I didn’t think it would be so hard when they asked me to work for them. I was used to strange propositions in bars late at night, and I was used to the adventure that followed. I could have easily handled a dozen bugbears, or even a hundred zombies. Dragons, vampires, necromancers…you name it, I could have killed it and not thought twice.
Being separated from my friends was hard enough, but when that guy came up to me and told me he could give me the skills I needed to find them, I couldn’t say no. He was tall and slender, with deep, brown skin and eyes as black as coal. Intimidating as he was, he was intelligent, and friendly. And I wanted to find Dru and Jack, and even Mallik and Alwynn. As much as they infuriated me, I wanted them back, because they were familiar. And I knew I could trust Dru, Drow or not.
So I followed him, making myself believe that he could help me. I wasn’t too sure about the vessel he captained, and I was both thrilled and terrified when it left the ground. Then it left what he called the “atmosphere” and I wanted to scream. He simply reached over and touched my forehead, and I don’t remember anything from that point until we landed in this perpetual city he calls Coruscant. That was impressive magic.
Then he took me inside and I was surrounded by things that weren’t human, elf, or any other race I knew. Then he introduced me to Kit Fisto – one of the Jedi Masters and something he called a Nautolan. He explained what a Jedi was, and that I was to become one. He introduced me to several other Jedi – some people, some strange creatures.
Then they introduced me to Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was kind of a goofball, but that wasn’t a bad thing. I liked him a lot. He was young, but that didn’t matter. He was just as nervous as me, and he was as much of an outcast.
He taught me to fight, and to master my fears. I started to lose the hope that I would ever get back home to find my friends, but he was there for me, making my believe that I would find them; that I could help them. He told me that if I gave up that hope, I would give up my grip on life. He told me to hold onto it and to believe in it, and not to ever let it go.
Part of me loves him, very, very deeply. That part of me wants to take him and for all its comforts, leave this place and never come back. I want him to go with me, to help me find the people I care about most, and to join us.
Part of me wants to believe in the virtues of the Jedi lifestyle – to only do good, to help those in need, to be honest and fair and unbiased. That never has been my style, though. I’ve always been a rogue; a thief…a sinner to those who would have religion. My childhood predisposed me to it, and I have been told I didn’t know any better until coming here.
The truth is, I did. I knew what I was doing, and I took satisfaction in my ability to outwit those that would do me harm…and sometimes those that would help me. I knew it and I wanted to do it; I wanted people to suffer the way I suffered; to understand the pain I felt of loss and despair.
I’m learning to let go of that. Master Fisto is teaching me to overcome my hate and my fear, and Obi-Wan continues to reinforce those lessons. Together, they are making me a better person. They are teaching me to use my skills for good.
Obi-Wan promised me he would go with me to find Dru. He seems to think that Dru may have the same potential I do. He thinks that between the three of us, we could bring balance to The Force together. Their prophecy seems silly to me – the idea of a “chosen one” to bring all into balance. Its absurd, but if that’s what it takes for them to exist, I guess everyone does have to have something to believe in.