September 16, 1975
I met someone.
I don’t know if it will become anything, but I think I have found my soul mate. True, he’s just a kid and he has no idea what its like to suffer the way I have and still do, but there was that instant connection.
I first saw him in the hall backstage while I was talking to Mandy. He was looking at me curiously, like a child. Then later, I was on the roof of the hotel behind the club. He came to me completely uninvited – like he could follow my scent or something. He was so lost, and so afraid. For the first time in my life, I was allowed to be myself for an hour.
His name is Arthur. He looked like one of those mixed up Manchester kids – lost, afraid, and hoping for a rock star that might fall in love.
I told him I’d be the one to mangle his mind, but I have the feeling he’ll be the one to destroy me if I’m not careful. I should know better than this. I can’t be so careless again. Its obvious this kid is one of Brian’s fans, so it would be safe to say that he could be just like the little bastard.
But I have never felt so alive as I did last night and this morning. I felt completely free. And I know he did too. I’d love to see him again, but I don’t know if that’s possible. After all, he IS a groupie. He probably wouldn’t want the dried up rock star for a companion anyway. He’s got too much of a life left to experience to settle down now.
Holy shit… I’m talking about settling down – about spending the rest of my life with some kid I met last night. Damn, I actually WANT to do this. Of course, I also wanted to be with Brian forever, and look where that got me…Fucked.
I’m falling for this kid I don’t know. But he reminds me so much of me. I could help him – we could help each other…
He’s still asleep in my bed. I need to get out of here before he wakes up again. This has to stop before it goes any farther. I can’t be hurt again.
I can wait a few minutes…he should sleep for awhile longer. The drugs haven’t worn off yet. I can sit here and look at him for awhile. And dream.
“Curt,” Brian used to say, “All you have are your dreams. If they come true, you have nothing left to live for.” Maybe he’s right. I should get out of here now. It would never work anyway. Nobody could love me.
After all, I am Curt Wild.