First Place - Angst

Stepping off the plane into the pressing heat was the biggest culture shock I'd suffered thus far. The heat was more intense than I imagined it would have been. My father did warn me of making the flight in the summer, but I didn't have much choice in things. I'd waited it out, taken the last classes from January to June and realised I had to get away. I couldn't take seeing Severus in the corridor, the accidental bumping into each other when we both entered the loo.

I couldn't take the knowing stares from Blaise, despite the fact that he was trying to be sympathetic to my plight. I just had to get away.

As I made my way through the crowd, I struggled to breathe. The air was thick and oppressive, the people hustling and bustling about with their business, all of them knowing where they were going. I, however, was utterly lost. The sea of accents and shouting and hugging and crying reminded me I was going into the home of a man who still hated me.

He made it clear to me over the phone that although he felt guilty for hitting me and wanted to make it up to me, he was not happy with my choices. He admitted he was acting like a hypocrite and agreed that he would not bring it up so long as I allowed him to pretend it never happened.

I was all too happy to comply. Finding my luggage, I managed to navigate through the extremely small corridors and finally found my father waiting outside beside the car. It was all different. I'd travelled to the States before, many a time. My father had distant cousins that lived nearby and we had always gone on holiday to visit. But now, under these circumstances, it all seemed so... fake. Like I was hiding away from things I should be facing.

But I just couldn't take being a mistake any longer.

With strings pulled, my father managed to wriggle me into the University with just a little under a year to work out the papers. I was grateful and owed him more than I wanted to, to be perfectly honest. Still, everything was slowly falling into place.

"How was the flight?" my father asked as we headed to his flat.

I shrugged and watched the passing scene. "It was long, same as it always was."

My father let out a sigh. "It's not so bad here, once you get used to the heat. I think you'll be happy. It'll give you time to sort things out."

I nodded, hearing his unspoken words. It will help you realise you aren't gay. Well sorry father, because I am, and just because I was unhappy I wasn't going to change that fact about me. I was damn pleased to know at least one thing in my life was certain.

"Well I'd like you to take some time to relax. I'm not going to ask you what trauma prompted this sudden move, I can only offer some quiet."

"Quiet is what I need," I confessed and let the silence fall over us as we drove through the town.

I didn't want to think the new place I was living was ugly as we drove through it the first time, but it was. There were too many cars, no pedestrians. It was too hot, so hot the heat could be seen coming off the pavement in clear waves. There were barely any trees and the ones that did line the streets were desert trees. No leaves, covered in thorns and a sickly pale-green colour.

It was so unfamiliar and I wasn't sure how to react. It was dull and I craved a bit of green amongst the reddish rocks and dead landscape.

"It's really not so bad," my father said after watching my expression fall. "It has its charm."

"I reckon it'll just take some getting used to," I replied softly. I didn't really want to talk about it. It wasn't something happy for me. I just wanted to get settled and eventually my dad realised that and let me alone.

I had the whole of the summer to brood over the painful split up, the fleeing of my country like I was a damned refugee and to find a job. My father agreed to support me but I wanted to owe him as little as possible, not to mention acquire a flat away from his questions and his accusing eyes.

Taking a week off, I relaxed and tried to ignore the fact that the temperature was climbing to the point that would make water boil if left outside for longer than an hour.

The internet proved to be a source of amusement as well as a way to communicate with Blaise who was seemingly devastated by my departure. He was short with me and after some time didn't want to speak to me much at all. I couldn't blame him, he tried to be there for me and I pushed him away.

But all Blaise was at that moment was a painful reminder that I was a mistake to the one person I opened my heart to. My true heart. My adult heart. I knew it was a short time that Severus and I had been together, but it was what it was.

And I had to move on.

I began to arrange for a job and by the end of July I had secured a position at a very quaint little bookshop. There were only three other employees there, the old couple that ran the place and then their niece Tonks. Her proper name was Nymphadora Tonks but she hated it. I didn't blame her and humoured her about it.

