A WASTE OF
JUNE 27-28, 2003
Right now I�m just sitting here...not doing much of anything.
Feeling complementary feelings of boredom, some sleepiness, and slight grief.
Thoughts constantly running through my mind sprinkled with grains of negativity.
At this point, I�m just feeling like a waste of space. I�m not up to anything important, I am not productive, and I feel like nothing�s worth it right now. That feeling comes quite often. I�m no stranger to it. I was just thinking about how funny it is that other people that know me would think I am someone who is mostly content with everything. These days, I�m so good at putting on that front. Usually, there wouldn�t be much wrong with me, but in one way or another negativity can sneak up on me. I wouldn�t let it show though. Besides, I don�t want anyone to feel down in the slightest way because of me. Right now, as I�m ranting on and on about something which really has no meaning, I�m wondering why I am saying all of these things. I have no concrete reason. I was just sitting here really bored, and I don�t have the happiest of thoughts right now. However, I�m not feeling really sad or anything like that. I�m just a little down for no particular reason, that�s all. See, now I�m thinking about how I once had so much more to say, but now I don�t. I�m not very good at having coherent notions transcribed into words. I have so much to say all the time, but I never fully find the right ways to say anything.
The television is on right now...muted.
I�m on the internet, yet I�m not using much of it.
Thinking of going to bed soon since I don�t have much else to do.
I would be talking to any of my favorite fools online, but I�d be wasting their time with empty conversations�so it�s best I not make my presence known and holla at them.
This is what I go through on many nights�having the feeling of wanting to do more, but not finding the ways to satisfy that. Just wasting time at this point...one of the few things that I do best.
I don�t know what more to say, so this shall soon come to a close. And to think, this could have all went somewhere to conjure up a valid point. Maybe some of this will be elaborated better if I decide to clearly transcribe my emotions at a time when most needed. But, right now. I�m just running out of words�or am I really? I�m still thinking about stuff I could say, but I just can�t seem to put them down. Oh well. As it stands, all of these words were just a waste of space. Hey�maybe that was my point. Ha! I just concluded this!