First Place - Angst

Dumbledore did not seem surprised to see them. Harry stepped forward and placed the pensieve gently on the desk blotter.

"Someone projected the sound at the memorial," Harry started rebuilding his shields and barriers. There were only a few people now, but there was much more ambient magic. "I caught them leaving but didn't see who it was."

"How is Molly?" the headmaster directed the question at Mr. Weasley.

The normally joyful man was shaken, "Distraught. Charlie is with her, and probably the others by now. I should..."

They waited, but Mr. Weasley didn't say more. His anguish was leaking through. Harry couldn't block it all out. He was too upset himself to get his shields fully in place, so he settled for keeping his empathy and magic sensory only partially blocked. His Occlumency shield was more important, even if Voldemort couldn't invade his mind through the severed connection. The dark lord might find another way in.

"I will need to view this Arthur," Dumbledore said with compassion. "You may not want to be here."

Harry's father surprised him by stepping over to Mr. Weasley and placing a hand on his shoulder, "It won't be pretty Arthur. Once you see what happens there you will never forget."

"Severus?" Arthur asked and Snape nodded. Mr. Weasley took a steadying breath, "I think... one of us... the family... should see."

Dumbledore nodded and moved to tap the ceramic bowl with his wand, to start the memory again, but Harry stopped him.

"I don't want to be here," Harry said quietly.

"Harry," Dumbledore gave him a sympathetic look, "you cannot walk around the school until the Polyjuice wears off."

Harry laughed a little, a brittle laugh that was close to tears, "But I don't have to walk, remember?"

Dumbledore nodded and withdrew his wand, waiting for Harry to leave. Mr. Weasley stepped forward and hugged Harry tightly before he could go.

"Thank you for coming Harry," Mr. Weasley told him in a carefully controlled voice. "We all missed you."

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered, not able to control his voice at any other volume.

"You have no reason to be," Mr. Weasley squeezed him once more and released him. Harry didn't argue though everything in him disagreed.

Harry looked over to his father, "Lesson tonight?"

His father, still looking like Remus, nodded. Harry had his own clothes in his bedroom in Snape's quarters, so he vanished from the headmaster's office and appeared there, leaving his father and Dumbledore to explain to Mr. Weasley how he wasn't affected by the Hogwarts wards that prevented apparition. It was really a simple explanation. Because of his phoenix form Harry didn't actually apparate. What he did was similar, but different enough that he got around wards. No one actually knew exactly how phoenixes traveled like that.

They had taken two doses of Polyjuice at the memorial, so Harry had about forty-five minutes before he would look like himself again. Davey Gudgeon was bigger than he was, so he left on the Junior Marauder's clothing while he worked on the essay he had due the next day. Ron and Ginny were scheduled to come back then as well. Mr. Weasley hadn't seemed to blame him at all, so Harry had some hope that his friends didn't either.

Nothing was working to get Charlie out of his head. That moment when they made eye contact they had been suddenly open to each other and it was as if they were still in that bedroom on Grimmauld Place, as if Harry hadn't panicked and left. Charlie's eyes had been pained like Harry had never seen them though, and he knew that some of that pain was directly his fault. There was a knock on the door, and Harry was relieved. He needed a distraction.

"I'm looking for Harry," Hermione gave him a perplexed look from the corridor.

It took a second for Harry to remember that he looked like Davey, "It's me 'Mione."

She gave him a piercing look, then nodded and mouthed, 'Polyjuice?' Harry nodded and she stepped inside. He closed the portrait. "So that was you at the memorial. Was that actually Remus with you?"

Harry shook his head, "That was Dad."

"I thought something was off," Hermione said. "He didn't move quite right, but that could have been because the full moon is soon. I guess I don't have to tell you what happened then."

Harry shook his head. He had expected her to go to Grimmauld Place for the night to be with Ron, but McGonagall might have insisted that everyone return to Hogwarts. Hermione must have sensed how Harry was feeling because she didn't ask him any questions. She just took out her work and joined him.

"I know you're reluctant Harry," Snape said stiffly, "and I'd rather not do this either, but neither of us were given a choice."

Harry nodded. He knew that the prophecy demanded he learn these things, but he didn't have to be happy about it. They were in the forest again and Harry had his hand out, pointed towards one of the black squirrels. He tracked it through the trees with his fingers but didn't cast the curse. He just couldn't do it.

"Harry, if you cannot kill a squirrel how will you kill another human?" his father asked him harshly.

