First Place - Angst

"What are we doing James?" Severus asked, cradled in the arms of the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain on a couch in a room he hadn't known existed until that day.

James stirred behind him, most likely half asleep. It was hours after curfew and they had met after another of James's grueling quidditch practices, "I was sleeping."

"That's not what I meant," Severus snarled, got up, and started pulling on his clothes. It was only a few months into the term, a few months since they had locked themselves in a train compartment on the Express, and Severus was beginning to feel things for James that he had never felt for another person. It frightened him.

"What do you want to know?" James remained reclined on the couch and looked at Severus questioningly.

Severus slipped his robe on over his clothes, "How many people have you slept with?"

"Is that really...?" James looked irritated and Severus glared. James backed down with a sigh, "Fine. Just give me a minute." The minute was much longer than sixty seconds and Severus watched impatiently as James stared up at the ceiling and counted in his head. James colored slightly and Severus knew he had come up with his final number, "Thirty-seven."

Severus's eyes widened. Even the rumor mill that kept the population of Hogwarts informed and entertained didn't get close to the truth, "And how many of those this year?"

"Just one," James looked both embarrassed and a bit hurt, "only one Sev."

"Really," Severus didn't fully believe James, as much as he wanted to. The Gryffindor had so much energy, in every way imaginable, that containing it for one person was highly unlikely.

"You haven't been paying attention to the rumors," James chided Severus. "According to the majority I'm off the market. Either that or Padfoot played a prank that went wrong and I can't get it up anymore." James smiled wickedly.

Severus had to respond with his own smirk, "Well we know that one's not true." His smirk faded, "When Evans caves, though..."

James stood, and either completely unaware of his nakedness or totally unselfconscious he walked over to Severus and sighed, "We should have talked about this weeks ago." James lifted a hand to run a finger along Severus's jaw line. "I've probably loved Lily since the moment I laid eyes on her. If she ever returns that love, she has to love me with everything I am. Right now, that includes you and she knows it."

"Right now?" Severus narrowed his eyes and cursed his body for how it was reacting to the proximity of James's naked body and the light touches he was bestowing on him.

"I'm not a seer Sev," James stepped closer and Severus moved to meet him without a thought. "I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or the day after, and I don't know what you want. All I know is I love Lily... and I love you."

James kissed him and Severus felt himself melt. He kissed back fervently and traced the outline of firm muscle on James's back. James pulled back from the kiss and Severus was staring into the deep hazel eyes. He knew that James was waiting for an answer... and he finally knew what to say.

"I love you too," Severus ran his hands through the messy black hair. What he said next was the most difficult thing he ever said, "and I can accept that you love Evans as well."

The grin that crossed James's face made Severus's breath catch in his throat and he almost stumbled backwards with the force that James put into his next kiss. The Gryffindor was suddenly full of energy again and he began eagerly and roughly undressing Severus.

"I guess I shouldn't have bothered with the clothes," Severus gasped out between kisses.

Deft fingers unbuttoned Severus's shirt and discarded it on the floor. His undershirt was lifted over his head and for a short time trapped his hands as a mouth closed on his nipple, licking and biting it. The shirt was tossed aside and the mouth came up to claim his, then travel down his jaw to a particularly sensitive area of his neck.

James hummed into his neck, "But I love undressing you."

Severus woke to an empty bed and closed his eyes tightly, trying to get back that feeling, to continue living in that past. He twisted the ring on his left hand, the gold filigree that James and Lily had picked out for Severus's approval.

That night had opened up the conversations about James's sexual past and his two lives at Hogwarts, as a Marauder, and as the Gryffindor Playboy. He admitted that they had crossed over once but refused to say when or who with, only that he had slept with just one other Gryffindor in their year only one time before Severus and Lily. Outside of that group he had slept with almost anyone who was willing, rarely dating a person for more than a few weeks, with several partners that he frequently returned to.

Twenty years later Severus still didn't know who that other person was. The only thing he had managed to discover further was that it wasn't Pettigrew, thank Merlin. One of the many things that had wedged apart the Marauders was Pettigrew's discomfort with James's promiscuity.

When he had reflected on it in later years James had been somewhat ashamed and changed his own title from Gryffindor Playboy to Gryffindor Slut. Lily had always sighed whenever it came up in conversation and reminded James that it was in the past and he had changed of his own volition.

It was very early in the morning, at the time when the sky was just getting light enough to identify the shapes outside but not light enough to truly call it morning. Severus felt his chest aching, longing for those hazel eyes, the hair that had been recreated perfectly in their son, the soft hands and quickly moving mouth. Sleep was a lost cause.

Shortly thereafter he peaked into the next bedroom and saw Harry twisting and turning in his sleep. It must have been a night without the potion. Severus had assured Harry that he could wait until the war was over to stop taking the potion and confront his inner demons, but he privately admired his son's determination to take the harder path and heal his mind while he trained his body for a war that had claimed him before birth.

"SIRIUS! NO!" Harry's cries were clear once Severus stepped inside the perimeter of the silencing charm Harry kept on the room.