The older couple, Kathy and her husband Thomas were rarely there, just happy to finish up the financial books and let Tonks and me handle the rest of the business. It was nice. The pay was regular and Tonks and I became fast friends.

She showed me round and I became comfortable in my new life. A month before term was to start, I was able to move into my own small flat just round the corner from the main campus and Tonks, to my very great surprise, offered to share the place with me.

It all seemed fine.

Still, I was wary. I hadn't shared much of my former life with her and wasn't sure how she'd feel if she learnt I had buggered my former professor. She was gay herself but still, dating a professor isn't exactly something that was smiled upon.

"So thinking of dating anytime soon?" Tonks asked over her large bowl of crisps as we lounged in the store during a lull in the customer traffic.

I shook my head. "Not really. I'm not a big fan of relationships."

"What about mindless sex?"

"Never really thought," I answered, and I hadn't. Mindless sex. Was it worth it? Likely not.

"It's great sometimes," she said, "but it can get a girl into trouble. You'll probably be more lucky than I am."

I laughed a bit at that. "Why? Because I'm oh-so-good looking?"

"No, you're ugly," she teased. "Really though, it's easier for men. They don't form these stupid feelings the way women do. We just seem to fall in love with anything that can make us moan. It's pathetic."

I didn't bother to tell her that I'd fallen in love with the only two people I'd got sexual with. "Well I'm sure we'll find someone in the end," I said with a sigh.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "I'm going next door for a drink. You want?"

"I'm fine," I said and put my feet up on the counter.

Skipping out of the shop, I knew she'd be gone a while. Tonks fancied the girl working at the shop next door and liked to go over and chat. I didn't mind, I could handle everything on my own.

Yawning a little, I started to drop off when the bell on the door signalled the arrival of a new customer. I knew Kathy didn't much care if I was lazy but falling asleep on people wasn't great for business. I stood and rubbed my face a bit.

"Am I interrupting?" asked a soft voice with a heavy French accent.

I looked over and saw a tall, thin man with greying-tawny hair and a pleasant smile staring back at me. He was dressed lightly for the heat and he was rather good looking. His eyes were what struck me first, a very vivid amber colour. It caused me a bit of pain, however, when I remembered that Severus also had the most unusual eyes.

"Sorry, the heat makes me tired."

"Not a problem. I'm just looking for a specific book and I was wondering if you could help."

"I can certainly try," I said and leant over to the computer. "Title or author?"

"The title is called Use Your Light. It's a rare book and I've not found a shop here that carries it."

I knew the book. I devoured any book that contained even a hint of a homosexual character. It was written by a virtually unknown author, published by a lowly company and never hit the mainstream market.

"We do have that book," I said and gestured for him to follow me down the aisle. Making him wait, I slipped into the back room where I kept my secret stash and fetched the book for him. "Where did you hear of it?"

The man took the book and looked at the plain cover. "Friend of a friend," he said with a laugh. "Have you read it?"

"Devoured every word. I wasn't so sure about this one, but in the end it was quite interesting." We walked back up to the counter and I gave him a small smile. "It's difficult letting it go, but I reckon I ought to share."

"Is this your only copy?" he asked, a small frown crossing his face.

I nodded. "It is for sale, though, I was just hiding it in the back for my selfish purposes."

Tapping his chin, he eventually smiled. "Why don't I promise to share? Will you work here long?"

"As long as I can manage," I said. My stomach did flip-flops. He would see me again, even though it was just for a friendly exchange.

"I'll read it and then I'll bring it back to share with you. Does that sound fair?"

I nodded and waved his hand down when he reached for his purse. "Well if we're sharing you might as well keep your money. Provided I can trust you to bring it back," I added with a wink.

"I am a dodgy fellow, you might want to take care with me," he joked. "Really though, you can easily track me down. I'm a professor at the University, you can come collect at my office if you don't hear from me soon." Reaching into his pocket, the man pulled out an ink-pen and scribbled his name and phone number on one of our complimentary paper bookmarks. Remus Lupin, unfamiliar and very fitting for him. "There. So now you can always find me."