Harry winced, "The squirrels haven't done anything. I... I know I can cast it. I just don't want to."

His father put a hand on his shoulder, "You can't leave this to chance Harry."

"I know," Harry was whispering, not wanting to alert anything of their presence. "They have emotions Dad, like anything else. I don't want to feel them die. When I'm concentrating like that I can't shut it off."

Snape sighed and squeezed his shoulder. Harry could feel frustration and concern coming from his father. Dumbledore and Snape thought it was important for Harry to know he could successfully cast the killing curse, but for some reason Harry disagreed. He didn't think he would be able to use it when the time came, and he didn't think it would kill Voldemort.

"Harry...," Snape began.

"Look," Harry cut him off and turned to face him, "just trust me, okay? I could do it if I absolutely had to, but I don't think I will."

"You're sure?" Harry's father looked down at him. Harry nodded. "Fine. Let's at least get some practice in."

Before they could do anything Harry detected several large animals approaching. The thestrals were far away from their normal territory and Harry wondered what was making them stampede. They galloped towards Harry and Severus and they had to leap apart. Harry made a short jump, appearing about fifty feet away from where he had been. Then there were flashes of light all around him, curses.

The thestrals had distracted him and Harry didn't detect the Death Eaters that had closed in on them until the curses began. He couldn't see his father, and so he didn't know where to apparate to get to him and get them both to safety.

"Just go Harry!" Snape bellowed as the curses flew around them.

Harry felt the anger and pride coming from the figures around him as he blocked their curses, "You first!"

"Go!" Snape yelled, and his voice was cut off abruptly.

"Dad!" Harry yelled out. The thestrals were gone and the other side of the clearing was empty.

The only way Harry would be able to find him would be if he was taken too. He felt a burning rage building up inside him. He wanted to just let go and strike down all the idiots he was fighting but instead he let his guard down, feigning a stumble.

"Potter."

The voice echoed in Harry's head. It was vaguely familiar.

"Potter," his name was spoken more sharply and a hand impacted his cheek, hard, most likely leaving a bruise.

That time he knew who was speaking. He opened his eyes slowly and squinted, knowing they would expect him to be practically blind without his glasses.

"Belletrix," Harry said as he tried to push himself up and stand, but his ankles were bound in front of him and his wrists behind him, "I would say I missed you, but then I would be lying. Where is my father?"

She cackled, "He's dead little boy."

"Nice try," Harry snapped back. "Where is my other father?"

"He is around here somewhere."

Harry felt a smirk forming and turned towards the second voice, "How's the jaw Lucius?"

That time it was fist, not an open hand that hit his face. Harry mentally thanked Eliza profusely. If it wasn't for her blood that would have certainly broken bone or dislocated his jaw. It was bad enough though. His whole head was ringing and he tasted blood, probably his cheek cut on his teeth, one of which felt loose. He spat the blood out and looked around quickly.

He was in what was probably a cell, a small room. Belletrix and Lucius were the only ones in there with him and the door was closed. He could just knock them both down but he had no idea where his father was, how big the place was, or how many people he would have to go through to get at him, and he didn't want to give away his ability to cast spells without a wand. He would have to wait it out a bit. They wouldn't kill Snape yet. Voldemort would at least want to make Harry watch. He could take whatever they dished out and wait until then.

Belletrix was whispering in Lucius's ear and a sadistic grin was forming on the face of the former head of the Malfoy family, "Bella you are truly sick."

She twitched her wand and Harry's body levitated up until he was standing, leaning against the wall. She walked over to him and looked him up and down, "School robes hide so much."

There was a flick of the wand and Harry's robes were gone. He was left in the jeans and short-sleeved shirt he had changed into after the Polyjuice wore off.

"You were right Bella," Lucius said, still smiling. "He is rather nice on the eye."

Harry could feel that his holster was gone along with yet another fake wand. It was a good thing Fred and George had made several of them. He shuddered as Belletrix ran a hand down his face and chest and he glared at her with as much venom as he could muster. Her hand went under his shirt and she dug her nails into his skin. Harry felt a little tingle. His tattoo had traveled down to wrap around his calf for some reason.

Crucio!

Harry was down on the ground again, writhing in pain. His head hit the wall as he fell and his muscles jerked. His shoulders screamed out at him as his arms had spasms in the unnatural position. Harry clenched his jaw, not willing to yell out for them.

