First Place - Angst


Chapter Twenty-Five


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Severus had pulled out his book with the section on fertility potions that held the potion he brewed eighteen years ago and set it aside for later that day. It was early morning and he was approaching the headmaster's office. Albus had summoned him there without explanation, sending a message by house elf the night before.


"Morning Dad," Harry was approaching not from the direction of Gryffindor Tower but from the kitchens with a mug in hand.


He raised the mug as if in a toast and drank some of his morning coffee. Otherwise he looked like he had just rolled out of bed and walked there. Severus was strongly tempted to cast a few charms in a futile attempt to fix the mussed hair. He knew Harry had given up on combs and hairbrushes years ago. Harry was wearing muggle clothes, evidently believing he would be able to return to Gryffindor before going to class.


Severus raised an eyebrow, "Don't trust Albus to provide refreshment?"


"I assume he will," Harry said and sipped at his coffee again. "I just don't trust him not to lace it with something. I have no idea what he wants to talk about but I want to be clear headed."


Severus inspected Harry carefully. His son was tenser than Severus had ever seen him in the morning. It usually took at least an hour of work or talk before the weight of Harry's situation showed itself in his body language.


"You expect something," Severus said cautiously.


Harry shrugged noncommittally, "He told me yesterday afternoon that there a few things we need to discuss. I've never liked the outcome of those talks. On top of that..."


Severus watched Harry's expression go vacant, though he knew it was a defense against betraying emotion. He gave Harry a few beats before prompting him, "Yes?"


"Halloween is in a few days," Harry didn't look at him when he answered, but past him.


Severus nodded, understanding exactly what was going through his son's mind. It would be the sixteenth anniversary of the deaths of James and Lily Potter and Voldemort was bound to make some sort of grand gesture.


"Let's just get this over with," Harry said harshly and approached the gargoyle.


Severus put a hand on Harry's shoulder and his son looked up at him, "Talk to Albus about this sometime Harry. Don't harbor old anger at him. He may not last out this war."


Harry was unable to hide the startle on his face from what Severus said. Doubtless he, like many, saw the illustrious Albus Dumbledore as invincible. The possibility of Albus dying in the next few years probably never occurred to Harry. He nodded with a very sad look and Severus let him go.


Severus opened his mouth to speak the password and the gargoyle moved before he could say anything. He and Harry shared the same questioning look and then got on the stairs. They entered the office on command and saw that there was another guest already there.


"Ah Severus Snape," Ollivander smiled knowingly at him, "Sycamore with a dragon heartstring core, flexible, eleven inches, isn't it?"


"Yes it is," Severus felt his wand in his pocket, the reassuring familiar sense that came from it.


"And Mr. Potter," Ollivander's smile widened just perceptibly, "I hear you are having some difficulty with your wand."


Harry nodded but didn't say anything. He looked to Albus, who was smiling benignly behind his desk.


"It is rather early," Albus looked clearly at Harry's coffee mug. "Can I offer anyone some tea, perhaps some scones?"


"I'm all set," Harry held up his mug. Severus shook his head.


"Tea please Albus," Ollivander said. "You know how I like it."


"Of course Anders," Albus summoned a house elf and ordered some food. He conjured the tea service himself.


Severus saw Harry raise an eyebrow beside him and gave his son a stern look. Laughing at Ollivander's name would be ill advised. The man held considerable power despite his innocuous appearance, but then Severus reminded himself that Harry could easily see that for himself.


Harry did help himself to a scone, as they were delivered from the kitchen. Severus noticed that he took one bite and waited several minutes before eating any more. His son had apparently been paying attention in Potions.


"Now Harry," Albus stood and took out his wand while Harry watched him carefully, "I want you and Severus to pay close attention." The headmaster cast a spell out his window and it dissipated upon not reaching a target. "Tell me Severus, what did you see, specifically?"


"A flash of light from your wand," Severus replied simply. "It faded about one hundred feet from the window."


"Describe the light Severus."


"It was like any other spell," Severus noticed Harry twitch out of the corner of his eye but his gaze was trained on the headmaster.


"It was a stunning spell," Harry said sedately. "They're always that same red."


"How long have you been able to see the color of spells?" Ollivander asked with frank curiosity, almost hunger.


Harry started, as though he forgot Ollivander was there. Severus knew that for that to be so Harry was fully barriered and therefore should not have been able to see the specifics of the spell.


"Always," Harry answered, "even when I was an infant."


"How do you know?" Severus asked, intrigued.