With a small blush I slipped the bookmark into my pocket. "Just don't tell anyone I let you take it out. I could be sacked for that one."

The man, Remus Lupin, held his finger to his lips and winked. "I shall keep it a secret."

"Good," I said and suddenly desperate to keep him there longer I blurted, "So what do you teach? I'm there next term."

His eyes widened, as did his smile. "Ah I'm in the history department. This term I'm tackling the History of the Bible, both the Christian Scriptures and the Hebrew Bible though in different time slots, and the introductory courses. They make me teach those," he added with a laugh.

My face flushed though I tried to control it. "Does anyone else teach the History of the Bible courses?"

"Not this term, why? Will you be one of my unlucky students?"

I had to grin at that. "Seems so. Christian Scriptures to be exact. I'm a History student."

"Just my kind of person then," Remus said and sounded happy. "It's not often I meet someone who wants the classes."

I gave a small shrug. "I love them. I can't seem to get enough of history."

Patting the book and tucking it under his arm, Remus tipped me a wink. "I shall look forward to seeing you again, then Mr..."

"Potter," I said. "Er... Harry." I extended my hand and tried my hardest not to smile when his soft fingers gripped mine.

"Remus Lupin and I'm extremely pleased to have met you."

I fought back a blush as he extracted his hand from mine and started for the door. Just as his hand reached for the handle, the door opened and Tonks strolled in.

When she spotted Remus, her face broke out into a grin. "Remus! I thought you'd forgotten about me."

Remus chuckled and to my great dismay, he leant forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "How could I possibly forget you?"

"Well it's been ages," she complained with her arms crossed.

Remus chuckled. "Well I'll try to stop by sooner, especially now that I've met Harry here, who seems just my type of conversation."

This time I could not hide the blush and I rolled my eyes. "Just because I'm a history geek," I replied.

Tonks tapped her chin. "Yep, he certainly is your type of conversation. Now you can go bother him about your little theories and ideas and stop torturing me."

Remus chuckled again and pulled her into a hug. "But what would be the fun in that?" Releasing her, he took a step toward the door and tipped me a wave. "I will see you soon, Harry."

"Bye," I said and watched as he walked out the door.

"He's such an ass," Tonks grumbled as she plopped into a chair.

I had to laugh at that. "I thought he was rather nice."

"Just because you think he's hot," she said with a grin.

Horrified that I was at all obvious, I shook my head. "He's not hot. He's... old and... and he's going to be my teacher. And not that it matters but I think he fancies you."

"Not possible," she said with a wave of her hand.

"Why not?"

"He's as gay as you are, Harry. I've known him for years. He started teaching at the University just when my Auntie and Uncle opened up this shop and he's come in regularly ever since."

"Oh," was all I could reply with. Interesting information but I was still wary. Things were far too similar with Severus, which still pained me a little. Remus was a professor, a history professor, he had unusual eyes, he was much older than I was... it was just too familiar for comfort.

"He's great, Harry, he really is," Tonks went on when it was clear I wasn't going to share my thoughts.

"He seems really nice, but not my type."

Tonks snorted. "He seems exactly your type, Harry."

I let out a small sigh. "Yes, but I rather think that's the problem."

Leaning back and kicking up her feet, Tonks fixed me with an intense stare. "You can share with me, you know. I wouldn't judge you."

"I know you wouldn't," I said honestly, "it's still just painful for me."

"I'd still like to know."

It wasn't fair of me to keep it from her at that time, and Tonks really did mean a lot to me. So in that moment, I decided to open up and share. I told her everything from start to finish, beginning with Draco and ending with my decision to leave.

When I'd finished talking, Tonks was leaning forward in her seat, her eyes wide and wondering. "Woah," was all she said when I finished.

"Remus... he's great but I don't know him for one and for another, he's too much like Severus."

"But he's not an ass," Tonks defended. "He's really not."

