Physics
"...Predict what will happen
to both the monkey and the projectile when gravity is turned on."
"Aristotle was a smart man... but he was largely full of beans."
"At that velocity, you become airborne. Of course, this may not be the *smartest* thing to do..."
"Gravimeter to car ratio is coming down in a serious way! Wait 10 years and gravimeters will be a tenth of a BMW..."
"So the moral of the story is: Don't get too close to a black hole."
"4 + 6 is 9? That must be that new math..."
"It always returns... provided there are no external things... Like air."
"... We'll find a highly slightly positive charge..."
(The answer) "is exactly very similar to what we expect."
"I give almost 95% of the points
there... Then the other 10% come in here..."
o.O;
So how many points *were* there?
"I will not give a question regarding capacitors on the test. But I might."
"If you have an old exam and you work it out, you may actually solve my exam problems.
"I *almost* gave you nice, good hints... But I didn't."
"We're gonna march through it now. Why? Because I'm a perverse guy."
"Am I mean and rotten enough to do that to you on an exam? Oh yeah."
"That's everyone's least favorite thing in the world... unless there's something else you like less."
"And it'll come... (pause) ... out. That's what you said!"
"I wonder where I left my brain. Maybe it's outside the door..."
"Maybe if you get insomnia, you can pull out the physics book and it'll put you right to sleep. That's a very good use for the book."
"It's going the same way... but up to the left."
"You say, 'I'm going to stop the current.' It says 'The hell you are. Who's the boss now?!'"
"I create a disturbance here," *Snaps* "which your eardrums pick up and send to the data processing lab upstairs."
"This is serious, serious goofiness."
"He's immortal, and he's got a clock, and he's watching us keel over."
"This is *not* an 'Aha!,' this is a 'Well!'"
"Mr. Block over here has a clock... he'd better have a head, too."
"I could recruit these guys... we could all be a relitivistic train."
"If I take the light from I-70 -- Of course, the curvature of the Earth might get in the way. Not to mention the trees."
"I would certainly *like* to believe they're right, because that would make me more or less right..."
"They're going to meet at infinity... which is 10 feet away."
* "You're sitting here in this
canoe in some nice, dry, frictionless water."
Computer Science
"It's in the basement of the
Library... you know, that building with all the books."
"You're not supposed to copy
off someone verbatim..."
So as long as we change the wording, we're OK?
"... You voluntarily have to eat..."
"Engineering practice is 'Keep it stupid-simple.' Let's change that around... 'Keep it simple, stupid!'"
"The other stuff regurgitates
in the back of your mind."
And isn't
that just a *lovely* picture...
"We need a name for the function.
Some name. Any name."
-"Scott?"
"OK, Maybe I shouldn't have
said *any* name."
"We did things very sorta pretty
well different."
You know,
I'm still trying to figure this one out...
"So, is your life cooler with a PDA?"
"20 years ago, it would have been Fortran. If you ask the Mechanical Engineers, it'd *still* be Fortran."
"I didn't take CS 100 because
I took 2 years in High School and passed out."
And after
he woke up, he decided maybe taking the class in college would be easier.
"It's difficult to crash a program (in C++) ... right now. Wait until I teach you DRAM allocation. It'll be a lot easier."
"Half of you will get this wrong. Zach, don't be one of those halves!"
"Your children can't touch
your privates, but your friends can!"
Chemistry
"Three ions were found absent..."
"So, have you heard about Sven and Olly?"
"And the total will be somewhere more than or less than 100. Or it will be 100."
"Uncertainties are a little
like Electrical Resistance..."
I don't
know where *that* came from... But I think I don't want to.
"Today we're going to talk about pork, sex, and a bunch of other things."
"It's a molecule's life... eat, sleep, change configuration..."
"I like phospholipid bilayers. They make me happy!"
(Preserving equilibrium) "It's like human nature. Someone tells you to do something and you try to get out of it."
"It's like the Senate... everybody is nice, and if you hate somebody's guts, you nod."
"Retribution you shouldn't talk about. You should just do it."
"That's the kind of peak that stays on the column for a long time, and then says, 'Forget you,' and divorces it."
Electrical Engineering
"It's a very fundamental data-storage
thing."
Optics
"Is this circle round?"
"This is red-blind. Doesn't it suck?"