Harry's face was impassive and his body was tense. Severus wanted to curse Albus, as he had no doubt that there was much more than this one test in store for Harry that morning.


"For years," Harry replied so quietly that Severus almost had to strain to hear, "all I remembered about that night was a lot of green light. I dreamed about it long before I got my Hogwarts letter. It's the color of the killing curse, lime green."


Severus clenched his teeth. Albus had horrible timing this time.


"What do you think Anders?" Albus asked serenely, apparently oblivious to the rising tension in the room though Severus knew the old man was not.


"You know what I see Albus," Ollivander mused. "I only get vague impressions of color, a sort of fog around wizards and witches. Sybil would say I see auras," the odd wizard chuckled lightly. "It helps match the wand with the wizard."


Harry's head snapped towards the man, "What color do you see around me?"


"It is not just one color," Ollivander corrected as he studied Harry. "I see two in most wizards and witches, though one is sometimes very faint." Harry nodded in agreement. "You, I see red and gold, much like the sparks that came out of your wand when you first held it."


"Is it different now?" Harry asked leadingly.


Ollivander tilted his head and narrowed his eyes as though squinting to make the world go out of focus. Severus watched with interest and saw Dumbledore doing the same.


"There is... just a hint mind you... some emerald green?" Ollivander opened his eyes again.


Harry nodded, "Ever since this summer."


"Harry," Albus admonished, "I thought there were no other effects."


"I never said that," Harry said sharply. "If you assumed I told you everything it is because you never asked." Harry quickly looked down, clearly ashamed, then up at Albus. "I'm sorry Professor. I understand why you made the choices you did. I just wish they had other outcomes and I still get angry when I think about it."


Harry's left hand was covering his right and Severus understood the gesture for hiding the marks from Umbridge's detentions, even though there was a constant glamour on them.


"I thought we were past this Harry," Albus looked every one of his hundred and sixty odd years.


Harry fidgeted, "We were... It's just...," Harry made a complicated motion with one hand and the large envelope with James's writing appeared. "You would have found this if you had opened the Potter vault."


Harry first handed over the letter from James to Black, explaining what to do with the contents of the envelope. Once it was read Harry gave Albus his letter. Severus sent Harry a hard look. He had made the assumption that Albus received his letter over a month before.


Albus put the letter aside to read in private. When he looked at them his eyes were bright. Severus had never seen so much as a single tear from the man and was amazed.


"I can only apologize so many times Harry," Albus's voice was rough. "I did attempt to open the Potter vault after that Halloween, but did not know the password to James's ward. I could not break the ward magically without good enough reason for the goblins, and they already had your parents' will."


"Remus would have known," Harry said, looking away from the sad blue eyes.


"Remus disappeared," Albus sighed. "If I had tried harder to find him then he may have helped me, but I believe he was in no condition to do so. I had no word of him, or knowledge of his whereabouts, until the summer before your third year. All I knew was that a few people had means of contacting him if necessary."


Harry rubbed his face with hands and brushed them through his hair, "It's all in the past now."


"Yes," Albus looked down at the letter to Black. "This will prove valuable, though." There was quiet for a few moments. "I am going to include Anders in your instruction Harry. Between the two of you, you may be able to get a better handle on this talent of yours."


"That would be good," Harry agreed. "I can block it for the most part now, but not when I'm concentrating, and sometimes... physical touch... or eye contact... triggers a connection."


Albus nodded, "I also wanted to thank you for bringing your friends in yesterday Harry. The further spread our contacts are the better off we will be."


Severus recalled seeing several alumni in the stands with Harry at the game, Gryffindor's star quidditch team that broke the losing streak. He assumed that every one of them was an Order member as of that day.


"I have held it off as long as I could Harry..." Albus was hesitant.


Harry's face dropped, "No... please..."


"I am sorry yet again Harry, but Cornelius insists on seeing you and making a presentation �"


Albus cut himself off to give Harry time to get his magic under control. Severus knew then why he always thought Ollivander was so odd. He didn't look at people, he looked around them. The man was examining the air around Harry in pure awe. With most people he would almost be looking them in the eye, but with Harry his eyes roamed much further away. His son had to be emitting a strong magical light.


After a few beats Severus put out an arm and rested a hand on one of Harry's. It took a few more moments but the nearly hair raising currents of magic in the office receded and Harry calmed. When he looked up his eyes were flat and his face emotionless.


There was a small quirk of his lips when Harry looked at Severus, "I hope you'll be there when Fudge comes."


