Earthenwing
1. Comfort
�Shh, now, you know I�d never hurt you,� he�d say, and he�d try to hum to him, but the child just kept crying, hiccoughing and bawling and threatening to wake his brothers.
2. Kiss
The brothers are too old to kiss him now; even Michelangelo has stopped, Raphael teasing him until he settled for a goodnight hug, but Leonardo gives his own in private, when the others have gone to bed.
3: Soft
His father�s fur is harsh and bristled, except for the hollow under the throat, the line on his stomach, the insides of his thighs where Leonardo�s hands become fascinated by the soft, downy fur.
4. Pain
�Again!� he orders, and his son struggles to his feet, wooden swords in his hands and prepared to charge again, face twisted up in more rage than a simple training session could account for.
5. Potatoes
�No.� Michelangelo says stubbornly, crossing his arms against the food their father has scavenged, potatoes all gone to sprout; Leonardo eats his without being ordered to.
6. Rain
The boy clung to his father�s neck, hiccoughing and shivering, slick with water from the flooding rainstorm; thunder roared above the grates, and Leonardo would not let go.
7. Chocolate
The candy had been his son�s only weakness; too old for sweets and too strong for comfort food, Leonardo accepts the bar without a word, taking comfort in the familiar sweetness while his father hums placidly across the room.
8. Happiness
The young Leonardo let himself be cradled in his father�s lap, sipping green tea from the offered mug and breathing in the smell of incense and fur, wondering where his father went when he left them each morning.
9. Telephone
The boys had strung tin cans between one end of the lair and the other, whispering something through a waxed string; when Splinter came too close, Leonardo�s end went silent.
10. Ears
As a child Leonardo grabbed too much, panting and squirming and pulling anything he could get ahold of; when Donatello asked what had happened to Splinter�s ear the next day, he�d told him he�d had an accident.
11. Name
�Leo-Leonardo�� he panted, feeling too old and too worn; the teenager pulled his head down and forced him to kiss him, hand running through the fur of Splinter�s stomach and making him bristle.
12. Sensual
He knows he doesn�t mean to be, not in front of his brothers, but sometimes Leonardo looks at him when he�s practicing in the dojo, and Splinter wonders if he ever stood a chance.
13. Death
He knows the first time his son kills a man, without even asking him; the look in his eyes when he follows Splinter into his room is enough.
14. Sex
He used to be so loud; out of necessity he schooled the boy into silence, putting his hand over his mouth when Leonardo couldn�t stop gasping; now he won�t make a sound, even if he wants him to.
15. Touch
Leo remembers too well the feel of those blunt claws scraping down the inside of his thigh; it was what he was dreaming about the first morning he woke up to ruined sheets.
16. Weakness
He cuts the boy like a diamond, carefully polishing away every crack and imperfection, checking him each morning for the fatal flaw that will crack the finished stone.
17. Tears
The first time Splinter broke, the child had sat up, smudged with sweat and scratches, and pulled his father�s head to his chest, stroking the fur between his ears; he�d been able to hear that little heart beating, beating and beating in the boy�s chest, and had only sobbed harder.
18. Speed
Leonardo had become impatient, fast and too fast; teenaged hands had torn the sleeves if his robe at three in the morning, and repaired them under watchful eye before his brothers got out of bed.
19. Wind
The air was cold on the rooftops, sharp and slicing and frozen in the winter dark, too cold for Master Splinter, which was why Leonardo found himself here, night after night after night.
20. Freedom
There was a saying that if you loved something, to let it go, and if it didn�t return�the first night Master Splinter let him go to the surface alone, Leonardo returned two hours late.
21. Life
�It is not my job to dictate how you will spend your life,� Master Splinter had told him, carefully tracing the cuts in his shell with one hand �It is me job to teach you so that I do not have to.�
22. Jealousy
When he was seven Raphael had demanded to know what was so special about Leonardo that their father was always spending so much time with him, and Master Splinter had blinked down at him in shock, at least, until Leonardo had broken the standoff by hitting his brother in the face.
23. Hands
Their hands had never fit together, even when he�d been a child; the boy would hold onto his robe instead, following him about his daily chores like a lost duckling.
24. Taste
Splinter had sometimes plied the boy with chocolate and butterscotch candies, not because it made him keep quiet, but because it made him sweet, and too young.
25. Devotion
Leonardo hit the ground in a tangle of bloodied skin and wire, and Splinter was over him in a moment, braced for attack and screaming �You will not hurt my son!�
26. Forever
There was a time when Splinter lay dozing, stripped to the fur and damp with sweat that Leonardo wished he could hold on to, held to his father�s chest and being young, and protected, and loved.
27. Blood
�Oh no�� Splinter whispered, touching the dried spots of red on his bedroll, and wondering why his son hadn�t cried out.