"He doesn't seem so," I said slowly, "but I think it's too soon for me to think about buggering another one of my professors. Maybe I should wait out the term and see what happens."

Tonks sighed and shrugged weakly. "Well if anything, he'll make a great friend."

And she was right. Remus returned a week later after I had convinced myself I wouldn't see him again. It was a stupid thing to think of. He was a professor, Tonks knew him, and I was signed up for his class. I suppose at that moment I was just trying to deny that I both fancied him and didn't want to fancy him. It was confusing and it made my head hurt.

I was sitting behind the counter waiting for Tonks to return with our Chinese take-away when the door opened and Remus walked in. Now, at that moment I had taken my hearing aids out so when the bell sang, I didn't hear it. I was doodling stick figures on my little note pad, feeling bored and jumped three feet in the air when a warm hand fell on my shoulder.

My eyes darted up and I gave an embarrassed smile. "Hi," I said. "Sorry I had my hearing aids out so I didn't hear the door open." I began to fumble for the small pieces of plastic that I'd left in the drawer.

Popping one into my good ear, I looked up at him with a smile. "Are you totally deaf?" he asked with a slight frown.

"No," I answered and explained my condition as I'd trained myself to do for years. Profoundly deaf in one ear, partially deaf in the other. Blah. Blah. Blah. "So, did you finish the book?" I asked when my explanation was finished.

Remus nodded and sat down in the chair that was on the side of the counter. "It was great. How did you like it?"

"I wasn't really sure up until the end."

"I thought the idea was well played," Remus said and slid the book across the counter. "I'm not sure how I'd react to that choice. The life of my son or the life of myself."

"I don't know if I've ever loved someone enough for that to really be a choice," I answered honestly.

"Not even your siblings or your parents?" Remus questioned.

"I�ve no siblings. My mother is dead," I replied, "and my father... well there are more levels to that than I want to go in to."

Remus chuckled. "There always are. I think there are a few people I'd give up life for, though. And I'm not sure if I could watch my own son die just because I was too afraid to make the decision to save him."

It was an interesting thought, one that the book had provoked the first time I'd read it. "Do you have children?" I eventually questioned.

"No. Children aren't likely to be in my future, no matter how much I want them."

"I don't want any," I said. "I suffered enough at the hand of a parent. I don't want to be that kind of person to someone."

"You don't have to be," Remus said.

I shook my head. I couldn't expect Remus to understand the monster living within me. The person that was my father that lurked just beneath the surface. That person had appeared only once, when Draco had abandoned me. I could feel the monster aching to unleash against Severus but I'd kept it back. I never wanted to see another lifeless body, bloodied by my hands. It wasn't something I wanted to relive, no matter how little remorse I felt for Draco.

"Sometimes there are things you can't help," I replied softly and hoped he would just take the words for what they were.

He did. The conversation turned to more pleasant things and before long Tonks had returned with the take-away. "Remus," she cried and quickly dished out a third serving for him. The customers were relatively few and before long I realised that the three of us had spent three hours in friendly conversation.

"I think it's about time to close up," Tonks said, checking her wristwatch.

"I should also be going home," Remus said and finally stood from the chair. "This was quite nice."

"Yeah," Tonks said. "You've never bothered to stay this long with just me."

"That's because you always fall asleep half way through," Remus said with a chuckle and then suddenly turned to me. "Hopefully I'll see you soon, Harry. Perhaps I can stop by and you can give me another book recommendation."

"I certainly can," I said happily and grinned until he left the store. When the door finally shut I collapsed onto the chair and groaned.

"Oh you fancy him," Tonks said, prodding my arm. "Just give in."

"I can't," I insisted. "It's too much."

"You'll give in eventually."

I was certain she was wrong, but that all seemed to change the day I went computer shopping. When I'd arrived in the States I'd brought my laptop, which cheerfully died three weeks after I�d, arrived. Though my father had a well-functioning computer, I knew I'd need one for the up and coming term. Tonks gave me the name of a business that had computers so I headed over there, trying to stay alive in the pressing heat.