"We will both be there Harry, and Minerva as well," Albus assured him. "Cornelius is aware of the Halloween Ball and intends to arrive here just before it begins and open the Ball with a short award ceremony."


"No press," Harry insisted, meeting the headmaster's gaze fully. The steel in Harry's eyes was enough to make anyone think twice. Severus did not know if Harry had bested Albus yet in their duels but expected that he would be able to at that moment.


"We have to allow at least one Harry," Albus brought back the twinkle.


Harry smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes, "Fine. Rita Skeeter can come, but no one else. I'll make sure she does not embellish anything I might say."


"What is it you three have on her?" Severus had to ask.


The smile turned wolfish, "She's an unregistered animagus... a beetle. It's truly amazing how many of them are out there."


"Granger caught her?" Severus shook his head and let a small chuckle out.


The smile was in his eyes now, "Literally. She kept her in a jar for a few days before releasing her and threatening her."


"Harry," Albus's tone was part amusement, part warning, "blackmail is a dangerous game."


"So is fighting Voldemort," Harry waved off the crime. "All she had to do was register her form. No one would have believed us that year if we had come forward and exposed her. They would have called me crazy then for saying the sky is blue and insisted it was orange instead."


"Indeed," Albus smiled. "I will inform Miss Skeeter... perhaps around dinner time on Wednesday."


Harry laughed lightly.


"What times do you have available Harry?" Ollivander asked.


Harry looked upwards, running through his schedule in his head, "Would Sunday afternoons work?"


"You are not joining the dueling club?" Severus asked, not letting the slight disappointment he felt show in his voice.


Harry turned sympathetic eyes to him. Severus should have known he couldn't hide his emotions from Harry. Even when they were both blocking their bond let Harry's empathy through, "I can't. There's no one there to provide any challenge for me and I need all the time I can get. Between my homework load this year and all my extra classes I'm swamped."


Severus nodded and forfeited, "I know."


"That should work just fine," Ollivander stood. "I have to be going now Albus. One of my sons is due back with some core materials this afternoon. It was good to see you both again and I'll see you on Sunday Harry."


Severus and Harry both gave polite goodbyes and stood to take their leave as well. The second class period was approaching quickly and both Harry and Severus had to be in class.


"Just a moment Harry," Albus said and Harry paused, leaving Severus watching from the doorway. The headmaster walked around his desk and Severus just then noticed the absence of Fawkes. The bird was most likely out for the Order. "Please come here at any time Harry, even just to talk. Second only to the pain I have caused you, I regret the gulf that has grown between us as a result."


Harry bit his lip and nodded, "I miss it too, when I thought you were infallible."


"No one is Harry," Albus replied sadly, "no matter how we wish otherwise."


Albus put a hand on Harry's shoulder in a fatherly, or in this case grandfatherly gesture. Harry stiffened and his eyes widened. His breath quickened, like it did in St. Mungo's, and Severus stepped forward quickly and broke the contact between them. Albus had only tightened his grip on Harry with a looked of concern in his eyes.


"Harry..." Severus did not bother to mask the urgency in his voice. "Harry, focus on me."


The stiff muscles loosened and a slight shaking took hold of Harry. He reached out and held onto Severus's arm with a tight grip.


"So bright... so sad," Harry mumbled, and Severus knew he was speaking about Albus.


Dumbledore had also realized what had happened and his eyes brightened again. Severus saw that the copious amount of facial hair helped Albus to hide his emotions but also made his eyes more of a focal point and easier to read.


"I will contact Minerva," Albus said sadly. "Lie down Harry and get some rest. You are excused from class for the day."


Harry just nodded vaguely and Severus threw some Floo powder into the fireplace. With Harry only barely responsive like that it was easier to take him to his quarters that way instead of navigating the corridors and bumping into hordes of students on their way to class. Physical contact with so many people would be a very bad thing just then.


"I have to teach," Severus said quietly as he settled Harry into his bed in staff quarters. "Dobby is on call for anything you need."


Harry just nodded and burrowed into his covers, stripped down to his boxers, "He feels like I do."


Severus wanted Harry to say more, to maybe describe for once exactly how he was feeling, but he had slipped off into sleep. He sighed, brushed back the hair from Harry's forehead, and extinguished the lights in the room. He gathered himself and slipped into his teaching persona. He could take out his anger with Fudge on his students. The first year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were in for a trying morning.

Finding the Key - Chapter 26

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