Severus gritted his teeth. How did someone he absolutely hated, and who hated him with equal fervor, have such a prominent place in the lives of the only people he ever loved? He wanted to resurrect Black and kill him again for causing so much pain but he knew he never would. Not only was necromancy just plain wrong, but Harry would condemn him if Severus ever hurt the mutt.

"You're safe Harry," Severus whispered. "The demons are nowhere near." He wanted to wake Harry and comfort him but had promised not to the night they arrived at the cottage, when they had set the ground rules for their time there.

In the kitchen Severus steeped himself a cup of strong tea. He walked outside and sat in a chair that Harry had called 'lawn furniture' to watch the sunrise. Anyone who claimed that the sunset was a perfectly good substitute for watching the sun rise above the horizon in the morning had never done so. The two were as different as the times of day they heralded.

It was the last day at Highlands Cottage. That evening Harry would leave for his final week of summer vacation and Severus would return to Hogwarts to prepare for the school year. He wanted to make the day last as long as ten years, to put aside the war and school and live a peaceful life with his family, even if it meant opening the Floo for the passel of Gryffindors that were a permanent fixture in Harry's life.

Severus's uncle would never have approved of the choices he made, and he hadn't known his parents well enough to know what they would have thought of the life he made for himself. He swore to himself that whatever choices Harry made he would never abandon him. As the boy's father he would try to guide him away from poor decisions but would not force him.

"Happy Birthday Severus," Severus toasted the last of the stars in the sky.

Once the sun had cast its rays everywhere Severus could see, and shone in the sky like a brilliant golden orb, he went back inside and began preparing breakfast. He had bacon sizzling, coffee percolating, and had flipped the first batch of pancakes when he stepped away from the stove to set the table. As he set down Harry's plate there was a 'pop' and several gaudily wrapped boxes and brightly colored envelopes appeared on the table, all with his name on them.

Severus almost dropped his own plate in shock. When he had envisioned what the reaction would be from the world at large if he ever stopped acting like such a bastard to everyone, he had seen many more heart attacks and fainting spells... and far fewer gifts. He recognized the writing on a few. There was a small box from Albus, the yearly book and socks. Minerva's neat print was on one box, and Filius, Pomona, Remus, and even Hagrid were represented. There was a plain looking envelope, but fairly large, that was addressed simply to 'Dad'.

"Happy Birthday."

Severus turned to see Harry stumbling towards him, bleary eyed and still half asleep, following the smell of coffee, but still somehow able to perform the spell that transported his gifts to the kitchen table. Harry was the only who could have, as the spell could only be performed from within the house, unless...

"Thank you Harry," Severus replied. Harry smiled lazily and started on his first cup of coffee, not taking the mug from his lips until it was drained. "We are the only ones here, right?"

Harry nodded and poured his second cup from the carafe, adding just a little milk and sugar, "I didn't think you went in for big parties and all that. It's just us today."

"Again, thank you," Severus breathed an internal sigh of relief. He was still amazed at the pile of gifts on the table. For eighteen years he had only received gifts from Albus.

That sat down to breakfast and Harry's smile grew wider as he woke up fully. The normally controlled Gryffindor was starting to act more like James, shifting in his seat.

"Yes?" Severus asked as he finished his pancakes.

Harry looked up from his empty plate, "Are you going to open your gifts?"

"Is that why you can't sit still?" Severus blinked and took in this new bit of information. Harry hadn't been that anxious at his own birthday party. He had almost been in a state of shock for most of the party and just followed the crowd and Longbottom's lead.

Harry nodded, "I only know what a few of them are."

Severus gave in and began to carefully remove the brightly patterned paper from the boxes. Albus's gift, as predicted, was a book that Severus had been waiting to come out, before it was released, and a pair of thick wool socks, black. The only surprise was the color as Albus normally tried to impose his own peculiar fashion sense on others. Most of the gifts were books, many of which he already had but could exchange for others, surprisingly from all of Harry's close friends.

Hagrid's gift was opened cautiously and with a knowing smile from Harry. Inside was a cake, chocolate on chocolate, with 'Happy Birthday Severus' in green and silver icing. Severus was skeptical, having heard of the half-giant's reputation for rock-solid baking.

"Don't worry," Harry grinned. "Birthday cakes are the only edible thing I've ever gotten from Hagrid."

Severus just nodded and continued to open boxes and envelopes as Harry passed them across the table, obviously saving his own for last. The Weasley family had gotten him a gift certificate for the apothecary he frequented, knowing they couldn't possibly guess what he didn't have. There were also a few rare ingredients that Bill must have picked up in Egypt.

The box from Charlie contained a fine supply of dragon's blood, scales, claws, and various other ingredients that were particular to certain types of dragons. From a dragon handler, the gift was one of the time spent collecting the ingredients and a bit of luck on Severus's part that a dragon had died with appropriate timing. From anyone else the gift would have cost a small fortune.

"Impressive," Severus took in Harry's expression and knew that Harry had been aware of the contents of that box. "You will have to take give him my thanks."

