"We should all be dancers, we'd get more dates."
"She's been eating dinner for 2 1/2 hours."
"We can't drug her, she's never around!"
"They'll be made with love...HUWAY!"
"I'll beat him with his own sock." "Oh the irony!"
"Jungle Jubes... sounds like a racial slur."
"Junior mints: AMAZING!!!!"
"No it's on GOOD..it makes sense choreographically..or..wait.."
"Well from a choreographical standpoint..."
"OKAY IF YOU WANT TO USE FIVE WORDS."
FIRE IN THE HOLE x 3 and repeat -Crazy Horse Movie
"It says no trucks, it doesn't say no Joe." -Joe
"Does this look like a small mumified child to you?" -Jesse showing me a piece of candy
"This place is locked up tighter than a virgin!" -THE POOL
"Nice computer. *grabs laptop, breaks it over knee* Why don't you vist SUCK MY DICK DOT COM." -Gigli
"I don't wanna dip into the sisterhood." -Gigli
"dyke-o-saurus rex" -Gigli
"Now give Guerrilla Theatre a standing ovation!" -Passages Leaders
�love knows no punctuation
love knows no dedication
love involves no fornication
yo bitch gimme two scoops� -A Poem by Maddie and Katie
�Is Donald Rumsfeld a robot?� -The Daily Show
KT: Tuesday is going to be silly day.
Tracy: Why's that?
KT: I dunno. I think because I'm going to wear my beanie hat all day.
Tracy: Oh. Are you Jewish.
Maddie: *blinks*
KT: What? No, I'm not Jewish...why...
Tracy: Well that's what they wear on their heads, the little beanies. *motions to head*
Maddie: *laughs*
KT: Umm...well they are called yarmelkes...and they don't have little propellors on top of them. Unless you were a Jewish clown.
Tracy: Okay that's what I'm going to call you from now on.
"If I tried that it would probably end up a murder." -Dan, when discussing a crazy sex position
"Jesus would not approve of cell phones.� -My Women in Religion teacher
Ginger: Katie, when did you begin to suspect I was a heterosexual?
KT: Well Ginger, when I first met you I had this inkling because you were not remotely attracted to me.
Ginger: Oh but I was. I said "Hey there's a hot little number in a blue jerkoff shirt..."
"I was working at a warehouse, and they told me never to drive the forklift. I thought, who are they to shatter my dreams?" -Rich Vos
�Come see the supple show YooHoos are collapsing about! PANTS! The story stars the main character Andy Dameron, played by Clay Aiken, who is a mediocre tool in search of flowers. On Andy Dameron's journey through Brendan Leonard's House, Andy Dameron falls sparkly in love with the sexy Andy Dameron, played by Clay Aiken. Andy Dameron then runs into the beautiful clown named Andy Dameron, played by Clay Aiken. The audience laughs as Andy Dameron and Andy Dameron sing and scamper across the stage. 3.14 frogs join Andy Dameron on stage for the malevolent song called "Rainbow Deuschbag". The Wildcat Chronicle says "Fuck me! This show is icky! I give it 57 1/2 cheeks down!" Fly clumsily and buy YOUR tickets for PANTS today!� -My eLib
"Are you gonna let your girlfriend fork me like that?"-Carly
"Why don't we get some dessert? And by 'we' I mean 'I' and by 'dessert' I mean 'you'."-Carly
*After I catapulted a creamer into the air* "Where did that land?"-Carly
"Right here."-John
"Oh, I was going to say...you almost cremed John's pants!"-Carly
"Sublime the wrong way. Who would put that on their phone. *looks over shoulder*
Oh."-Ginger
"Make John the sugar daddy."-Stella
"You're about to make me creme."-John
"Corn chips aren't made with potatoes."-Carly
*To Cody about working with her* "I've been meaning to ask you... can you alphabetize? Do you know the alphabet?"-Amanda's Mom
"If I lost my wallet I'd have lost my pants."-Carly
"And then you'd be screwed."-Stella
"HAHA SURPRISE WE'RE GOING TO REHAB!"-Cody
"I'm a dirty old man."-Ginger
"Nobody said I wasn't dislexic."-Carly
"I snubbed you like a snubby snub snub."-Cody
"My boss is a neurotic cancerous lady." *silence*-Carly
"It's frustrating like when I lose my socks in the morning and I'm like FUCK WHERE DID I PUT MY FUCKING SOCKS?!?!"-Cody
"Sounds like 'Margot' is a 'Mar-stay'."-Cody
*After Carly's crotch-biting story* "Oh my gosh, that's horrible...horrible with a capitol whore."-Cody
"G-Love and Special Sauce."-Carly
"Calling in fired."-Carly
"Ginger you're asleep don't argue with us!!!!"-Me
"Okay Ray happy birthday...I guess this makes you Heines 57!"
