Author's Notes: Warning! The following is an attempt at a songfic! A Xellos/Filia songfic! The song is Can You Keep A Secret by Japanese artist Utada Hikaru, a.k.a. Hikki. I borrowed a translation in English to fit in with the story (or lack, thereof). If you want to hear or read the (better-sounding) Japanese version, go buy the CD, or get the lyrics at www.animelyrics.com. Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: The following characters don't belong to me. The following song doesn't belong to me, either. But boy do I love them. What can I say? I borrow dreams to keep living...

Can You Keep A Secret?

She sighed. He was here, again. Watching her, again. He kept visiting, kept coming around, annoying ang irritating her unfailingly every time. Why couldn't he leave her alone?

I can see what you think, babe
And I want to make it real
Quiet not for much longer now
Can you keep a secret?

He regarded her through closed eyes, a seemingly innocent, sunnily grinning mask of secrets. She turned suddenly, and their eyes met for a brief moment.

He felt it again. That weird pang in his heart.

Such a lovely shade of blue. It was the clear blue of summers, of crystalline pools flawlessly reflecting the robin's egg of sky like the finest sheet of glass.

He read them just as easily. Startlement. Confusion. Anger. Eventually she recovered enough of herself to glare at him.

Even now and ever, the password I'm sending you
Now, you can't be logging on and seeing anything... come on

"What are you looking at?!" She bit out irritably. She put out a resolute front, but he could sense what might perhaps be a bit of fear and puzzlement in her voice.

If possible, he blinked. He had not noticed he'd stopped smiling the moment their eyes met. He had been staring at her through slitted eyes. Mazoku eyes. He put the mask back on, almost too abruptly. The cat-like grin. The trickster's smile.

"Hai?" He asked innocently, raising an eyebrow at the question. His voice didn't sound too casual, did it? He certainly hoped so. Inwardly he berated himself. He'd slipped. He had let her see him in an unguarded state, almost too easily. He should be more careful. He didn't live this long by getting himself caught up in such trivialities.

Tell it now, stop it now
Just like this we'll hide it now
Hide it 'till it can't be escaping
Now believe it, but you can't 'cause it's
The sort of secret that you'd distrust so wo-o-o-oooh

"Namagomi," she muttered, turning away, just the faintest hint of a blush on her pale cheeks. "If you have no business here, please leave."

"Ano? Is that a way to treat an old acquaintance, Filia-san? I just came here for tea," He replied, the obnoxious, taunting lilt in his voice ever-present. "And here I thought dragons had better manners..."

She sniffed haughtily, crossing her arms. So proud. "We don't normally associate with trash, thank you very m-- what do you think you're doing?!?"

I can see what you think, babe
And I want to make it real
Can't be staying quiet for more
Can you keep a secret?

He sat serenely on the chair behind the dinner table, a steaming cup of tea in one hand and her favorite tea pot in the other. "Helping myself to some of your exquisite tea, my dear. You really do know how to make quite a delightful cup of tea. And thanks for the offer for staying. I didn't think you'd be polite enough to get me my own cup to drink with, so..." He held up his cup. "I don't suppose you'd care to join me, though?"

The flash of ire in her eyes. She fumed. He really had some nerve! Well, two can play this game. And what had she to lose? It's not as if she could make him go away even if she'd wanted. She was smart enough to know that, in the very least.

"Very well..." She sighed again, and fetched her own tea cup from the cupboard, settling down on the chair across him. It wasn't as if she actually wanted his company, she told herself. She didn't really have a choice.

You can see I'm not crying
'Cause you're staying by my side
Can you keep a secret?
Can you keep a secret?

Night. He'd left a while ago, probably off to some mission his lord and master had sent him on. Thankfully, she added, staring at the vanity mirror of her bedroom as she leisurely brushed her long blond hair. If he'd stayed any longer, she knew she was going to fall apart. Though she didn't want to think of the reason why...

What was it with that Mazoku? Why couldn't he leave her alone? What was it with *her*, for that matter? She shouldn't be... she surely musn't feel that way... could she?

Maybe I can't get closer
To what would be your ideal
But you won't see me changing soon
Can you keep a secret?

What a clever fake he was. What an innocent, sunny facade he projected, sure to put at ease whoever he was sent to confer with. But she wasn't one to be fooled. The very first day she met him she could feel the undoubtable wave of darkness, of evil, that emanated from him.

