"You're being a little biggoted." ... "Well a little goes a long way."
"IT'S THE NEW JEWY FRU FRU FER SHOE BALOU!"
"A song that goes like this- do do do do do do! *theme*"
"I guess for me the future is now- it's good I was wearing my big pants."
"CRAP-TAR 5000!"
"For those of you at home keeping score, the toteboard reads death 152, life, 1." -Lewis Black
"I give up." -Dan Rather
"Hearing the words 'The Cold war is over' the audience took a trip in a time machine to 'no fucking shit day'." (Making fun of President Bush)
"In Taipei there was a children's puppet festival; apparently they're not too fond of their children over there." -Lewis Black
"The apathetic...GWAK!"
"The 'I don't give a shit' air is suffocating me."
"Dude, where's my rat?"
"He refuses to pick our pockets, but he will fuck our asses."
(Clip shows Pres. Bush walking away) "Come on back I was kidding! At least give us a cocky smirky smile!" (Clip shows him doing so... *DUN DUN DUNNNNN*)
"...They decided to plant the ammunition for next season."
"Christmas is celebrated with electricity. That way it's easier to see your Jewish neighbors NOT HAVING ANY FUN." -Lewis Black