The curse let up and Harry heard two sets of laughs. There was no positive feeling behind them though. All he could feel from them was hate. He was on his back and his hands were starting to go numb. He tried to rise into a sitting position but a foot kicked him back, his head hitting the wall again.

"Now Potter," Lucius crooned, "you may only move when we say, or speak when we say. The Master decided we could have a little fun before he sees you."

"Fuck you," Harry snapped. They were going to do whatever they wanted. His situation couldn't really get any worse.

They hauled Harry to his feet and slammed him face first against the wall. He felt hot breath against his ear as Belletrix leaned in, "It's time you learned your place Potter."

Imperio!

The curse hit him and the nice foggy feeling came over him. A voice told him to take off the necklace. Why should I, Harry thought. The voice commanded him again, stronger.

Harry laughed, "It doesn't work for Voldemort and it won't work for you. Oh sorry Belletrix, you missed that while you were in Azkaban." A punch hit him in the lower back. "Beating me the muggle way Lucius? I thought you were a wizard."

A curse was muttered under someone's breath and Harry felt like something lashed against his back. Fabric ripped and his skin burned.

"Like that Potter?" Lucius hissed. The curse hit again... and again.

"We'll keep going Potter," Belletrix said in his ear while Lucius continued to lash him, "until you beg us to stop."

"Never," Harry gritted his teeth as the pain came again and again.

He was sure the back of his shirt was in shreds. There was not an inch of skin there that didn't feel like it was on fire. His suspicions were confirmed when the cloth was ripped off and tossed to the floor, what was once the back discolored and tattered. It took a long time, but Harry eventually blacked out.

They left for a time, and when they came back it was the same. Harry spent most of his time in a meditative state, focused on his magic and the magic around him, blocking the pain. There was a pitcher of water in the room, and he occasionally drank some, but had no idea how much time had passed.

He knew it would have been much worse if it hadn't been for Eliza. Harry wanted to cry out as curse after curse was called out. He forced himself to stay quiet and focused his mind on his father. Sooner or later they would be in the same room, and Harry would get them both out.

They spun him around again, "So Potter, nothing beats a good Cruciatus?" Lucius repeated his words of the previous spring. "We'll see if you still think that soon."

Harry withdrew into himself as the abuse continued. It took them a long time but his skin finally spilt open. Still, he would not give them the satisfaction of hearing him scream.

"Your father is much easier to break," Belletrix hissed. "We had him screaming in the first five minutes."

He just glared at them. They would not hear him scream. They would not see him afraid. He would not beg. He hoped his father was holding on. They said he had broken after five minutes, but they could have been lying.

"Perhaps we should try Bella's idea before you get too bloodied," Lucius said as if in deep thought. "After all, I hate to get blood on my robes. Let McNair and Avery in Bella. They deserve a little fun with the boy." Lucius leaned down to whisper in Harry's ear, "Tell me Potter... are you a virgin?"

What they couldn't do with torture was done with a few words. Harry's eyes widened and he swung, his fist colliding with Lucius's jaw again. The blond Death Eater was knocked to the ground and snarled up at Harry. A spell from Belletrix had Harry's hands tied again. As Lucius threw Harry down on the ground the door opened and two more Death Eaters entered.

"Have fun boys," Belletrix crooned and left, closing the door behind her.

Lucius aimed his wand at Harry, Petrificus...

"No Lucius," Avery pushed Lucius's wand away, "it's much better when they struggle. Hold him Walden."

McNair got down on his knees and pressed Harry's shoulders into the ground, pushing down on his arms, held tight behind him, and making the pain flare white hot. Harry saw colors dance before him and prayed for unconsciousness. He did not get his wish, and tears finally came to his eyes as his jeans were pulled down.

His barriers broke down as he was entered with a fast, painful thrust. One of them cast a cleansing spell and the stickiness of the blood drying on his back disappeared. The magic around him was brilliant, almost blinding. He watched as his own magic changed, the small green thread that had joined the crimson and gold growing in size.

There were grunts behind him as Avery finished. Another cleaning charm and Harry was violated again, his body tearing with the violence of the intrusion. The tears falling down his face were hot and Harry stopped struggling. He just wanted to get out of there, wanted his father, wanted Charlie, and Remus, and Hermione and Ron. No... he couldn't think of Charlie just then.

"Not bad for a little boy," McNair breathed stale whiskey breath in his face as Malfoy took his turn after another cleaning charm. "I bet your mudblood bitch is much better. After the Master kills you maybe we'll spare her, keep her for entertainment."

