¤The Saga Of The Note To Beth, After She Wrote A Note To Katie That Made No Sense¤
**Dedication**
I dedicate this saga to Beth, cuz she got me into this whole thing. And to Stella, for putting up with this stuff ;-)
***“Eeeeeewwwwww.......”
-People Magazine
“Jesus Christ!”
-New York Times
“PPPPLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE....no more!”
-Sisckel and Ebert***
**I would like to thank all
of my co-workers on this
special production, because
without them, I wouldn’t be
able to think. That’s right.
Thanks to you, braincells
Number 1, 2, 3, and
especially, Bob.**
BETH~
(Opening scene, Stella and Justin in the park.)
Bob- I’m the narrator, and I’ll be providing the imaginary sound effects.
Hey! Can’t a narrator have a name?
Justin- I love you Stella.
Stella- I love you too Justin.
Bob- Awwwwwwwww......
Justin- So, what do you want to do today?
Stella- I don’t know. What do you want to do?
Justin- Beats me.
Stella- What?
Justin- I said, “beats me”.
Stella- Who beats you?
Justin- No one beats me.
Stella- Then why’d you say it, huh?
Justin- I---
Stella- Huh?
Justin- It---
Stella- Huh?
Justin- Well---
Stella- Huh?Huh,huh,huh,huh,huh?
Bob- JUST LET THE MAN TALK WILL YOU?
Stella- Sorry. Go ahead Justin.
Justin- Now I forgot what I was going to say.
Stella- It must be all that gel in your hair. I told you it was seeping into
your ears! But do you ever listen to me? No!
Justin- Yeah, but---
Stella- No!
Justin- I---
Stella- No!
Justin- Hey---
Stella- No! No no no no no no!
Bob- DEAR GOD WILL YOU QUIT IT!
Stella- Sorry Justy, I love you.
Justin- Right back at ya.
Stella- What’s that supposed to mean?
Justin- Well----
Stella- What?
Bob- Let’s stop before we even start.
(cut to somewhere on the waterfront)
Marlon Brando- Why can’t Stella love me?
Evil sidekick person- Maybe because you are a very old very ugly
black-and-white overrated movie actor with no talent at all?
Marlon Brando- Could be.
Evil sidekick person- Other than that, well, gee. I JUST don’t know
WHAT she could see in that guy.
Marlon Brando- Yeah, I know.
Evil sidekick person- I mean, just because he’s cute, cuddly, can sing,
dance, and dye his hair all by himself...
Marlon Brando- I have to win her heart. I have to! Any ideas?
Evil sidekick person- Well, you could kidnap her, take her to your secret
hideout in Australia, tell her how much you love her until she either
agrees to love you, doesn’t or go utterly insane. Then, if she will love
you, live happily-ever-after, if she goes insane, have her committed, and
if she doesn’t...
Marlon Brando- What? WHAT?
Evil sidekick person- Something may have to happen to Justin...
Cranky old person- Don’t even try it you stupid mother@#$%!!! What
the @%$* are you doing? I’m ~!@#ing old man! I don’t need that king of
@$%*ing interruption! Get the $%&@ out of here!
Bob-Well, as Mr. Potty mouth was expressing his thoughts more,
Justin decided to go looking for her.
Justin- Maybe I’ll take a cab. Hey! CAB!
Bob- A very old, rickedy cab pulled up and Justin got in.
Antonio D. Cabdriver- Hello. My name Antonio D. Cabdriver. I will be
your cabdriver for today. Please excuse the unpleasant nature of this
vehicle. For my employers didn’t assign me the worthiest car. But of
course, I’m trying to work on that.....
Bob- Hey buddy, we get the point!
Antonio D. Cabdriver- Oh, sorry. There I go again. Where to?
Justin- Just drive around. I’m looking for someone.
Antonio D. Cabdriver- Okay, but it may get kind of costly.
Justin- That’s no problem.
(a high beep beep beep beep beep beep goes off)
Antonio D. Cabdriver- BOMB! Run for your life!
Justin- No no! It’s just my watch. I’m needed elsewhere....
Bob- Justin desinigrates into thin air.
Antonio D. Cabdriver- What the---?
(cut to N*SYNC headquarters)
Bob- Now I’m going to have to sing that stupid song!
