“Cut!”
“What
is it now, George? This is the fifth time you’ve stopped us, and I’m only on
the first bloody line!”
“Well,
Obi-Wan, its not ‘this makes me uneasy,’ its – ” Here
Obi-Wan joined in, mouthing the words at Qui-Gon, “ – I
have a bad feeling about this.”
“Well,”
the short-haired Jedi retorted, “‘I have a bad feeling about this’ is too
cliché! You’ve used it in all of your films! Besides, my
line sounds more…dignified.”
From
the left wing, someone started cackling. The current set
occupants looked every which way, trying to locate the exact source of the
hilarity, when a crash from the reactor set caught their attention. Rolling
around on the floor of the unused set was Darth Maul, giggling like a Zabrak out
of his mind.
“Really,
Obi-Wan,” he gasped between fits of laughter, “you
don’t sound distinguished…you sound like an idiot!”
Angered,
the Padawan threw back his cloak, grabbed his lightsaber, and lunged.
Caught off guard, Darth Maul only had time to get to his feet before
Obi-Wan had cut him in half and sent him spiraling down into the reactor core.
“Call
me stupid…” Obi-Wan muttered, sheathing his lightsaber. “Blasted
sith…not worth the makeup…” He looked around then and
realized that everyone was watching him. “What?”
“You’ve
ruined today’s filming!” George shouted, throwing his hands in the air.
“Your
‘documentary’ is all wrong anyway,” Qui-Gon said, waving his hand in the
air suggestively.
~
+ ~
The
next morning, the Master and Padawan were surprised to find in their places
actors who looked oddly like them. When Obi-Wan demanded to
know the meaning of the outrage, George simply smiled.
“Obi-Wan,
Qui-Gon, I would like you to meet your replacements: Ewan McGregor and Liam
Neeson. And this – ” he pointed to the short man in
half-makeup, “is Ray Park. He will be taking Darth Maul’s
place since you murdered him.”
Obi-Wan,
not to be intimidated, got up in his replacement’s face. The
young man stared back, unblinking. “So you think you have
what it takes to be me, do you?”
“Aye.
Its not so hard.”
“Well,
let’s see what you’ve got.” Obi-Wan drew his lightsaber, and the young
Scot drew a sword. With one clean sweep, the Padawan’s
‘saber lie in two pieces on the floor.
“Well,
Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon laughed, “I do believe he has what it takes to be you.”
Grumbling, the real Obi-Wan stomped off the set. Qui-Gon,
more good natured about the replacement, stayed on for the rest of the day,
offering suggestions where they were needed.
At
the end of the day, he left the set to find his real Padawan sitting on the
steps outside. Chuckling, he took a seat next to the boy.
“What’s
so funny, Master?” he snarled with as much respect as he could muster.
“I
guess that’s what happens when the stunt doubles attack…”