"No no I turned 57 last year."
"Then I have wasted my life." -CONAN SKIT
"Katie give me a hug! I am your boyfriend!" -Steve trying to molest me again after SITTING ON MY FACE
"Davy! Daaaaavy noooo stop it! DAAAVYYYY!" -Mike imitating me
"MIKE!!! PICK A SIDE!!!"
"I can feel my ovaries drying up as we speak."
"Your mom's popcorn chicken!" -Jeff
"God is not a carbohydrate." -Jeff
"Wait... cat..." -Kelly
"Yellow like Andy."
"We can't just be a group of white kids because then we'd be racist. So, we have Andy."
"I am racially profiling you."
"Did you get that....*whisper whisper*"
"When we were dating yes you are very observant."
�WENIS!!!!�-Everyone
"It feels like spooge." -Steve
�The best part of waking up is shoushers in your cup." -Mike
"Who wants you to die and has two thumbs... this guy." -Davy
"Look at her! She's in pain. Her pain is making me laugh." -Mike
"It's a chapstick vibrator."
�What about DDR... oh fuck... the Japanese." -Me
"It's about 7:06am... Dameron never showed up." -Mike
Kristin: Andy can't come. He said his parents won't let him drive in the snow.
Katie: *looks at Jesse* But he said he was going to watch a movie with Susan.
Kristin: Hey yeah she said she would come to Colonial too. What the crap?
Katie: Well, maybe she did go snowballing after all.
Kristin: No, she wasn't there.
Katie: I know, I was making a sexual inuendo.
Jesse: I thought that's where you were going.
Kristin: Oh I see...
Katie: Yeah, like she went snowballing at Andy's house.
Kristin: Only inside, with no snow.
Katie: Exactly.
"If I was a doctor delivering a baby I would say 'Fresh from the oven!'" -Jesse
KT: Oh look there's Best Buy. Let's go in there and I can say "I BOUGHT A DIGICAM... FROM CIRCUIT CITY"!
MADDIE: *laughs*
KT: Oh damn it, I forgot to go back there and hit on that guy. I don't hit on people, but this guy who sold me the digicam was insanely nice and cute---
MADDIE: Was he tall, skinny and disgusting... you know, you're type?
KT: *long, stunned pause* ...........yes.
MADDIE: *laughs* Are you mad?
KT: *brooding* No.
Later...at Spencer's...
KT: I do not have a type.
MADDIE: Dude, you so do.
KT: *wants to argue, can't* Okay, maybe I do.
"Where's my God damned Happy CD? That's all I want. The little fucker is nowhere to be found. *long pause* WHAT THE LIVING FUCK FACE?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!!!!??????" -Ginger
Kelly: Andy, why are you so intrigued by the peanut butter?
Andy: It's so big... it amazes me.
Mike: What do you call them? Marchiano cherries?
KT: No, marichino.
Mike: Oh... well what's marchiano then?
KT: Your dislexic term for marichino.
�SHUT UP REPUBLICAN.�
�We didn't get you flowers because we're busy and forgetful. So... here's Matt with a flower hat!� -Emy and Jeff
Andy: Bridget touched my penis.
Bridget: I touched his penis. I feel so dirty.
�Do you still want to jump her bones?� -Mike, to Andy
"Son of a Horticulturist!!!!!!" -Mike in the Italien Straw Hat
"Is your wig apart of the show?" -Old guy, to me
"Oh yeah down there they make vanilla... beans..."
"What is he? A Vanilla Spap!"
"What does your pin say?"
