The blue, electric hiss of lightsaber blades still scared her. Even after six months, she was still jarred by the whirr of energy up her arm each time they connected. Obi-Wan didn’t have to be inside her head to know that. The fear was etched clearly across her face every time a lightsaber was powered up.
He was an excellent swordsman, which is how he was given the task of helping to train her in the use of Jedi weapons. She was intimidated not only by the weapon, but by the elder Jedi Masters as well. Master Yoda noticed several days after her arrival that she had taken a liking to Obi-Wan. He was the only Padawan she would talk to, and because of that it was up to him to see that she got the training she so desperately needed.
The blades met and her focus cracked, easily giving Obi-Wan the upper hand. He quickly brought her to her knees, from which she collapsed flat to her back. She lay there with her eyes closed, sweat trickling down her face. A brief moment of pity passed through Obi-Wan’s mind at the thoughts flying so freely from hers.
Note to self, he thought, teach the girl to shield her thoughts.
“You’re getting better,” he encouraged with a slight smile, knowing how terrible she felt about herself. The thoughts pouring from her mind told him that she was not used to being so weak with a weapon – that she had a natural dexterity and ability which yielded itself to her fighting style. This, however, was much, much different than the weapons she knew.
She lifted her head just enough to give him a dirty look before pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes and thumping her head back against the floor.
“No, not really,” she snapped, and he could hear the tears threatening in her voice. Obi-Wan powered down the lightsaber and sat on next to her on the practice mat, drawing his knees up under his chin.
“You are. I know how you feel, Siobhan.” He reached out and pulled her hands away from her eyes. “We’ve all been there. And we all overcame that fear.” She looked up at him, violet eyes rimmed in red. “Remember Master Yoda’s first lesson: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate.”
“And hate leads to suffering, I KNOW,” she whined. He could clearly see that she wanted to throw herself down and have a tantrum. Before she could, a thought broke through her muddled head and passed across her face. She sat straight up. “Wait…what do you think I’m afraid of?” she asked. She narrowed her eyes at him. “I never said anything to you!”
“You didn’t have to,” he responded evenly. “Your facial expressions give you away.”
“Oh…damn poker face,” she muttered. Obi-Wan smiled, and he could tell that she was struggling not to look at him.
“You can’t let you fear consume you, Siobhan.”
“What do you know about fear?” she snapped. “I’m not from this planet. Hell, I’m not even from this universe! I don’t know how I got here, I don’t know why they’re holding me prisoner in this place and trying to teach me things that are way ahead of my time! I haven’t seen my family since I was ten, I haven’t seen any of my friends in almost a year, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why the hell you would even begin to care!” Obi-Wan blinked in response. He knew there was fear and frustration, but hadn’t expected there to be so much. This girl had serious problems.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. He dropped his gaze to his hands, where he fidgeted with the wrinkles in the knees of his leggings. “Fear isn’t an easy emotion to conquer.” It was Siobhan’s turn to look at him. He could feel the quizzical nature of her stare, and he knew that she agreed.
“So what happened to you that made you stop being afraid?” she asked. He didn’t look at her. “I know its something big.” Still no answer. “Look, you’re not going to just make a comment like that and then not explain!” She punched the mat next to her for emphasis. It worked to get his attention.
“I was thirteen before I was chosen,” he said quietly, having to fight the fear that was desperate to overtake him again. “I was afraid that they would send me away. I didn’t have anywhere else to go – I’m an orphan.”
”That makes two of us…sort of,” she said in the most encouraging tone she could muster. “So what happened?”
“There was a fight…a bad one. Master Qui-Gon’s Padawan before me went to the Dark Side, and the only reason I got a chance is because Master Yoda made him take me as a reinforcement. I think they saw me as expendable back then.” He glanced up in time to see Siobhan flinch at the comment.
“That sucks. At least he was willing to take you.”
“Not really,” he replied with a sigh. “He didn’t have a choice.”
“At least he took you. What’s so bad about that?”
”I was there when Xanatos died.” Obi-Wan couldn’t suppress the shudder crawling up his spine. “It was the first death I ever saw.” He straightened his shoulders and blinked the pain back. “I was clumsy and scared, and the Masters didn’t think I was the right type for the Jedi Arts.”
“Wow,” Siobhan responded, whistling through her teeth. “If they thought you were wrong for this, I really want to know what was going through their heads when they drafted me.”
“They were thinking you have the potential to be great,” Obi-Wan affirmed. A slight smile curled the corner of his lip. He had finally found someone that he could truly connect with; someone who had the potential to be a friend. He found he couldn’t help but stare at her, even as she looked off into the darkest corners of the room. She was a fascinating, albeit frightened, creature, and it amazed him that she was able to keep the Masters from ridding her of her Mohawk. They had, at least, made her braid it.
“I don’t know,” she responded with a sigh. She curled her legs up and hugged her knees to her chest. The more she withdrew, the more she reminded him of a child. “I’ve never been afraid of anything in my life, but this place; this…existence. It’s all so new to me.”
“Don’t let it get the best of you,” he said. Slowly, Obi-Wan crawled to his feet. Then, he extended a hand to her. She initially looked at it as if it were a shark. He stood motionless, waiting for her to accept, which he knew she would. Finally, she took hold of his outstretched fingers and allowed him to pull her to her feet. She tried to struggled when he pressed the lightsaber back into her hand. “Let’s get back to work before we’re accused of being lazy.”
“I’d rather be thought lazy than afraid in this place,” she muttered. Obi-Wan smiled as he powered up the weapon in his hand. Together, they had the potential to be great.