Rage came back in a rush and Harry could do nothing about the magic that whipped out of him. All three men were tossed against the walls.

"Stun him!" one of them commanded. The stunning spells just bounced off, but McNair kicked out, the toe of his boot striking Harry in the temple, and the light all disappeared, replaced by sweet blackness.

When he came back to consciousness Harry was in a different room, surrounded on all sides by black robes and white masks. Harry blinked and looked around. Voldemort was there, standing on an elevated platform, with Snape beside him. Harry couldn't feel his arms and the ache coming from his behind brought the end of his torture session back to him. His stomach twisted and lurched and emptied.

"Potter, we have so much planned for you. You should have taken my offer. Soon you will be begging for it. Severus, the boy is awake," Voldemort hissed. "Curse him."

Harry's eyes were wide with disbelief. Voldemort was ordering his father to torture him. Why hadn't they hurt Snape at all? What the hell was going on? He tried scanning his father to see if he was acting, if he had somehow convinced the Death Eaters he was still on there side... and got nothing, nothing at all.

Snape advanced towards him with his wand raised and Harry saw the dullness in his eyes. Even more strange... his magic was flowing backwards. He was under the Imperious Curse. The Cruciatus Curse hit, but all Harry could do was wonder how they had done it. Snape was one of the strongest willed people Harry had ever met, his mental barriers almost impenetrable. His father cast curse after curse and Harry's body jerked and writhed on the ground. They finally heard Harry scream.

Harry felt fury course through him, only this time it was controlled. He threw up a powerful shield and the curse stopped. The bonds on his wrists and ankles vanished and Harry got to his feet, amazed he could even stand. There was noise all around him, but Harry didn't really hear any of it. He lashed out with his magic and drew his dagger.

The colors from the magic of everyone in the room were almost enough to overload Harry's senses but he did what he and Ollivander had worked on. He saw through the colors and saw what was layered beneath them. Most importantly, he saw Voldemort, black and twisted and bright.

He was rushed from all sides and Harry swiped with his dagger, feeling warm blood gush onto his hand more than once. There were screams.

"How did he get a knife?" someone yelled.

Accio Snape! Harry's father, also firing curses at him, flew into his arms and they disappeared.

There was a heavy weight on top of him and Harry struggled against it in a panic. Snape's face, the eyes still dull but the mouth twisted with fury, loomed over him. They grappled for the dagger. A fisted hand hit Harry's face again, most likely giving him a black eye, but Harry drew his feet up between them and kicked. Snape was flung off him and across the room.

Stupefy!

His father was unconscious before he even hit the wall. Harry started shaking, trembling so hard he couldn't stop it, could hardly move from the floor. They were in the Shrieking Shack, in the room where Remus transformed every full moon when he was a student. He looked over and saw Snape slumped against the wall, a little trickle of blood coming out of his nose.

Harry had to revive him, and get medical attention for them both... and then Harry thought about what had happened. He didn't want anyone knowing, ever. With trembling hands Harry crawled to his father and found the vials of potion Snape always kept in his robes. He pulled out a random vial and vanished the potion from it, cleaning it thoroughly before propping it upright.

In his phoenix form Harry tipped his head and let tears fall into the vial. It was half full when he decided there were enough. He transformed back and poured enough of the tears to coat a few fingers, then reached into his jeans, which were hanging loose and unbuttoned. Just touching himself there was almost enough to send Harry into another panic. Tears fell from his eyes as he spread the phoenix tears on himself, then poured more to heal any damage inside. Done, he fell to his knees, shaking and retching. He felt dirty inside and out.

He flung the vial across the room when he was done and it hit the wall but didn't break. Snape must keep unbreakable charms on them. He banished the vial and cleaned the mess on the floor. Harry looked back at his father but he couldn't bring himself to revive him. If he was still under the curse Harry didn't want to fight him, to hurt him. Just seeing him was bad enough at that moment.

Harry focused on the hospital wing, and fell onto one of the beds. He cried out as his shoulders and back hit the mattress, which felt much harder than ever before.

"Harry!" Madam Pomfrey came into view, though one of his eyes was swollen shut. Harry wondered if he looked as bad as he felt.

The green in his magic started to fade. He was safe. Harry felt oblivion pressing down on him but fought to stay awake long enough, "Dad... Shack... Imperious."

Finding the Key - Chapter 41

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