Once I was inside the shop, I browsed round but found almost nothing to my liking. I decided to ask the customer service desk if they had any suggestions and as I was standing in the queue, I felt a tickle along the back of my neck.

Whirling round, I was shocked to find a grinning Remus Lupin standing behind me. "What are you doing?" I gasped out.

"Queuing, just like you," he said with a wink. "Having a computer issue and mine was bought here."

"I'm trying to find one myself, but I can't seem to find anything I want."

Remus tapped his chin and then smiled at me. "Why don't we make a day of it? I can drive, since you don't seem to have a driving licence here."

I shook my head and grinned. Driving just hadn't been a concern for me, though I realised it was far too hot to depend on your feet to carry you. They had a public bus system running but it was complete rubbish. Just another thing to put on my to-do list.

"I guess I can't say no considering the heat," I finally responded. "Do you have an idea where we can go?"

"A few," he promised and before long, Remus and I had found my computer and were having a bit of lunch at the near by caf�.

"Thanks for everything," I said once I'd finished my coffee. "I didn't expect you to drive me round like that."

"I certainly don't mind," he said with a wave of his hand. "I didn't have plans of any sort."

I flushed a little and focused on the bottom of my empty cup. "Well I do appreciate it anyhow."

Remus clasped his hands under his chin and leant on the tabletop. "So tell me Harry, why did you come to the States? We've spent so much time talking but I've not asked you about yourself."

I worried my bottom lip between my teeth. It wasn't that I didn't want to share, but sharing would bring me closer to this man and I wasn't sure where that would lead me. I mean honestly, could I take having my heart wreaked havoc upon one more time?

"My father moved here," I finally responded after some thought. "He offered to fund my education and I couldn't argue with that."

"Well that makes sense," Remus said with a slightly careful smile. "Are you happy here?"

"Happier," I said, which was true. I was much happier. Since I didn't have to worry about whether I would see Severus, or worry that I would spot him with someone else, someone who made him happy. Someone who was perfect for him. No, I was far happier here with an ocean in between us. Even if I did miss Blaise fiercely.

"You still seem troubled," Remus said slowly.

"It's a long story," I said. "Troubled past."

"I do hope you're not running from it. I tried that once and I failed."

"I'm not running, I just grew tired of being reminded that..." I paused suddenly, realising I was about to share very personal information. How would Remus react to me if I told him I was tired of being reminded that I was everyone's mistake?

"Reminded of what, Harry?" Remus pressed.

"Tired of being reminded that there are things I just can't have," I replied, and meant that as well. There were so many levels to my pain and I wasn't about to address them all with a person I barely knew.

"Ah well I do know how that feels. It was why I left England in the end."

My eyes widened. "Oh? You were in England?"

Remus nodded. "I attended University there and ended up teaching. A relationship went bad, we tried to make it last but in the end our interests were far too different. I had to leave, I couldn't watch him move on without me."

I leant on my elbow and fixed him with attentive eyes. "And now? Were you able to move on?"

"It took some time but yes, eventually I was able to move on easily. It was when I realised that he wasn't what I really wanted."

That thought struck a cord in me. Not what he really wanted? Was Severus what I really wanted? What could I possibly want about Severus? He was an ass, he refused to compromise on anything and he never treated me like I wanted to be treated.

Shaking my head, I sat back and crossed my arms. "Who knew life would be so damned complicated?"

Remus chuckled. "They really ought to give us guide books."

"Did you ever figure out what you did want in a relationship?" I asked boldly, ready to be ignored.

"Yes, I did," Remus said. "Basically I realised I wanted someone to worship me as I was prepared to worship them. I do know that relationships are about compromise, about conflict, love and hate. I know there is no such thing as perfect love or unending happiness. But that doesn't matter. In the end I know I can achieve my vision of what should be, so long as I found the right person."

Remus had it right. It was as though he was giving precise words to the feelings that were swimming round my head. "I know what you mean," I said with a sigh. "Now all I need to do is find that man."