"This is my piece of flair."
"Yeah, but what does it say?"
�Los Guapos Diablos!!!! The best of bowling and wrestling combined.�
�Those Darn Accordians!�
"How many people died during Speed 2?" -Ginger, referencing the lady who died during the Christ Movie.
"Can we pretend we heard a quote and write it down?" -Mike
"Where Mittens rules with an iron mitten." -Bridget
"They killed me didn't they?" -Mike
Mike: It's kinda like a fun ride.
Davy: It's kinda like sex.
"AHH! YOU SCHMECK!" -Mike
"Now you're cookin'" -My Dad
"I don't know what just happened, but it happened." -Mike, referencing the random KT and Maddie movement exploration
My Dad: What are you doing on the stairs Kevin?
Kevin: Oh well we're playing a game called party quirks and I'm the...
My Dad: Oh yeah, I was a big quirker when I was young...
"Why are you pointing a finger at me? Why don't you point it at yourself!" -Ginger
"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" -Ginger, to the narrator
"Sean, how can you be the doctor? I'M THE DOCTOR!" -Me
�Pancakes... Pancakes... PANCAAAAAKES!!!!!!! *INSANE KARATE MOVES*� -Cabin Fever
�It�s like, being on a plane when you know it�s going to crash. Everyone is screaming �We�re going down! We�re going down!� And you just wanna grab the person next to you and fuck the shit out of them because you know you�re going to die soon anyway.� -Cabin Fever
"It'd be kinda weird...be like 'Mom come hold it while it get it'." -Steve, on piercing his wang
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? You won't be able to use it properly, it's going to rip the SHIT out of whoever you end up sleeping with. KATIE! DO YOU WANT THAT?" -Kristin, on Steve piercing his wang
"It was just funny right there. Now its like a double whammy!" -Steve, on Kristin attacking him viciously about laughing before the joke was finished
"It's almost like the Olympic Flag." -Steve, on what his wang piercing will look like
Steve: If I get it are you going to want to see it? Or touch it or run away?
Me: Ummm yeah!
Steve: Hahah really?!?!?
Me: <----GIRL WHO BOUGHT YOUR RED VELVET MAN THONG.
"The correct answer is that playing with a penis that has a ring through it is not sex, and we can all do that." -Mike, in response to Steve's sex inquiry
Mike: So when do we get to play with it is the real question?
Me: We should have a party. Open up a booth. "Play with Steve's Pierced Wang for a Dollar, Free Lemonade!"
Kelly: I'll make cheese fondu!
Me: Yeah!
Kelly: But no wang in the fondu..
Me: Ewww no. But we can make chocolate fondu and pretend bananas are wangs. I mean you know. That's everyone's personal choice.
Mike: Who will get the money?
Me: Ummm..we'll donate it to prostate cancer foundations.
Kelly: Nice choice.
Me: The Slogan for the Promo: "PAY TO PLAY AND SAVE LIVES!"
Steve: Hahah. My prosate is as solid as a freakin wallnut man. I take care of me!
Mike: Yes.
Me: Yes and we want everyone's prostate to be as healthy as yours. So down with
prostate cancer!!!
Steve: Ooohh it's ok I can teach you!
Me: Teach me how to make my prostate healthy?
Steve: I'll teach you don't worry.
Me: Do I have a prostate?
Steve: I don't think so...but we can pretend.
"We're Big K, but we're modest about it."
"Lover's Lane is right down there. That means we turned around 30 seconds away from the Shell station."
"No! Go! There are bushes!"
"You know what's fun? Putting the car in neutral and ROLLING down the hill."
"What's that red car doing?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's wondering the same about us. DON'T JUDGE ME RED CAR."
�If you ran a mile it'd be like going twelve rounds with Mike Tyson.� -Steve, to Kelly
�Suck the 10 gage right outta me.� -Steve
�I've been dormant for awhile now.� -Steve
�Vote for the fat tax, fattie.� -Steve
"Katie whenever I come in here you are always watching American Idol... or your American Idol DVD... or From Justin to Kelly..." -John from Manchester 12
"You know America is fat when cheesecake is an ingrediant." -Jay Leno
"DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME DO SOMETHING IGNORANT DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME DO SOMETHING IGNORANT DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME DO SOMETHING IGNORANT?" -Dancing Guy
"You can lisp on all the J's!" -Sean, to Joel about being a Gay Retarted Jew
"Yeah that's ugly... kinda like your face." -Me, to Joel
"GR & J" -Hehe!!!!!!
