repeats of breakfast. He�d be there talking and laughing, his gorgeous green eyes flashing with mirth, but underneath, his eyes held a message for me alone, telling me that he hadn�t given up. He never brought up the subject of marriage, but it was there between us, taunting me every time I took a chance to meet his eyes. On the occasions that I�d take a swim or a long walk, he would show up and invite himself to my company. Part of me didn�t mind. It was another opportunity to learn more about each other, our conversations were mostly about our childhoods and our families, but there was still a part of me that was wary, always afraid of that subject being brought to the surface again. And as hard as I fought my feelings for him I could feel them growing more and more each day. I hated myself for those feelings, knowing he�d never return them, but my self-hatred didn�t stop the more tender feelings from growing. On the day of my next doctor�s appointment, Kevin came to my room and knocked on the door. Expecting to see my sister, I pulled open the door and stopped. Trying to calm my racing pulse I gripped the door and took a deep breath. �Hi,� I said, amazed to hear how steady my voice was. �Good morning,� he returned and waited for me to invite him in. I wasn�t sure it was the smartest thing I could do. It was a new form of intimacy, for he�d never been in my room before. Not knowing what else to do, I stepped back and said, �Come in.� An awkward moment passed while I watched him look around my room. Before I could speak to ask why he had come he said, �I wanted to know if I could go with you to the doctor�s this afternoon?� I was stunned to say the least. Other than the night by the pool, we�d steered clear of anything to do with the baby. Helplessly I shrugged. �I guess so.� �Great,� he said with a smile. �I thought maybe afterwards we could get a bite to eat, maybe do a little shopping. I�d like to help with the baby�s things.� �Kevin, I told you I don�t need your money, I don�t even want it,� I saw his mouth begin to move and I held up my hand. �As far as to grabbing a bite to eat, I�d like that. But I don�t want you spending any money. Okay?� I could see he wanted to argue, but suddenly he seemed to relax. �Dinner it is,� he said and I realized I felt uncomfortable. He hadn�t agreed not to spend any money, but I found I just didn�t feel like arguing my point. �What time do we need to leave?� �My appointment is at two, so we�ll need to leave around one-thirty,� I answered. �Okay then. I�ll see you then.� He turned and walked out of my room and I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew nothing had been settled, but at least we were still on speaking terms. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Later that afternoon, we drove into town to see the doctor. I could tell Kevin was nervous and something inside of me softened towards him. Until that moment, I hadn�t really thought about how the baby would affect his life or his career. I also knew the longer we spent together, the more real the baby became to him. Like my sister had said, I�d had months to get used to the changes in my life, but Kevin had weeks to come to terms with the baby and all that having a child would mean. I reached out my hand and placed it over his. �It�s scary isn�t it?� He looked at my hand covering his and then at me before asking, �What�s scary?� �Parenthood,� I answered with a soft smile. �Oh yeah,� he said as he released a tension-filled breath. �Don�t worry about it so much. Everything will be okay. Before long we�ll both wonder why we ever felt this way,� I said as I patted his hand and withdrew. �You feel like this too?� he asked in awe. �If you mean scared, jittery, elated and wonderful all at the same time, then yeah I do.� He flashed a smile my way and then turned into the doctor�s parking lot. �Ready?� �Yeah. Today should just be routine. I don�t anticipate any problems,� I said as I lead the way inside. CCC Index Chapter Twenty Main Page |