Once I was but a child lost in a world not of my own making, struggling to learn the rules and to obey the rules I felt had been placed upon me, real or imaginary it matters not for I found within myself the strength, the will, and the desire to be myself. Thus, I rocked the cradle within myself to seek and try to be the soul I am. I learned, "The me I see is the me I'll be and love". The essence of me is just to be who makes me happy and accepting that person, knowing that the past can not define me nor can it be changed, but the future is still a book to be written. It is the now and the tomorrows to come that I can influence and change. It is up to me now, to shape my life and to discover the delights that exist in this existence.
The road ahead may be filled with bumps and twists. I may become bruised and battered, but I can not become defeated unless I stop trying, stop believing in myself and who I am. No one else has the right to define me, or label me unless I allow them too. I know that at times I forget this as the troubles that follow me and that I must face weight upon me, but in the end, I can only do my best and my best just has to be good enough. I can only expect and demand my best from myself and as long as I strive for that then how can I truly fail?
Within this collection I am putting together with new and old rambling words, I hope that in some small way my simple words will touch others, showing them that they are not alone in what they are feeling, in what they may be thinking or going through. Thus, this is my tale, my story, my essence exposed for all to see, from the negative to the positive as I travel on my own journey, for the true virtue of the journey is not the final destination but the journey itself. I hope that all who glance upon this may find something they can relate too and touches them in some small way.
I lay no claim to being neither a great poet nor do I even feel that I am good, only that this is the outpouring of my heart and soul. Within each word uttered here, I claim only to be true to myself and whatever I may be feeling at the time I wrote the simple words.
Poetry to me are words written together to bring forth an image and emotion to those who are reading them. For me, my poetry is a reflection of my life, experiences, emotions, and thoughts. They are a reflection of who I am. They are an outlet for my troubling emotions and a way for me to discover what I may be feeling, what may be lurking under the surface. I have spent a good part of my existence detached from my emotions, distrusting them, fearing them, and living on logic alone. Yet, living on logic limits my life, trapping me in a web of deceit, of self-illusions, and thus, my writing allow me to discover my inner torment.
I first discovered the ability to write when I was thirteen years old. I had been a silent kid, a child without a voice, playing the part of a good girl, of trying to be prefect, and to be what those around me wanted me to be, or what I thought they wanted me to be. For during the day, I appeared like any other little girl, maybe quieter then most, but still a child. Only under the cover of darkness or within my own home did the darkness fall like a hammer smashing into glass, and I became what no child should have to be. However, to understand oneself one must understand the past and how it shaped one, influenced one, and only then can one change the things one doesn't like about themselves, and to march through life on their own terms.
Life isn't easy for it is simply an endless struggle, a journey of self-discovery, and a balance of good with the bad. Sometimes the scales are tipped one way or the other, but onward I continue to struggle seeking answers to my inner most questions. I lay no claim to having the answers only that I am seeking my own answers, solutions and understanding of my life. If in some small way my simple ponderings can touch another, to help someone else feel less alone, to allow another to know that someone can understand them then in the end, I have done more then I could hope for. In my view, only the reader can judge the worth of the words they are reading, and mayhap you will not judge me too harshly. Please enjoy the collection. |