Harry didn't catch Severus's hint in his rush to pass over the final gift. Even without the gift of empathy that Harry and Charlie both had Severus could tell Harry was nervous about the gift.

"It might seem like too much," Harry said quickly before Severus opened it, "but I know you don't have one... and I wanted you to have it... and..."

Severus held a hand up, "Let me open the gift Harry, and then you can worry about my reaction."

Harry nodded and Severus slit open the envelope. He pulled out a thick stack of parchment, the topmost being a handmade card from Harry. He read it, smiled, and set it in the pile of cards before turning his attention to the papers that were his gift.

Severus blinked and read the top sheet over again, then flipped through the stack quickly. He looked up at Harry and saw a desperate, bordering on hurt look.

"Harry..."

"It's too much, isn't it?" Harry started to get up from the table, nervously clearing dishes with a finger flick or snap.

Severus stood and pulled his son into a quick hug, "It is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received. Thank you."

"Really?" Harry smiled and looked up hopefully. "You'll accept it?"

Severus nodded and took a quill out the pocket of his robes. He bent over the table and signed his name. Harry tapped the top parchment and said a few words softly and the parchment rolled into a scroll and disappeared, the final step in transferring ownership of Highlands Cottage from Harry to Severus.

"Help me clean up then come downstairs," Severus instructed. He had two things to give Harry before classes started for the year.

They banished the gifts to Severus's room and set the dishes to clean themselves. Harry followed his father down the stairs to the potions laboratory and waited patiently for instructions, as he did every time they entered that room. Their relationship always shifted slightly then to lean more towards professor and pupil than father and son.

"I have been working on this formula for over a year and have testing it on a few animals," Severus explained as he held up a tiny vial of cloudy fluid. "It should be perfect now, and I would like you to be the first to benefit from it."

Harry raised his eyebrows, "What is it?"

"Take off your glasses and lean your head back," Severus smirked and ordered.

Harry gave him a skeptical look but complied, fully trusting his Potions Master father. Severus tilted the vial over first one eye, then the other, letting a single drop fall into each eye. Harry blinked and the potion glowed white for a brief second before being absorbed into his corneas.

"It's..." Harry looked around the room in disbelief. He blinked again and rubbed his eyes. Severus merely watched and smiled. "My eyes... they're fixed. I don't need my glasses anymore. I see more clearly than I did with them!"

Harry folded the glasses that had been transfigured from a stick in Romania to replace the pair that got lost in his flight from Voldemort on the work table and hugged Severus tightly. Severus returned the hug, then picked up the glasses and transfigured the lenses, which Poppy had improved when they returned to Hogwarts, to plain glass.

"Continue to wear them," he ordered his son sternly. "Try not to let anyone discover that you are no longer as blind as a bat. It will surprise your opponent when your glasses are lost to no effect on your spell casting."

Harry grinned mischievously and slid the glasses that no longer changed the angle of the light back on his face, "I can just imagine his face. I love surprising that bastard. He loses all control."

Severus chuckled lightly. No doubt his son was the only wizard alive who could claim to enjoy surprising Voldemort and setting off his wrath. They spent the rest of the morning talking while they ensured that the supplies in the lab would last several months at least and that the room was clean. After lunch Severus made sure they were both packed and reminded Harry that they wouldn't see Aaron and Viviane again until they returned to the cottage. He let his son part with his grandparents in privacy, waiting to say his own goodbyes after Harry left.

For dinner that night Harry cooked the same meal Severus had made their first night in the cottage, his own favorite penne with vodka sauce. He noticed that Harry made the sauce from scratch and used true Russian wizarding vodka, but didn't want to ask how he had gotten it. The answer would probably make Severus want to curse at least one redheaded wizard.

He hated to admit it, but Harry was actually a better cook than he was.

"You should have no trouble with your Potions N.E.W.T. if you can cook this well," Severus commented after the meal.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Muggle cooking and potions have some similarities, but potions requires much more patience, precision, and adherence to the procedure. Cooking allows for creativity and many more mistakes."

Severus just smirked and Harry groaned in frustration, "Get your bag and meet me in the living room. I'll take your trunk with me."

Harry just followed him into the next room and held out a hand. His backpack appeared there, the size of a chocolate frog, and Harry smirked back at Severus.

"I'll see you September first," Severus said with his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Now, Charlie said you can apparate into the kitchen and he'll meet you there."

Harry's eyes blinked and widened perceptibly, "I thought I was going to Grimmauld Place."

"If you'd prefer to spend the week in London..."

"No," Harry said quickly before Severus could finish. Severus felt a wide smirk forming on his face. "Romania is great. I'll see you when the term starts."

Harry hugged Severus and apparated away before any change in the plans could be made. Severus just shook his head, laughed, and went into the study to talk to Viviane and Aaron once more before going to Hogwarts. He had corresponded with Albus and arranged for the portraits to go to Grimmauld Place for a time to consult on Order business and have some company.

Finding the Key - Chapter 9

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