"Are YOU straight?" -Kelly
"My eyes are burning like two Menorahs." -Me, to piss off Joel (it totally worked)
Maddie: Hillary Duff looks like she's 25. That's why it looked gross in Lizzie McGuire when she had to kiss that 12 year old kid.
KT: But Maddie, they're the same age.
Maddie: I know! But it looked gross. Kinda like when you used to kiss Dameron.
*Very Long Pause*
KT: I'll give you that one.
Maddie: At least the concert is going by fast.
KT: Yeah. *pause* Fast like an angioplasty.
Maddie: WHAT?!
KT: I don't know. That was dumb. I was trying to think of something that took a long time and I thought of 'angioplasty'.
Maddie: How about "Fast like a snail with a broken leg"?
KT: But snails don't have legs.
Maddie: No they do not.
KT: "Fast like a snail with a broken wormy tail."
Maddie: *laughs for five minutes*
KT: That wouldn't work either because snails don't have vertebrae.
Maddie:"Fast like a snail without a shell...."
KT: "Fast like a snail with a cracked shell so it'd be a slug that doesn't move."
Sarah: Someone told me that Andy's acting has improved 110% since last year.
Sean: Well 110% times ZERO is still ZERO.
*looking at the pit* "I don't see any trombones..." -Sean
"Wow he really gave it to him." -Steve, on the punch in the face
"WHAT IF JON WAS ONE OF US!!!!" -Davy (rofl Kelly!)
"Aww, he is getting all sentimental about the space.� -Maddie, commenting on Jesse
"PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -Sean
"Kill Jessica." *snaps fingers* "It's done!"
"Rolloff is dead. He ROLLED OFF A CLIFF!"
"Yeah!" -Andy�s solo (is it sad that this is being quoted?)
"Love is as strong as death." -Some song in Women�s Chorale
"Slim Jim?" -A Lyric Kelly and I heard
(in Irish accent) "Good thing when you sing you don't sing with an accent."
"Girl: You know, just because you can't imagine a relationship based on maturity and trust--
Guy: Maturity and trust? You sound like a bank!" -Cruel Intentions 3
"Arnold: You should clone yourself while you are still alive.
Bad Guy: Why? So I can experience what you're experiencing?
Arnold: No. So you can go fuck yourself." -The 6th Day
G$: Katie... the ceiling's spinning...
KT: Whaa?!
G$: The ceiling is spinning. Do you think Greg slipped me the date rape drug?
KT: *flabbergasted*
G$: How long does it take for that to affect my system?!
KT: I... I don't know Ginger. I have never been slipped the date rape drug... as I have never been raped... as far as I know.
"And over here we have this Pine Cone which was voted most likely to be a Pine Cone." -Davy
"Shirts for the shirtless!" -Davy
"It looks like a hunk of meat." -Mike
"Hey! I thought you kids would all be naked and watching porn by now!" -Mike's Relative *Andy and I exchange glances of horror and confusion*
"So I had this theory of reverse evolution, that we're all turning into monkeys. But then I realized it was only the Asians." -Sean
"YOU'RE A MONKEY!" -Me, pointing at Andy
Andy: People who are full Asian aren't usually hairy.
Sean: Well I don't know. The kid looked Chinese. Wong or something.
Me: *shrug* They're all the same.
Mike: Would you ever date her?
Andy: NO!!!!
*utter silence, then Sean cracks up*
"Holy crap. *pause* Uhh help! *pause* There's a cricket in my pants!" -Kevin
"What if he was a republican?
He'd be a republican.
What if Bridget's plane crashed on the way to Costa Rica?
The world would be a quieter place.
What if Katie got a boyfriend?
There would be a lot of stupid people in the world.
What if Andy and Melissa got married?
Everyone would fly into the Sun.
What if dolphins could talk?
They would be heros and martyrs and all things Holy." -What If?
