John: I know what your thinking. You are thinking, 'John what are you doing'? Well that rat bastard McTanner wants to mess with my man Dragon for being Chinese? Well get this, I am mailing Mr. McTanner an ass load of Irish things. See how he likes that, you red-neck, kilt- wearing, non-underwear-wearing sheep-raper. Huh? Huh? You like that?
(A slight of glint madness runs through Johns eyes as he picks up a four leaf clover.)
John: Lets see here; I have four leaf clove for ya. Some Irish coffee a bag of potatoes, and a brand new kilt.
(The kilt John is holding up is a short plaid school girl's skirt.)
John: I also have an inflatable rubber sheep here for ya. Dont worry, it has real wool on it for ya and heavy-duty rubber. Oh, and it smells like whiskey...should make ya happy. Oh ya, and a log.
(At this point in time, a beautiful blond walks in the room and she walks up to John to see what he is doing. Once there she rolls her eyes in disgust.)
Woman: Oh my God, John you are obsesed with getting McTanner back. You have been ploting this for the last day. This is crazy, stop it right now, do not send that box. McTanner isn't the nicest guy, he is the revenge type, and will get you back for this. If I wasn't your wife I would leave you right now.
John: Shush Sarah, I am doing something here. I need to find a way to make all this stuff fit in the box. Oh ya, and this world's best trainer T-shirt with my name on the back. That should get his goat er sheep. Whatever it is those Scottish people get.
Sarah: Damn it John, he is Irish, and the log toss is the Scottish games not Irish. I won't even go in on the whole sheep thing. That is not even a kilt John, it's a school girl's uniform. Where did you get it?
John: Scotish, Irish, they are both -ish and only a small amount of water seperates them...they are the same people. You cannot deny that. I got the kilt from the big girls shopping place, you know the one down in the mall, the one that has all the super fat chicks in it. Ya, I got one that will fit McTanner, isn't it great?
Sarah: John, it isn't a kilt, get that through your head.
John Oh ya, that fat ladies kilt store had underwear for kilt wearers, so we don't have to see McTanner's ass, or even worse his nards.
(John holds up a set of womans thongs. They are red with a green four leaf clover on the front. Sarah turns on her heels and throws her hands up in disgust as she leaves the room.)
John: Ok, now that we are done with this, all I need to do is tape up the box and mail it to McTanner.
(John tapes up the box and carries it out of the room. A few minutes go by and John re-enters the room with a smile on his face.)
John: There we go, caught the mail man while I was out there. McTanner should have his home pakage soon. Oh ya McTanner, I did ya one last favor, I sent a video tape back to Ireland to your granny to show her how well you have been treating that hunk of man meat or whatever it is she call Apollyon. She should have the tape in her hands right about now.
(John laughs hysterically as he looks around the room real fast, then grabs a chair and pulls it up to the table. As john takes his seat, his face changes from laughter to complete seriousness.)
John: Ok, now on to business at hand. Dragon has a match this week against a man named Blaze. Now, Blaze's best friend said he did research on my friend Dragon. Well, you did some, but not enough, and because I will grant Dragon this one wish, to have a fair fight, let me 'ed-umacate' you on a little thing called Dragon 101. Class is in session fools, so sit down and shut up. Dragon was not only trained by warrior monks, but also attended Hellpit Acadamy where he learned the ins and outs of the wrestling world. He graduated at the top of his class second to McTanner who graduated first of the class.
(John gnashes his teeth at the recollection of McTanner graduating first seat.)
John: Well now, here we learned not only how to take a chair shot, but how to deliver one properly to get the most effectivness out of the shot. Dragon does not believe in grabbing a chair and rendering some one unconscious with it, but oh well. Now he also learned the technical ins and outs of wrestling also. So I guess this shoots your theory out of the water now doesn't it, Mr. hot shot research guy. Huh? Huh? Huh?
(At this point in time Dragon enters the room and looks at John with a look of disappointment.)
Dragon: John, please tell me you didn't send that box to McTanner. Please tell me you didn't send it.
John: Yes, I did. By now it's at a post office being mailed to him. That will teach that dress wearing pansy not to talk about us and our Kung Pow Chicken. AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN.
(John begins to laugh once again, then stops when he sees Dragon looking at him.)
Dragon: John, no no no no. Why did you do this to yourself? He is going to get even with you. I am glad I am not in your shoes. Well, whats done is done. Since the camera is here and on, I might as well say a few words.
John: Go ahead, I have said my piece all ready. Well, most of it any way.
Dragon: Well, good evening everyone. I look forward to our match this SNS, Blaze. Your friend is hurting you by not doing a complete background check. I am a technical wrestler also. I have been to the greatest school in the world for training, the Hellpit Academy. I don't mind getting hurt to give the fans a show they will go home remembering. They pay to see us and we should give them their moneys' worth. You asked why am I meditating to get clairvoyant for our match, to see somehting? No, it is just as important to train the mind as it is the body. Spitual peace brings a harmony that no chair or sword can break my friend.
John: Ya...
Dragon: John, please.
John: Sorry.
Dragon: I have been in the game for a good many years and been to many places. But my first home was here in the IWE. The old IWE, but the IWE all the same. President Helsly was here, Taurus, Express, McTanner, Nighthawk too. I was TV champ back then.
John: Well that felt Romper Roomish. I see Billy and Mike and Tommy and Jade and all the rest of the IWE freaks. Oops sorry, you were talking, go ahead.
Dragon: Any way, no matter what federation I hopped to I always missed fighting with the best. Now I am back home where I feel like I can let go. You are right about one thing Blaze, I think this week the fight is going to go to the one who wants it the most. You want it bad to recover from your losses, I want it because I am home. I am here to show the old gang I have grown since then. I dont want the TV title this time, I want the World title. My fans stuck by me when my wife died, and they stuck by me through the crappy federation years, and they have returned to stand by me one more time, so this time I will give them what they want to see, a CHAMPION.
(Dragon walks out of the room and John leaps to his feet, knocking over the chair he was sitting in.)
John: OH YEAH! That's what I am talking about! Oh yeah baby, Blaze...you in for it now. Oh, this is going to be good. I cannot wait now. He will first step on Blaze, crushing him with yet another loss. Then eventualy McTanner will get crushed, which will be the happiest day of my life.
(John laughs hystarically as he leaves the room. The scene fades to a table sitting in the dark with a tipped over chair.)