I think when I said 'find that man', Remus realised that I really did swing his way. I hadn't told Remus of my preferences and I think he just assumed I was... or wasn't. He never called attention to it anyhow. But after that moment, Remus became exceedingly uncomfortable with me and shortened our chats.

I was utterly dismayed by this but I didn't wallow in it. Instead I focused on preparing for my classes, for the new life I was officially entering in to. Tonks was a huge support for me and by the end of August, I was ready.

When I entered that first class Remus was to teach, I spotted it only half full. I didn't know how things were going to work with him as my professor. With Severus it had always been business, it had always been teacher first, lover second. But with Remus it had always been different. During the short time I'd known him he assured me that I was his friend.

Deciding to sit near the front so I could hear him best, I took my seat and waited rather impatiently. I spotted several seasoned students walk through the door and take their seats, chatting happily.

"What time is it?" one of the girls asked her friend.

"Oh it's already ten-thirty but you know Remus, he's always late," the other girl said.

There was a slight laugh and a few moments later, Remus walked through the door. He was dressed casually, black trousers and a light shirt and he looked as gorgeous as ever.

Suppressing the urge to slam my head on the desktop, I fixed Remus with a smile as he stepped in front of the class.

"Morning," he said and winked at the girls in the front. "I see you can't get enough of me."

The blonde girl giggled. "You know us."

"After nine classes I'd say I do," Remus said. "Well to those of you who don't know me, or who tried to forget me," this got a light laugh, "my name is Remus Lupin. And in case you're too hung over to remember which class you're in, this is the History of the New Testament. It's also Monday, in case you didn't know."

I rolled my eyes but laughed along with the rest of the class. The air had lightened significantly and I realised that perhaps this class could be easier than I thought. It was better than Severus', that was for damned sure. Remus was as friendly to the other students as he had been to me.

And that thought also bothered me. He was a natural people-person. His humour was just as quirky with the girls in the front as it had been with me during our intimate caf� moments.

So what did it all mean? What did it mean for me? Did I have a hope? Well at that moment I was thinking not bloody likely.

But still, the semester passed easily. All of my classes were pleasant... well for the most part. I hadn't any trouble with my father, living with Tonks was just as brilliant as it had been in the beginning and Remus and I grew increasingly more friendly.

The bookshop chats ended since I was bogged down with unending amounts of homework and Remus was bogged down with essays to grade. But the emails were frequent as were the long corridor chats when I spotted him on his way to or from his office.

Finally, the time came for the end of term exams. His was the easiest by far, and by the end of the week I was exhausted, stressed but confident I was ready for the next term.

As I placed my paper face down on Remus' desk, Remus caught my eye and motioned me closer to him. "Meet me at my office on Monday."

I had to grin at that. "Okay," I whispered back and practically skipped back to the bookshop for my shift.

The weekend passed far too slowly for my liking. Each shift I spent watching the door, hoping Remus would decide to visit or chat sooner. Every night I'd return to the flat with a pointless hope that Tonks would spontaneously invite Remus over for dinner.

Each day and each night I was disappointed. But I still had Monday. Monday. It was the day, I was going to make it the day. I'd plucked up the courage to face my own feelings about this and knew it was time.

Since Remus didn't specify which time on Monday to visit, I chose the mid-afternoon so I was certain he'd be there. Waiting the entire morning was probably the most difficult thing I'd ever had to do and I spent the bulk of it pacing the inside of my flat.

Tonks decided she couldn't watch me anymore after the first hour and took leave of the flat. I didn't really notice, my thoughts solely consumed with the image of Remus and what we might do together.

By eleven-thirty I was ready to go. Gathering my things, I headed outside and walked the short distance to the campus. Now that it was winter the weather was far more tolerable. Thick trousers and a jumper did the trick and the walk was quite pleasant.

The campus was still crowded with students taking their last minute exams and signing up for their next courses. Waving to a few people I knew, I slipped in through the side door and headed up the stairs to Remus' office.