Justin- What is it guys? What’s wrong?
JC- We’ve just got word that Stella has been kidnapped by Marlon
Brando!
Chris- And his Evil Sidekick too!
Bob- Da Da Dum!
Lance- It seems he has taken her to his secret hideout in the dankest
depths of blackest Australia.
Bob- Da Da Dum!
Joey- Isn’t that horrible? He’s so mean.
JC- And Evil.
Chris- And---ugly.
Justin- At least we don’t have that problem!
Lance- You said it bro!
Joey- As I said before, what are we going to do?
Justin- Well, this looks like a job for----
Bob- Oh, here we go...
(very stupid, suprisingly familiar theme music arrises
as these really fake “superheroes” say their role-call. I would advise to
stop reading now, but who cares what I say, I’m just telling what
happens.)
Annoying chorus people- GO GO N*SYNC RANGERS!
Bob- (brace yourself, this is torture for me...) Do do do do do!
Justin- JUSTIN!
Annoying chorus people- GO GO N*SYNC RANGERS!
JC- JC!
Bob- Do do do do do!
Annoying chorus people- GO GO N*SYNC RANGERS!
Chris- CHRIS!
Bob- Do do do do do!
Annoying chorus people- GO GO N*SYNC RANGERS!
Lance- LANCE!
Bob- Do do do do do!
REALLY Annoying chorus people- GO GO N*SYNC RANGERS!
Joey- JOEY!
Bob- Do do do do do!
INCREDIBLY ANNOYING chorus people- GO GO N*SYNC RANGERS!
Justin- Come on guys! Let’s go rescue Stella!
(cut to secret hideout in Australia)
Stella- Whoever you are, you won’t get away with this!
Evil sidekick person-(Looking up from noisily eating a balogna sandwich.) Wait a second. You don’t know who brought you
here?
Stella- How could I? Between being knocked unconcious for 5 hours
strait, being bound and gagged in a crowded cargo hold of a 747, being
knocked unconcious again, and finally waking up tied to a post in some
secret hidout who knows where, watching you eat and trying to figure
out when my life went upsidedown, well, no. I don’t know who brought
me here.
Evil sidekick person- Well, gee, don’t have a cow!
Marlon Brando- Stella! I see you’ve made it here safely.
Stella- Mother@#&*! I knew it was you! You just don’t know when to
$&@%ing stop do you?!?!?
Marlon Brando- Tisk tisk tisk. You shouldn’t use that kind of language.
It doesn’t reflect positively on---
Stella- Oh will you shut the @&%$ up! Who the &$@# do think you are?
I DEMAND you to let me go.
Marlon Brando- Well, I can’t do that. You see, I love you very much and
well, your in Australia and---
( in the middle of Stella’s fine use of colorful
vocabulary, Justin and the other “N*SYNC RANGERS” rush in with a
big burst of fake smoke.)
FREAKINGLY ANNOYING chorus people- GO GO N*Ssss----
Bob- WILL YOU SHUT THE @%#$ UP ALREADY??!!
Marlon Brando- Oh poo! Now they’ve messed up all my plans!
Stella- Oh Justy! I knew you’d come save me!
Justin- Yes, that’s right Stella! I am here to take you away from this
awful place.
( as Justin, Stella and the rest of the N*SYNC
RANGERS exit, Marlon Brando threatens to cause more trouble soon.)
Marlon Brando- Your not rid of me yet you stupid @#$&^*!@%$#!!!!
Evil sidekick person- Would this be a bad time to ask for a raise?
(cuts to opening scene again)
Justin- I love you Stella.
Stella- I know you do.
Justin- I love you more than words can describe.
Stella- What words?
Justin- All the words.
Stella- But what words?
Justin- ALL the words honey.
Stella- But why can’t you tell me those words huh?
Justin- Well---
Stella- Huh?
Justin- If---
Stella- Huh?
Justin- But---
Stella- Huh? Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh?
Bob- Shut up! Well, at any rate, somehow some way Stella and Justin
lived happily ever after. As for Marlon Brando he’s still desperately
plotting to make Stella love him, although deep down he knows she
never will. He just doesn’t understand that the power of cute, cuddly,
talented, not to mention RICH young superstars is just too great.
