A WASTED DEDICATION FOR YOU

NOVEMBER 10, 2002

Well, well, well...look who it is

The person with a supposed important title

The one that is of immediate relation

The person that was supposed to take care of me

Yet, the one who allowed myself to just let me be

Yes, I am pointing fingers your way

Because I am talking about you

You are the one that is responsible for this

And for that I hold much contempt

Why am I expressing all of this?

For what reason do I feel this way?

Well, I don�t know

How about you tell me?

You probably don�t know either

Whether you did or not, I would care about neither

 

Thinking back, I can only visualize

You were a thorn in an otherwise rosy childhood

You didn�t fulfill your responsibilities like you should

Started off as promising, yet ended as undelivering

That is what you turned out to be

Didn�t bring as much happiness as you should have

Instead, it was hardhearted mass confusion

Sure, I can easily blame your actions

However, I know what�s up with you

Still, you are in much control

Everything you have done has taken its toll

 

Back in the day, you tried to do your thing

I clearly remember that

Tried to teach me things and stand up for me

Gave me abilities so that I could be

All that was good in a person

To this day, I wonder why the change?

You know, I never highly speak of you anymore

I don�t even refer you by your name like I once did

And I definitely don�t know you by your lost title

It is such a shame, isn�t it?

 

Now, I doubt how much of a man I can be thanks to you

I live in fear constantly that I would end up just like you

No matter how hard I try to prove otherwise

I see instances of you in me, both good and bad

Unfortunately, the positive does not outweigh the negative

I resent the fact that I am a descendant of you

Yet, it hurts for me to think like that too

 

I have seen what you have put your significant other through

And the consequences that have come from that

Now you do not know how to deal with it

While it has been over long ago

You still want to hang on in some kind of way

Having the reliance of nearly everything being done for you

Do you need that kind of help day by day?

Are you that ridiculous?

Obviously, the answer is affirmative

Otherwise, you would not have to rely on the strained dependency

Being your only source of getting by

Even when you can do all that is capable

Such a sad case you are

Qualified for one of the worst by far

 

You know, it is quite funny

These days it seems as if you are trying to rectify

A few of the wrongs you�ve caused

I am baffled as to know why

Is it now that you have realized that you truly messed up?

Fine time to come to the realization

After too much of the damage has been done

You can never tell me that you have tried with all your might

To fulfill your role and take care of your matters right

Because of you, I have turned out the way I did

Troubled over the fact that I am some sort of your representation

No matter how far I stray from your presence

I cannot detach myself from you

Hate could be the feelings that I convey

Then again, I never want to truly say

 

I doubt I even want to think about you

With all that you have done

Things that you have caused

Maybe you cannot totally help yourself

But I in no way give you the benefit of the doubt

As a person, you don�t represent the best

As far as authority, you have definitely failed the test

Thank you for nothing as that is what you symbolize

At the very least through this hurtful soul�s eyes

I dedicate this to you after all that is said and done

For these words are most suitable, you are the only one

And for the rest of my life, this is what holds true

I will be a regretful reflection of the person that is you

 

ADDITIONAL COMMENTARY:

This poem (if it can be called that) is the expression of highly personal feelings when a child is let down by the parent who has not been so fulfilling. This is mostly a free verse composition with instances of rhyming thrown in. This piece was done within the span of approximately a week, but I believe the idea for this piece has been in my head for slightly longer. I think it was on a Friday that I started conceptualizing about this before actually conceiving the poem. I was walking at night as I always do on Fridays, and ideas popped into my head. Thus, I started to do this shortly after. The only drawback is that I recall having some really good things in my head at that time that I know isn�t documented here since I did not write my ideas down or fully develop them right at that very moment. I tried to remember what they were, but I didn�t fully recollect. Looking back at what I did create though, I suppose that it is an accurate piece that puts what I was looking for into words. In conclusion, this poem is the crafting of the emotions directed at a father...from his son. That is all that can be said.