I could see him at his desk through the small window and I tried to hide my smile as I approached the door and knocked. When he turned, his face split into a wide grin and he motioned me inside. "Go ahead and shut the door," he said as I slipped inside.

Complying, I lowered myself into a chair and smiled back at him. "How goes the marking?"

"It's probably the most frightening stack of exams I've ever marked, your class. They were awful," Remus said with wide eyes.

My stomach sank. What would he think of me if I'd failed the exam? "I er... was mine that bad?"

"Oh no, not my prized pupil," he said with a laugh. It was true and it wasn't deliberate. I had gotten full marks on almost every single assignment and exam in Remus' course. And it wasn't just his brilliant teaching, either. The subject was probably the most interesting I'd taken thus far.

I held my breath a bit as he reached into his stack of exams and drew out mine. With a grin, he slid it across the desk and in his usual fashion, he�d fixed my marks on the left corner. Full marks. On the final exam. Full marks.

I couldn't stop the pleased grin from spreading across my face. "And this isn't you being biased?"

Remus chuckled. "Of course not. You deserve those marks. I'm pleased that at least one person paid attention to the material during the course."

"Well I thought it was a great class," I answered.

Sitting back, Remus crossed his arms over his chest. "Since you can't woo good marks out of me any longer, what do you say to having dinner with me? I'm sure you'd like to celebrate the end of the term and I've found this lovely little Italian place just round the corner from my house."

My stomach clenched and I was almost positive I'd heard him wrong. "Oh... uhm..."

"If you don't want to, you can say so," Remus said quickly, a flash of disappointment in his amber eyes.

"Oh I'd love to," I hurried. "I just wanted to make sure I had a free night this week." It was a lie, but a convincing one.

"Do you?" Remus pressed.

I did, of course. I never worked at night and any time I needed off I was given. "I think I can manage some free time tomorrow night," I said, and then bit down on my lower lip.

Remus smiled, a faint bit of pink colouring the tops of his cheeks. "Excellent. Shall I pick you up?"

He was offering to come over to my flat to pick me up. This had to be a date. "Oh that sounds great," I said and scribbled my address down on his notepad. "What time?"

"Six is always a good time for dinner," he said with a wink.

Any time was perfect for me, though I didn't say it. Instead, Remus and I fell into pleasant conversation for the better part of an hour. Eventually I had to get to work and I knew Remus needed to get back to his marking. Bidding him a farewell, I practically skipped down the stairs and all the way to the shop.

Tonks was already there when I arrived. She was clearly trying to look passive but her eyes shone with curiosity. "Have a good day?" she prodded, her lips twitching into a small smile.

I laughed. "Interesting enough," I said. I had a mind to tease her and not tell her but I was bursting to know. So it all came out in one huge gush. "A date? Not a date?"

Tonks tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Six is a rather date-ish time, you know."

"Yeah," I said slowly.

"And an Italian restaurant isn't usually made for friendly random dinners. Italian is romantic."

"He could just fancy the food," I said, trying to talk myself out of the excitement and hope.

"I dunno. He's never taken me out for Italian and I've known him for ages."

My mouth stretched into a grin and I accepted the anticipation for what it was. The rest of the night was spent speculating, wondering and making plans. Tonks, of course, had my entire outfit planned out and she gave me advice on how to wear my hair, what to say, how to laugh... all that sort of rubbish which I planned to ignore.

Eventually, about midnight, Tonks and I retired to bed though my sleep was little. I managed a slight lie-in and spent the whole of the day fretting that I was reading too much into Remus' words and actions. And then again, what if he did want something more? What was I to do then? Did I want more? Just because I fancied him didn't mean I was ready for a relationship.

I left these thoughts to myself, finding them too personal for Tonks' analysis. Instead I focused on my excitement and spent the bulk of the afternoon sketching,

Just as six o'clock approached, I was ready and waiting for Remus to arrive. He was a bit late, causing me to fret even harder than I had been, but when he arrived looking casual but oh-so-sexy, all of the worry disappeared.

