The Clumsy Crusaders
“Sam, come on! This is SO not cool, dude!” Exasperated, Sock threw
his arms into the air and let them fall limply back to his sides. “Man,”
he muttered, and dropped to the park bench, “this sucks.” Yet again,
he was the ever-faithful watch-the-chest guy. It was pretty cool for the
first few adventures, but now, it was just starting to get boring. He
knew Sam needed all the help he could get, but still…
He picked up the chest and examined it for the umpteenth time. It looked
pretty ordinary. Sam had told him not to open it, though. Begged him
not to. Threatened him, even. And generally Sock could do what he
was told…for awhile, anyway.
= =
“Come on, Dresden!” Murphy snarled impatiently, her hands unconsciously
curling to fists at her hips again. “It’s a wild goose chase. And
I have paperwork to finish!”
She was met with determined silence from the wizard. Harry, she was
certain, was hell-bent on ignoring her. Literally. The last time he had
spoken at all was to mutter the words “fucking demons…” That was an hour
ago. And since then they had run through a storm drain, partially scaled
a building, narrowly avoided being hit by three cars, and found themselves
standing in the middle of a bad section of town.
All the while, Harry Dresden was staring at a piece of glass on a string. “It’s
not glass…it’s a crystal, and the pendulum works!” she could hear him
whining in her head, but it didn’t make the situation any better. Her
legs were cramping, and her back was killing her. What’s more, her
partner in this travesty had gone mute. Just as she was ready to give up
and leave him on the sidewalk, he grunted and lurched forward. Rolling
her eyes, Murphy quietly followed.
= =
Sam had been gone an awful long time. Sock was being as patient as he
could be, but the mystery of the box was tempting him. “Open me!” he
could hear it whispering.
“No,” he said to the box, giving it the evil eye. The sudden
conversation caused a little old lady near him to look at him strangely. She
took an extra-wide path around the bench where he sat and shook her head at
him. “Aww!” he whined and dropped his head into his hands.
Sure, the demon hunter thing was cool, but at that moment, Sock found himself
wishing for the boringness of work. At least that way he wouldn’t be
stuck in downtown Chicago. If only, Sock thought, he could be back in
Seattle.
“Sock…open me…” the box chanted. He lifted his head and looked at
it again. Yeah, the job was done. Yeah, the cupcake filling was not
the soul they had intended to capture…but the cupcake was with Sam. What
the hell could be calling his name?
Sock shifted the box to his lap and inspected it. The inscription was
always the same. The carvings were the same. But it was calling his name!
“No! I’m not going to open you!” Sock shouted at the box, shaking it. He
stood up so that he could shake it better, hoping to dislodge whatever it was
that was calling him and get it to leave him alone.
= =
“Harry! For the love of God, slow down!”
“Can’t!” he shouted back, his long strides taking him yards ahead of
her. Murphy slowed as they came into the park, watching Harry sprint. She
realized, a minute too late, that he wasn’t just running aimlessly – that
he was headed for the kid with the box. Murphy, hoping to avoid some sort
of imminent disaster, took off at a dead run towards Harry and the kid.
“Harry! Wait!”
Before she could catch them, Harry, going to fast to stop, barreled into the
kid, knocking the box out of his hands and sending it bouncing along the
gravel path. Both of them toppled, Harry keeping his balance just long
enough to smack the box and have it spring open.
“Sock! What’s going on?!” Sam shouted, racing over to scoop up the box.
“Hold it right there!” Harry shouted, pointing his newly-produced blasting
rod straight at Sam.
“Everybody hold on a minute!!!” Murphy shouted, out of breath as she
jogged up alongside Harry. “”Why are you pointing that thing at that
kid?!” She smacked Harry in the arm.
“The demon…he has the demon.”
“No shit he has the demon!” Sock shouted, causing Murphy’s icy glare to
turn on him. “I…but…what I mean is…”
“Save it,” Murphy snorted, and turned to Sam. “What’s your
story?”
Sam sucked in a breath. “Well, my parents sold my soul to the devil,
and because of that he’s turned me into a demon hunter.”
“Oh,” Harry said, tilting his head in a confused manner. “Oh…so you
have the demon…”
“Because he was supposed to be returning it to hell, you moron!” Sock
chimed in. Sam sighed and rubbed his forehead. Harry turned on
Sock, pointed the blasting rod at him, and growled.
“Easy, tiger,” Murphy chided, grabbing Harry’s arm to lower the weapon. “The
kid was just… say, what were you doing?”
“I was guarding the box, until he ran into me!” Sock snorted, and crossed
his arms.
“I wouldn’t have run into him if he hadn’t been in the way!” Harry
whined at Murphy.
“But it wasn’t my fault!” Sock begged to her, “The box was talking to
me and I was trying to make it shut up!”
“Talking to you…okay, explain.” Murphy crossed her arms and
listened intently. Sock recounted the capture of the demon in the
cupcake, Sam leaving him in the park to watch the box, the box telling him to
open it, and then Harry nearly knocking him out when they met.
“Sock, the box doesn’t talk,” Sam said finally.
“But it told me to open it! I swear!”
Then, before their eyes, a well-dressed man that looked oddly like an older
version of one of the guys from Robocop stood before all four of them.
“Actually, the box wasn’t talking to you. I was. I wanted to
test you.”
“Why?”
“I was bored.” The devil shrugged. “And you,” he said,
turning to Harry, “are a buffoon. But it was amusing to lead you on
that hilarious chase and watch you and the furry one here collide. I
really enjoyed that.”
“Jeez…what a jerk,” Murphy muttered under her breath, not realizing who
she was speaking of.
“Of course, honey…I’m the devil.”