ENJOYING SIMPLE THINGS...FOR COMPLICATED REASONS?

APRIL 20, 2003

(Recalling events from a previous day...and the thoughts that ran through my head.)

 

It is a nice Saturday afternoon in the spring season. The weather highlights its certain beauty with the wind whispering through nature. The sun illuminates the lush grass and various trees all around. There is a peaceful feeling when being outside at this time. All of nature�s grace shines through just as the sun does. This is definitely not a time to stay confined in a habitat, so being out here is a sort of refreshment. Strolling down and creating my own paths are what I do best.

 

Looking around, I see all that constitutes everything carefree. The sight of children enjoying themselves at a playground is always a visual treat. This allows me to remember all the times I have enjoyed myself in open spaces and fun spots anywhere. Walking through neighborhoods and seeing all types of people make use of their living spaces, whether it is their homes or yards, for various recreational purposes remind me of how I once was a major part of that life. Coming into populated communities and seeing all individuals meshing yet maintaining their own distinctiveness have symbolic meaning that applies to me. I am one of them, but I am not one with them. I travel alone and see all. In some cases, I blend with my surroundings. In other cases, I stand out as an entity. I am not one that usually has some sort of companion with me. Maybe that is why I go to see these things: to remind myself that I could belong in one way or another.

 

I look for things that bring me delight and give a lasting impression. I can find those aspects in the simplest things. All that I have previously described are relevant to what I am looking for. I see myself in the playful kids and want to play along with them. I desire to mingle sometimes with neighborhood people. I wish to be an integral part of the engaged population. I could do all of that if I truly wanted to. However, I shut myself out due to the fear of no admittance or acceptance.

 

Where does all of this lead? I am not quite sure. What started as some kind of idea as I was lingering outside turned into something of jumbled mess. At least, that is how I see it. My idea was to gather thoughts of how I enjoy the simple things in life. This came to me after I spent a little time in a public library. See, I have not been in a city�s public library in quite sometime. During the many times I have walked by the place, I had a slight desire to go inside, but I never did. On this beautiful Saturday afternoon, around fifteen minutes into the fourth hour, I decided to step in as a way of reminding myself and throwing a kink into my familiar routine. Once I was inside, I was somewhat elated. It was a nicely crafted place. Artwork of fish and people painted on the walls and cutouts of jolly people hanging down the ceiling in the children�s section tickled my visual senses. Snooping around and seeing all the books and videos around the place somehow reminded me that this is what a library is like. Of course, I already knew that, but I did not have the familiar image to accompany that knowledge. I enjoyed myself for the approximately forty-something minutes that I was in there. I stepped out minutes from the library�s closing time. Then, I just looked back at the building from outside. I guess I had the thought that something like this was simple. Now, I am thinking to myself that what I just said was somehow weird. Yet, that is what I am�weird.

 

I do not involve myself in so much, and my reasoning is complicated. I do not truly know what my interpretations are, but I know that whatever they are must be tangled into my mind and difficult to express. So many times, I sit around and think about how much I want to talk with someone in an intimate setting, one on one. I want to know how that someone thinks and feels. I do not get that opportunity often enough. Whenever I do get that chance, it is nice engaging into such. However, I do not involve myself enough as I could. Why is that? It is not often that I get to do something like that, so I do not know exactly how to take full advantage. I do not talk a lot, but I seem to have so much to say. I think I know what I am talking about, but I cannot express myself clearly. In other words, I complicate myself. Everything about me is a major complication. I guess that is why I look for simple things. They provide temporary escapism to the difficult complexities that my life has become. I hope that last sentence did not sound very dramatic, as I know that I might not have it as bad as someone else might. Yet, I do wish that everything could and would get better with time. Until then, I will enjoy the simple pleasantries whenever I can. In the end, while the experience is always wonderful on my own, sometimes I would benefit even more if a companion would enjoy them with me.