My Beliefs
I thought for a while, I had my own unique beliefs system. It certainly was quite unlike any religion I had run across. See, I find religion troubling. I can't seem to quite "fit in” with any certain type of religion, as I seemed to be such a miss match of beliefs. I learned about different religions (except Satanism), but no matter how hard I tried, I found every single one not fitting.
I certainly am no atheist, because I do believe in some things. I believe in life after death and I do have a concept of beliefs that atheists lack (not talking about morality here). Agnostic doesn't fit me. The definition of agnostic is of or relating to the belief that the existence of any ultimate reality is unknown says on dictionary. Another states that a person who believes that the human mind cannot comprehend the beginning of the universe or the existence of God. One other dictionary stats are somehow who believes that it is impossible to prove if God exists. So basically an agnostic, according to these dictionaries is a person who finds it hard to believe in God but says it is possible. Thing is, I do believe in God, in a way. I'm not a Christian because I do not believe that Jesus is the son of God and he died so that our souls would go to heaven. To put it simply, I do not believe in Jesus Christ. But I am no Jewish person either. I do not descend from the Hebrew tribes of Israel nor do I practice Judaism. I certainly don’t practice those holidays. I hold nothing against those, or even Islam, but it didn't fit me. They are all so...conceited in truth, about how they are the one way to heaven. Those religions are always quarreling about that. Sure they have some similar factors, like they all believe in God and heaven and angels. They are also monotheistic (belief in one God). But that is where it seems to end. Though I do not know everything on history, there seems more friction between those religions and all other religions than I have ever seen. I am not saying those people who follow them are bad people (I have some great Christian friends), nor are they entirely wrong. I don't deny God. I also enjoy the morality that is spoken in the Christian religion. However, there are people who are extremists who ruin those images. I shake my head at the conflict happening in the Mediterranean right now (Israel against Islamic people, so it seems). Jerusalem has always been a holy city, a site of conflicts and it doesn't seem any close to ending and now I am going on a tangent. But anyways, those religions are just not for me.
But then I stumbled upon something pretty new to me about a couple of years ago, polytheistic, pagan, Wicca beliefs. So I never got serious about studying it...but it seemed, more so than the religions I mentioned, fitting. Maybe I'm slightly polytheistic, not exactly sure. A pagan in Christian terms is someone who wasn't Christian (following Jesus Christ). So that seemed kind of fitting in a way. I'm not Christian, though I carry morality around. But then I studied Wicca (Witchcraft). It was too ritualistic to me. I am not very ritualistic. I also hate bending knee in worship. My concept of the Divine (God or Goddess or what you will) are people who don't need my worship. Sure, it's nice to praise them, which I do. But with some religions, people kept talking on and on about praying constantly (in fore mentioned religions) and I am not a very ritualistic person. I don't dig ceremonies. But I also didn’t like naming the Divine. I just couldn’t. Names like Athena, Jupiter, Mars, Dagda, Rhiannon, Shiva, and Ra…they held no meaning for me. So simply, I just accepted the term Pagan. For a while, I went with the religion, Wicca, saying I was Wiccan, though my heart said otherwise.
Later on, I came to a church that I enjoyed. I thought, hey, maybe I can come to learn and love God here and maybe actually fit into my family. Well in a way, I did learn of God, but in a way I didn’t. At that place, I actually healed and so that put me into further belief of God. But then…I’m not sure what, I just couldn’t fit in. I was too different. So I accepted the term Christian, for lack of anything better and the fact that I also thought my family could accept me more. No matter what I do, I can never truly accept everything about the Christian religion. Heaven? Hell? Only one true God? Pfft. Though I still do enjoy Church, I’m not entirely with it. This Church that I go to, I go of my own free will. But why? Well one thing is true; it has had a positive effect on my life. I do community service, I actually learn there. I learned to forgive, which seriously one of the biggest problems in my life has been up until recently. My view on life also changed, I became less of a pessimist and more of an optimist and become happier. But now, there is something that keeps me coming back. There is a community spirit there, a great love for each other. Every body is so kind…and another thing, even if you don’t know anybody and it is the first time there and you need prayer, they seriously pray for you. I’ve had some strange experiences there too, though they haven’t convinced that the Christian image is right. This one time, I was at church and everybody was singing, something very Christian worship like. But something was different this time around. There was a pure unity that I had never felt there. A unity of heart I guess…not sure how to describe it. Plus the times that I have asked for prayer, they people have prayed for the very thing I needed without me or anybody else saying anything. Strange…but in it’s own way, not surprising.
It wasn’t until recently that I’ve come to accept my beliefs and found someone who held my same beliefs. I found some of the elven views familiar to mine, but not everything. Sure I believe in the Divine. I also believe in reincarnation. I believe in otherkin and magick. I can’t explain my beliefs entirely.
It wasn’t until recently that I’ve come to accept my beliefs and found someone who holds similar beliefs. I found some of the elven views familiar to mine, but not everything. Sure I believe in the Divine. I also believe in reincarnation. I believe in otherkin and magick. I can’t explain my beliefs entirely. I believe in nature and Mother Earth. I believe in a balance of what I view as the Light and the energies of the Earth. The energies of the Earth are the elementals. Maybe I am wrong and my beliefs will change over time. I do hold the belief of the Taoists that every single moment we change. We aren't the same as we were the second we were before, but we do not notice this change until days, weeks, months, sometimes years go by.
So...what label truly fits me? What path do I follow? Mostly my own. But label? Let's look at a definition of pagan that I pulled up.
-One who is not a Christian, Muslim, or JJew, especially a worshiper of a polytheistic religion.
-One who has no religion.
-A non-Christian.
-A hedonist.
-A Neo-Pagan.
So...I do not follow those 3 religions. I am not a Christian. A hedonist is someone who is in pursuit of or has a devotion to pleasure. Nope, I am certainly not like that. The definition of Neo-Paganism is: any of the varius religious movements arising chiefly in the United Kingdom and the United States in the late 20th century that combine worship of pagan nature deities, particulary of the earth, with benign witchcraft. Witchcraft? Well...I don't seem to have much to do with that. I have abilities and magick is natural to me. I don't do rituals or anything to cast spells...though I do have a basis for it (using crystals and herbs and all), however, I do not pracitice Witchcraft. Witchcraft can be considered as wicca or magic; sorcery. But I wouldn't go around calling myself a Witch, because it doesn't seem fitting at all. I'm more along the lines of a prohetic person. I am a Seer, though I do lack control. So, all in all, I'm just simply, when it comes to labels, a pagan.