Evil. She had to remind herself that. She shouldn't let herself falter, let herself fall into his trap. For she knew this was a trap. It had to be.

He lived on pain and suffering. He doesn't care about anything but what his master orders. Of all the Mazoku, he was one of the most powerful, the most evil, the most cunning and deceitful. He would kill her without a second thought. He probably let her live because he didn't have orders to, or he enjoyed toying with her, or... yes... perhaps, he knew...

See now, if I become sad
You'll be there for me to call
Can you keep a secret?
Or is it now a secret?

He materialized quietly by her bedroom window, a figure nearly indiscernible among the shadows. She had fallen asleep.

How beautiful she looked, even in the darkness, blond hair shimmering like so many strands of golden silk in the moonlight. How innocent.

He observed her silently, taking in every detail of her face. So many things troubled this dragon, that was for sure. She was having a harder time falling asleep, as of late, always sitting by her dresser, musing to herself. He didn't know if, inspite of the pains he took to keep his aura undetected, she was still able to sense him somewhat, or if it was simply a case of depression in her part. Dark circles were starting to appear under her eyes, and she was quicker to lose her temper whenever he came around. What could be the matter with her?

Even when I'm by your side
I'm finding a rather roundabout expression
I don't want to put you in a maze you can't escape, so
Won't you come on

He opened his eyes. Why should he care, anyway? But then, she was so much more amusing when she was mad, or particularly irritated at him. He decided he didn't really find a depressed Filia very entertaining. Yes, that was it. Loneliness didn't suit her. No, not that kind of pain.

Quietly, she walked to the side of her bed, gloved lavender hands brushing some of the hair away from her forehead. She slept on, snuggling deeper into the covers, a barely inaudible murmur escaping her lips. He smiled down at her gently, almost sadly, as he vanished into the night.

In the darkness, hear the noises
Sounds of running, moving shadows
Shadows that we can't be shaking off
With a little bit of risk, then
Maybe there will be a little courage to be hu-u-u-urt

She woke up, abruptly, blinking back the daze from her eyes. Darkness greeted her as she sat up on her bed. What was it she had been dreaming about? She recalled it was quite strange, and wonderful, at the same time... Then she felt something cool and light caress her forehead, and that felt comforting, too... She covered her arms. What was that?

She could have sworn somebody else was in the room with her. She stared into the night. The shadows shifted in a corner of her room, right beside the window. Xellos?

Then it was gone, the apparition dispelled by the clouds parting for the full moon.

'Now I'm imagining things,' she mused wearily to herself. Really, why couldn't she get rid of such ridiculous notions in her head? She closed her eyes, sinking back into the blankets, and returned to sleep.

I can see what you think, babe
And I want to make it real
Can't be staying quiet for more
Can you keep a secret?

**

Four days. Has it been that long? She mused to herself, as she closed the shutters of her store windows for the afternoon, having packed off her unsold pottery to the basement downstairs.

He hadn't shown up of late. Normally she would have breathed a sigh of relief for his absence, but she was feeling anything but normal since... well, since he started visiting. And now, when she had just realized...

"Thinking about me, Filia-san?" He called out softly, smoothly materializing beside where she was looking forlornly out the window.

The dragon jumped. "Namagomi!" She shrieked.

You can see I'm not crying
'Cause you're staying by my side
Can you keep a secret?
Can you keep a secret?

He'd insisted to stay for dinner. Naturally she was rather apprehensive about it, but tonight she looked rather not in the mood of brandishing Mace-sama at him. Ah, yes, his dragon was acting stranger and stranger every time he visited.

Like during their meal, for instance. She was uncharacteristically quiet, no matter how much he tried prodding and annoying her out of her silence. She nibbled at her food thoughtfully. In an instance when he, more out of desperation to get a reaction out of her rather than to actually insult her, got perhaps a little too far, she did regard him, as if realizing for the first time that he was actually there.

She slapped him then.

He was too shocked to react. The sound of her palm connecting with his cheek resounded in the still dining room. It was painful, yes, but pain he wasn't exactly accustomed having with that uncomfortable feeling mixed in. Did the humans call it guilt?

She stood there for a while, a still figure, then turned away, murmuring an apology. She was trembling. She made an excuse of needing to clean up the dishes, and when he volunteered to help with that, she did agree, almost cautiously.

Maybe I can't get closer
To what would be your ideal
But you won't see me changing soon
Can you keep a secret?