We headed down to the street and I climbed into his black SUV. "Peckish?" he asked as I settled into the seat.

"Yes I am," which was true. I hadn't managed anything for the entire day and my stomach was thoughtfully reminding me of that fact. The restaurant was fairly empty when we arrived and we were seated straight away. Ordering a plate that was sure to be too much for me, I sat back and enjoyed Remus' presence.

He kept the conversation going smoothly until our server arrived with our plates. The server had been a classmate of mine in my Chinese History course. He was rather nice, though he made me uncomfortable at times with the winks and stares he would give me.

"Harry," he said, sounding quite pleased. "Nice to see you again."

"You too, Luke," I said hesitantly. I fixed Remus with a helpless gaze as Luke slid into the seat next to mine.

"Didn't think I would see you again after the term ended."

"Er, yeah," I answered, coughed and shifted over a bit.

Remus smiled pleasantly. "So you're a student as well?"

Luke blinked as though he only just realised Remus was there. "Yeah I am. I had Harry in my Chinese History course. Who are you?"

"I taught the History of the New Testament this term. Harry and I were just celebrating his perfect marks on his final exam."

Luke's eyes widened. "Perfect marks? On a final?"

I nodded, blushing a little. "It was really easy."

"So says the only student who got good marks on the final," Remus teased. "And since this is a celebration, do you think we should order a bit of wine."

"Yes," I gasped out, desperate for Luke to leave. "Wine sounds great."

Luke smiled and stood. "Well I'd say you deserve wine, Harry." And with that, he ambled off.

Letting out a slow breath, I rolled my eyes. "Well that was lovely."

"I think he was trying to chat you up."

"He was, spent the whole of the semester doing it," I groaned.

"And you're not interested?"

I shook my head firmly. "Not in the least. He's just... not my type."

Remus smiled softly and signaled for us to tuck into our food. It was rather good and before long I had consumed most of what was on my plate. When Luke arrived with our wine he was bogged down with several tables and ended up not being able to stay.

I grinned secretly at this though found it irritating when he spent most of his time smiling and winking at me. "Why does he keep doing it?" I finally wondered aloud. "I haven't given him a single hint that I'd be interested in him."

"False hope?" Remus replied in a strange tone.

"Well I don't like it," I said petulantly.

Remus gave a small chuckle and before I could say anything more, Remus got out of his seat and slid next to me. "Enjoying your wine?" he asked in a very low voice.

I swallowed thickly. "It's nice."

"I know how to make it better," he said. Reaching across the table, Remus picked up his glass of wine and set it in front of him. Then, reaching for my ice water, Remus plucked out a square cube and placed it on his tongue. He took a mouthful of wine into his mouth and before I could wonder what he was doing, he took my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine.

I opened my mouth automatically, losing myself in the feeling rather than wondering what was happening and moments later the ice, wine and Remus' prodding tongue entered. I swallowed instinctively until only the melting bit of ice was left and Remus had pulled away.

Remus smiled hesitantly as I tried to control my blush. "You're right," I said eventually, "it does taste better that way." When I looked up, I saw Luke watching Remus and I with a shocked expression. He didn't bother to conceal his fury and stormed away, refusing to see us again.

The rest of the meal passed in a strange and tense silence and I didn't bother to try and break it. Eventually the two of us headed back to my flat and before I got out of the car, Remus stayed me with a hand on my wrist.

"Can I see you again?" he asked.

I had been certain he wouldn't want to, so the question startled me and I hesitated in my answer. "I uhm... of course. I'd love to see you again."

"If you have any reservations about this..." he started but I held up my hand.

"The request just startled me," I told him honestly.

With a smile, Remus reached out, took my chin in his gentle fingers and kissed me once more. "Until tomorrow then." And that was the last thing spoken between us as I headed up the stairs.

Well my questions had been answered and despite the giddy feeling that had settled in the pit of my stomach, I knew I had one thing left to decide. Was Remus worth the potential hurt?

Greatest Mistake - Chapter 3

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