28. Sickness
The first time he had done it, Michelangelo had come hesitantly to his door the next morning, summoned by the sound of him throwing up and wanting to know if he was all right; Leonardo had kept his distance, and his tongue, silent for the first time in a week.
29. Melody
There was only one song, one song he could think of with the boy bawling like that, curled over on himself and hitching; he�d hummed the song from Tang Shen�s music box, and after a long time, Leonardo had gone quiet, and listened.
30. Star
He�d found the gold stars to put on his sons� reports, but he used them now, pasting fantastic constellations across the boy�s shell and making Leonardo fidget, and giggle, trying to keep still while his father kissed each star, tickling his arms with his whiskers.
31. Home
Gone for two days, Leonardo trudged through the Lair door, exhausted and dirty and splattered with blood; Master Splinter saw him, the only one awake at three in the morning, and caught him as his knees gave out, lowering him slowly to the ground and whispering �You�re back�.you came back��
32. Confusion
When Master Splinter summoned him back to his room the second night, the boy tried to figure out whether or not he was being punished, and came up blank.
33. Fear
Leonardo wasn�t the only son to have night terrors, he was just the most recent; Splinter would rush into his room and hold him, trying to wake him up and stop the screaming before he woke all his brothers, but when Leonardo�s eyes opened, he wasn�t sure he trusted the heavy glaze that slid over them when he realized where he was.
34. Lightning/Thunder
The only way they knew the storm had come was when the tunnels flooded; the brother�s would press up by the vents, and listen, and try to hear the thunder.
35. Bonds
Leonardo had always known his Master was one to be obeyed; he could remember all too clearly the hands that held him down, that held him close, and he knew he couldn�t ever break free.
36. Market
There was something so wrong about walking free in the daylight; Leonardo kept ducking his head, expecting someone to shout or scream, but the denizens of the Nexxus just kept on walking, ignoring the master and pupil wandering slowly though the market stalls.
37. Technology
He�d gone on Donnie�s computer once, looking at the pages he�d bookmarked on his browser, frowning at all the �furry� sites and raising eyebrows at the badly drawn porn; it would take him an hour to realize it wasn�t the �furry turtles� he was looking at, but the rats.
38. Gift
When he was 12, Leonardo had wanted to give him a Father�s Day present in his room, after his brothers had gone to bed; Splinter had balked, and, nearly ill, had sent the boy away.
39. Smile
Michelangelo had leapt out of nowhere with that damned Polaroid camera Donatello had salvaged last week, and Splinter had confiscated the photograph, burying in his trunk the picture of his teenaged son nearly kissing him.
40. Innocence
�Are you mad at me?� Leonardo had asked plaintively one night, when the boy had ripped out a handful of fur from Splinter�s chest, leaving a bare patch and bringing all proceedings to a painful halt; Splinter had grimaced and told him no, he wasn�t angry, but please go back to his room, and the boy tearily obeyed.
41. Completion
The child looked up when his father stopped moving, wary and tired and aching, and Splinter pressed a panting kiss to his forehead and pulled away, shaking the sweat off his ears and looking around his oldest son�s bedroom as though he couldn�t remember what he was doing there anymore.
42. Clouds
It didn�t do any good to go cloud watching with Mikey, even when his brother insisted; they all looked like rats to him.
43. Sky
The first time he had seen the sky, unprotected by the sewer grates, Leo had thought he was going to fall into it; Splinter�s firm hand around his arm had kept him in place, and the child had clung to him gratefully.
44. Heaven
Splinter had not felt confidant in his ability to teach his children certain philosophy; when the boy had asked him what happened when they died, he�d only been able to say they went Somewhere Else, and even at that age, he could tell the answer didn�t satisfy.
45. Hell
Master Splinter had only gotten mad at him once, at least, mad in the way Leo feared; he�d woken up the next morning stiff and aching with blood on his thighs, and though he was too old for it, had laid back down on his bed and cried miserably.
46. Sun
Of all the things Leo missed about the jungle, he thought he missed being able to stand outside in the daylight the most, even if he did so alone.
47. Moon
His father had told him once there was a rabbit in the moon; Leonardo had sat and stared at it one night, trying to pick out the shape, but to him it just looked lonely.
48. Waves
Leo wanted to find serenity in the way the ocean laps at the sand; inside he can only think that if he went out there, he would be lost forever under those waves.
49. Hair
Going to the bathroom in the morning, Leonardo hovered over the sink, trying to rinse the grey fur out of his mouth; Splinter was shedding.
50. Supernova
In the night, in the dark, Leonardo is silent, breathing too tightly controlled, hands fisted in the bedsheets, eyes screwed shut and focusing, though whether on his own erection or some place beyond the bedroom, Splinter doesn�t know; he wonders what will happen when all that careful, perfect control finally snaps.