Now she was standing in the porch of the small cottage that served as her home, staring ever so wistfully into the sunset. He couldn't help thinking how particularly entrancing she looked at the moment, the sun's rays bathing her in its dying light, making not only her hair appear golden.

"Lovely evening," he remarked almost off-handedly, appearing discreetly right behind her. She turned around. "Xellos..."

He took a step back slightly. Her blue eyes were soft, perhaps for once too tired to glare at him. What was it with her voice? It made him feel funny. Put... well, impossible ideas in his head. And his heart, too -- or what passes for his heart, as she would likely love to say. It is a rather strange feeling -- for yes, they do have feelings, howevver muted -- and he frankly didn't know what to do with it. "Hm?" He replied, eyes closed, as usual.

Hesitation. It isn't technically an actual emotion, but he could detect it just the same.

"I..." She stared down at the porch steps, hair swaying gently with the passing breeze. She paused, uncertain what to say next. Or how to say it. A sigh.

If it isn't just babbling
Prove it now, and prove me wrong
Can you keep a secret?
Or is it now a secret?

"... N-nothing..." She looked back up, staring right up at him. What was it with her eyes? "Good-- good night, Xellos," she amended almost too quickly, turning away. A few steps, and he hears the door close behind him.

Now and always I've been here
Keeping secrets in my heart
Don't go off, and don't tell anyone
Can you keep a secret?

She walked into her room, not really pausing to properly shut the door, and threw herself on the bed. Only then did she allow herself the liberty to cry. Silent tears turned into full-fledged sobs, wracking her drawn form. Dammit. Damn him. Damn herself. Damn this stupid world, and this stupid feeling.

She didn't actually ask for this, did she? It wasn't like she had allowed something like this to happen. But it did. And she had to pay for it, quite dearly. Was this what it's like? All pain and suffering? Rather ironic, isn't it?

He knew. Undoubtedly he knew. Why else did he visit so frequently?

"You don't think I'd leave you alone in a state like this, do you?"

His voice. From the doorway. He had been standing there all the time.

"Go away," she muttered, furiously brushing back the tears from her face. Instead the Mazoku walked to the bed, encircling her in his arms. She didn't resist, not now. Not yet. Warm... She found herself crying harder.

"Now, now," he said, almost soothingly, "what could be the matter, Filia-san?"

She furiously wiped at her tears.

You can see I'm not crying
'Cause you're staying by my side
Can you keep a secret?
Can you keep a secret?

She sat there on the bed, entangled in his arms, his gloved hands stroking her hair, her sobs abating finally till there was only silence. Stillness. Calm. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours. Peace. Shadows and light. Why can't things be like this forever? It wasn't too much a thing to ask, was it? So warm...

She jerked out of his embrace.

"I'm sorry..." she mumbled, avoiding his gaze, as she stood up and brushed some strands of blond hair away from her face. He let go of her almost too casually.

"Well..." He started, just with the faintest touch of hesitation in his voice, "I guess I shall be leaving now. Got a couple of errands to do, and I'm late as it is." He stood up, picking his gnarled staff up from where he had set it by her bedside.

Can't be hurting your feelings
Even if I promise you
Nobody will ever understand
Can you keep a secret?

He had to let her go. For a moment he thought he had completely lost it there and then, lost himself, and his identity, and she as well. Impossible. There was no way they both could go on with this. And yet he found himself quietly accepting that fact, that despite what the world said, and what practically everybody believed, he was...

"Ne, Filia?"

She turned yet again to face him properly. Ah, such beautiful eyes. A look of childlike bewilderment in them, this time, as he gazed down at her with open eyes. He didn't know what to say at the moment, or how to say it. Perhaps he never could. Perhaps he never should. But she'd know, wouldn't she?

He folded her into his arms and kissed her.

Quiet.

Eventually he pulled away, observing the delightful rosy color her cheeks turned as she looked up at him with wide eyes. Strange, though, he couldn't find it in himself to grin at her at the moment. "Good night, Filia," he whispered. One hand reached forward, thumb stroking her cheek gently, even as he released her.

She was silent for a moment. She understood. "You will come back again, won't you?" She began. "Promise me..."

You can see I'm not crying
'Cause you're staying by my side
Can you keep a secret?
Or is it now a secret?

He smiled at her, his expression uncharacteristically thoughtful, and perhaps a little sad. "I promise." The words went out just before he disappeared completely. "I will."

~owari~